


Fakin' IT

by oneishaa97



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Boss/Employee Relationship, Bottom Magnus Bane, Consensual Sex, Eventual Relationships, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Mundane Magnus Bane, Mundane Magnus Bane/Mundane Alec Lightwood, Panic Attacks, Protective Isabelle Lightwood, Protective Jace Wayland, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, Top Alec Lightwood, everyone's mundane, meddling siblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2018-12-30 04:54:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 57,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12101154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneishaa97/pseuds/oneishaa97
Summary: Alec Lightwood, twenty-five year old CEO of his late father's company: Lightwood & Lightwood Incorporated, is expected to be wedded before his thirtieth birthday. With Alec's views on love completely tarnished he'd have to pay his way through.Cue Magnus Bane, PA to Alec Lightwood, in dire need of financial assistance and a stable roof over his head.Can Alec fall in love for real or he lost for good?Will Magnus ever to be able to live the life we all know he deserves?ORThe AU!BusinessArrangement no one asked for





	1. "I look at you and see the rest of my life in front of my eyes."

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! How are you??
> 
> ....
> 
> Great!  
> I wrote a new story and I'm really kinda excited (nervous?) about this one. It's been on the back burner for quite sometime but I think it's ready to see the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're bored & have suddenly decided to reread this chapter you may notice a few changes. Nothing major, just a bit of tweaks.  
> My lovely beta has taken it upon herself to rectify my mistakes and honestly, what a blessing!
> 
> You all show probably follow her on Tumblr : https://starryeyed50.tumblr.com/  
> Just to say thank you :)

“I realized I would be forced to run away from home if someone tried to arrange a marriage for me. I didn't want to think about it.” 

―  **[Elizabeth Wein](https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/52320.Elizabeth_Wein) ** ,  **The Pearl Thief**

  
  
  


“ P lease tell me what was written in my father’s will was some sort of ill-timed joke!” Alec Lightwood, CEO of Lightwood & Lightwood Incorporated, spat, his patience finally exhausted.

His father’s best friend and lawyer, Michael Wayland, sighed. The sigh that came was a signal, not of his resolve leaving but of a level his tension had peaked. The sigh was resigned and weary. It signalled the end of deliberate effort and the beginning of passive deterioration.

“A small legacy of 360 million dollars and two-thirds of Lightwood & Lightwood Incorporated will be entrusted to Alexander Gideon Lightwood, firstborn and heir to Robert and Maryse Lightwood of Lightwood & Lightwood Inc. if and only if he is wedded before his thirtieth birthday. Should he not follow the instructions left for him before the required time, everything should be donated to any Charity event of Michael Wayland's choosing...” Michael recited Robert Lightwood’s final request to the young lad, whom he’d come to love as his very own child, with a disinterested expression. His dark locks dancing between brown and grey sat messily on top of his head generated by the amount of time he rushed his fingers through his hair.

"Married?" Alec interrupted, chuckling at the absurdity.    
How fucking cruel was the universe?   
What kind of sick games was he being dealt?   
Marriage. The word itself felt bitter and heavy on his tongue. Once upon a time he had also stupidly thought that he would get married as well.

“What the hell is father playing at? Even in his grave the man continues to taunt me.”

Alec surveyed his office. It was everything his father had ever dreamed of: ostentatious, expensive and in the most exclusive part of the city. Alec wasn’t married, had no children and drove an exotic car. His home was executive with so much square footage he needed to hire several maids to maintain its upkeep. His chef popped in at least three times a week to prepare fine meals; the rest of the time he ate out. His only problem now was that buying the best of everything no longer brought him joy. He tried having misters and while that was fun it hadn’t been enough. The only way out of his slump was doing something radical but he wasn’t into hard drugs.

Michael sipped on his bourbon, legs crossed at the ankles, as he regarded Alec over the edge of his glass.

“Either you marry or the company and everything your father worked his ass off for slips right through your fingers and into the cold, evil hands of someone who’s probably never lifted a finger in their life… someone like Jonathan Morgenstern.”

Alec’s hand tightened around the glass so hard he was surprised it hadn’t shattered.

“You know I want nothing to do with this. I never did. After what Robert did to me  —  I'll build my own company from the ground up.”

Alec had never wanted his father's money. He was perfectly capable of making his own. If it was left entirely up to his father, he wouldn't have a single dime and Alec was certain he would've been happier without his father's money than with it.

When Robert Lightwood was just a boy money had meant food. Then later it was a house and a family but after his business exploded, in the best way possible, and he became wealthier than he had ever thought possible, it became just digits. Numbers with many zeros. 

Alec knew he was fighting a losing battle.

Michael Wayland was a stubborn man, probably more than his father who, when he was alive, was as stubborn as a mule. He could no more change Michael’s mind than he could convince dawn not to come.

Michael chuckled dryly, setting down his glass.

Alec and his lawyer sat around, combing through his opinions. They discussed everything from blueprints to him leaving the country for a while, in hopes that he may actually find someone he might eventually love as his own. Alec knew love wasn’t in the cards for him —not anymore— but for his father’s old friend he decided to humor him. He didn’t have to know.

“I like New York. I don’t want to leave.”

“What’s tying you here?”

Alec pondered the question.

He had no idea why he didn’t want to leave. He liked the city, the big restaurants and theatres, the climate. He didn’t want to leave New York. New York was his home.

“Lightwood & Lightwood, as you should know, is a family business. Family. There’s a reason everyone working here is either married or engaged to be married. They all share the same mindset your father had. Robert wanted you to take over and have children of your own to carry the Lightwood name for decades to come. Your personal life isn’t what anyone would consider appropriate.”

Alec waved his hand around dismissively, knowing exactly where his lawyer was headed.

It wasn’t that Alec Lightwood was a cruel man per se, he just didn’t give a damn about what anyone thought. He was blunt. Whatever he wanted from you he just told you straight. He didn’t try to sugar coat it or bargain.

And only after a few minutes of conversation the annoyance of  having to continue the discussion showed on Michael’s face, even if he’d initiated it. His mouth was set in a permanent scowl and offering help, even when it was obviously needed, was not in his nature. His only redeeming feature was his meritorious business sense. He worked hard and he made whomever he worked with a lot of money. 

“Jamie and I ended that nearly two years ago.”

Alec’s ex-fiancé, Jamie Rodriguez, the only person he had ever let close enough to his heart, had showed him exactly why love wasn’t for him.

Alec had been young — barely eighteen years old — when he first discovered his love for men and Jamie, being older and way more experienced, took advantage of Alec’s innocence. Alec had foolishly thought that Jamie loved him after the four years they spent together but Jamie was just after his money and made a run for it the second his father died. Alec had invented every excuse to stay with him. Jamie had given him countless reasons to leave yet he stuck around like a lovesick fool; like a drug addict dying from an overdose. After a year of trying to fix their relationship that had been doomed from the beginning Alec finally listened to him. Not to his lying eyes or false words but to that which couldn’t be faked, so for the first time in Alec’s short life he had given up on someone that meant the world to him and left.

_ Good riddance. _

“It’s not only Jamie, Alec. Your reputation is well known. You’re a playboy by night, business tyrant by day. That doesn’t sit well with Lightwood & Lightwood. No matter how good you are, one of these days you're going to have to grow up, Alexander.”

Alec sighed, massaging his temple with his finger tips. 

“Find me someone then. I'll pay them handsomely for their troubles, though I don't suspect they'd have any.”

Michael scowled. 

Alec's attitude made no sense to anyone who didn't know him. At nineteen, he had officially come out to his parents after 6 months of secretly dating Jamie. He just couldn't bare to live a lie — to live in secret anymore. Words he never thought he'd even think to say to his parents, much less say out loud, flew from his mouth. He and his father never had the best of relationships but after the words ‘I'm gay’ left his lips, he instantly knew from the expressionless look in his father's eyes that whatever relationship they had immediately shattered into glassy shards. 

Nothing would ever be the same again. 

“No son of mine is allowed to be gay, Alexander,” Robert sneered, regarding his son with the gaze of a stranger. 

“When I die, and I will die, you'll have to take over. No one's gonna want to take orders from a man that's sexually involved with another man.”

Robert never argued with his fist like many suspected he did but his words packed a powerful punch. Carefully spoken, without drama. His words had an air of finality to them and no matter how hard you tried to counteract his plans nothing changed his mind. 

“You're disgusting.”

Two words.

Two tiny words but they brought tears to Alec's eyes. 

“I'm gay, father. Whether you like it or not, I'll always be gay. I thought I should tell you myself instead of you hearing it from someone else,” Alec whispered, wiping his fallen tears with the pad of his thumb. 

“If I'm meant to get married to carry on Lightwood & Lightwood Incorporated then marry I shall,” Alec challenged. 

Michael smiled, pleased with himself. 

Alec had an idea but he wasn't exactly sure how to execute it. If the company needed a businessman with a family he'd give them just that. He only had to accomplish that small detail. The only problem was finding someone that was actually generous. Everyone would want to date Alec Lightwood but how many of them would actually play the part. He needed someone loyal, someone he could bring into his home, into his life. 

Usually the men he picked up weren't interested in anything other than what he could give them: the fancy restaurants, expensive clothes and gifts, sometimes even a long trip somewhere neither of them would be recognized. All he'd ever wanted was someone pretty and a warm body to bury himself deep inside after a tiring day at the office. 

None of those men would be the kind of man the board would believe he was willing to marry someday. 

“I'll have to pay someone. Find me someone willing. Someone real, honest and very, very down to Earth.”

“What happens to the man after you get what you want?”

“We break up,” Alec stated as if it were the simplest thing. 

“Any idea who the lucky man will be?”

“Not yet. I'll figure it out.”

In his arrogant triumph, Michael smirked. The left side of his lip tugged upwards creating a sinister smirk on his wrinkled face. 

Alec stared at the older man, his face cast as deadpan as he could manage. 

“I'm going to regret asking you to find me someone, aren't I?”

Michael just shrugged, unrepentant.

 

* * *

 

 

The rambunctious blaring of the alarm clock jarred him out of my peaceful sleep and Magnus jolted up, smashing the snooze button as hard as he could. In the silent grip of panic, Magnus reached for his alarm clock frantically, cursing himself when he realized he barely had 45 minutes before he had to be at work. With arms flapping around almost comically, Magnus reached into his closet, pulling out a simple dress suit before stripping down to naught and rushing into the shower.

He stepped into the shower, toes flinching as they touched the chilled floor. His mind was in shreds; he was certain for as long as he lived that he would never get that picture out of his head. He turned the dial, old and metallic, releasing thousands of lukewarm drops, darkening his hair and trickling down his back, across the deep scars that scattered across his body. His eyes closed over and over again, each time showing him images he wished he was able to forget, like photographs. He bathed his skin lightly, taking great care not to touch the scars left behind. 

He shuddered as he took in the tiles that he was pretty sure ought to white but weren’t. Instead it looked oddly like mildew. 

Magnus sighed. 

_ He couldn't do anything about that now. _

_ He hadn't the time.  _

Ten minutes later, he emerged from the shower, towel tight around his hips. He dried off quietly, got dressed and left without even having breakfast; not only because he didn't have the time but also because he didn't have anything left that wasn't rotten or frozen.

Minutes later, Magnus finally arrived at the subway which was a seething mass of humanity. Everyone from every walk of life was shoulder to shoulder, in each other's faces leaving little to no personal space. Quickly, he scrambled into the first available seat he found. Flicking his phone open, rereading the messages he'd already read, anything really to avoid eye contact. To avoid having to strike up awkward conversations with random people.

With just five minutes to spare Magnus madehis way over to the front desk, combing his messy hair with his fingers, praying to every single deity that he looked alright for the part of Alec Lightwood's personal assistant. The man had told him once when he'd first started to work that his attire was far too flamboyant and made him look at a clown at a toddler’s birthday party rather than an employee of a respectable company, which was why he walked right past him the first time. That had been three years ago but something like that never goes away with time. What he had wore the very first day was one of his very best.

A deep pink shirt, a pink and blue plaid blazer thrown over, pale yellow dress pants and a pair of white Oxford shoes. He thought he looked alright, better than alright, but Alec Lightwood hadn't thought that. He barely even looked at Magnus that day, instead just giving him mundane tasks like rearranging his records and books on all three of his bookshelves in alphabetical order. 

It had been three years and he tried to no longer notice the way Alec’s demeanor is always so cold and uninviting, he tried not to notice the way Alec scans him from head to toe before even addressing him in that icy tone.

He tried not to let any of that bother him. He only knew that he must reach Lightwood & Lightwood Incorporated before 8am or he wouldn’t eat the next day. 

“Good morning handsome,” Lydia Branwell greeted, smiling widely. 

She was always so annoyingly happy for that early in the morning. 

Lydia was beautiful, her blonde hair always unruly; thrown back into a messy ponytail at the base of her head. Hair from the slightly layered cut wasn't included in the ponytail, but they perfectly framed her face. Her eyes so impossibly blue that Magnus first wondered if she had her own sky inside of her.

“Morning,” Magnus grumbled, not because he was annoyed with her, he was just exhausted. He wasn't able to rest much the night before. Lydia had been Alec’s secretary for about a year before she had been promoted to COO. She was there with Magnus for the first week helping him along the way, never scolding him when he got things wrong but instead carefully correctly him. She knew first hand what it was like to work forAlec Lightwood. She knew how cold and distant he could be so she tried her best to make Magnus' experience a little easier and for that Magnus had been entirely grateful for both her assistance and friendship.

“Wish me luck,” Magnus whispered to his friend, gathering up the stack of papers he stayed up until 2:30am finishing. Alec would have his head on a stick if it wasn't done as he'd asked. 

Magnus bid Lydia goodbye and made his way over to his boss's office. Squaring his shoulders, he pushed through, against the pressure building in his chest. 

Preparing himself for the look of disgust and annoyance that always greeted him every morning, he knocked sharply, signalling his presence. 

“Enter.”

Magnus sighed, straightening his tie before entering with his head held high. Magnus was nothing if not confident and not even someone as awful as Alexander Lightwood could change that. 

Alec's office was painted grey with just one floor to ceiling window, which faced the main road. On the desk sat a desktop computer, a notebook with some scribbles laying open, and  a stack of papers he briefly recognized as the ones he dropped off the night before tucked under a cat shaped paperweight. In the corner, the air conditioner was blasting at medium, a swivel chair holding none other than Alec Lightwood in the middle of the room. A bookshelf, bursting with books in various languages stood in the corner, with yet another stack of papers. A few pens were lying on the papers, but some had fallen onto the floor.

“Magnus Bane,” Michael Wayland greeted him sweetly, smiling so widely his eyes crinkled. 

Magnus returned his smile briefly. 

“Mr. Wayland.”

Michael scoffed, rolling his eyes playfully. 

“Have you completed your task, B-Magnus?”

Alec asked, voice smooth yet vibrating with power and command. 

Magnus blinked, shocked. 

For the past three years, Magnus wasn't sure his boss even knew his first name. For as long as he could remember it had been just Bane. 

His eyes widened before he could school his features into remaining stoic. Alec must have sensed it because though his head was buried in his phone, a small smile tugged at his lips. 

He's messing with you!

“I have, Mr. Lightwood.”

Alec raised his head finally to address the man, smile still intact. 

Alexander Lightwood was a handsome man. He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. His face was strong and defined; his features moulded from granite. His tousled black hair, thick and lustrous. He had dark eyebrows, which sloped downward in a serious expression. His perfectly ripe pink lips, usually drawn into a hard line across his face, now lifted upward slightly. And his eyes. His eyes were a mesmerizing deep shade of hazel which shone like sunlight on polished stone. 

The man was absolutely gorgeous and completely Magnus’ type. 

It was quite unfortunate that he was an asshole. 

Alec regarded Magnus silently, tilting his head to the side for dramatic effect. His eyes rest, not unblinking but slowed; yet the effect was soft and inviting instead of harsh. 

Magnus suddenly felt uncomfortable under Alec's heavy scrutinization. 

Magnus’ eyes locked on Alec’s and for a brief second he couldn't breathe. He'd never noticed before how the brown and deep forest green of his eyes seemed to swirl together like moss creeping over rich soil. 

“I need you to come at this address at 7pm sharp,” Alec interjected handing his PA a crumpled piece of paper. 

Magnus glanced at the paper, noting that it wasn't that far from where he'd visit Ragnor but to get to Mr. Lightwood’s house at 7pm meant he'd have to cut his visit. He couldn't do that. He hadn't seen Ragnor in an entire week and didn't want him to think he'd forgotten all about him. 

Magnus frowned. 

“Problem?” 

Magnus squared his shoulders and decided that he just needed to be honest. 

“There's somewhere I have to be after work. I won't be able to make it for 7pm—”

“8pm sound good?” Alec interrupted, his voice void of the usual hospitality. 

“Yes sir.”

He nodded, his indication that this meeting – whatever it was– was over.

“I’ll make sure Raj, my doorman knows to let you up as soon as you arrive.”

Doorman?

“Is everything alright, Mr. Lightwood?”

“Yes, Magnus. Thank you for your time.”

To say that Magnus was shocked and confused was the understatement of the year. In all the years of working for Alec Lightwood he had never heard a thank you and hadn’t expected one either because that was just how Alec was.

_ What the hell was going on? _

  
  


At 8pm sharp, Magnus stood across the street from his boss’ house, sweaty palms shoved into the pocket of his work pants. Mr. Lightwood’s building stood tall, almost intimidatingly. He was definitely a wealthy man there was no other way around it. Magnus shivered nervously, tugging at the straps of his bag, wondering why he was there.

There was only one thing he could think of. One reason why Mr. Lightwood would want him at his home and at night, but he didn’t understand. His boss had always made it abundantly clear that he didn’t care for Magnus in the slightest.

Was this some sort of hate sex?

His dark lashes brimmed with tears, hands clenched into shaking fist in a desperate battle against himself as he thought of what awaited him in that building.

What’s worse was that he would do it. He would give into Mr. Lightwood’s devious intentions because denying him would result in Magnus getting fired and he couldn’t afford to be fired, not when Ragnor still depended on him.

Today’s visit with Ragnor had gone over well. They sat around playing board games, ate pizza and talked about Magnus’ job. Ragnor had always been wary of Magnus for obtaining a space at the infamous Lightwood & Lightwood Incorporated.

Magnus brushed his tears away, wiped his sweaty fists on his work pants and forced a genial smile over his weathered features.

Magnus’ nerves were taut, his stomach in knots but he hadn’t let that show–couldn’t let it show.

Now or never…

Mr. Lightwood opened his door and Magnus tried his hardest not to stare. 

Gone was his tailored suits. In its place, he wore a simple black t-shirt and sweatpants.

If Magnus didn’t know any better he’d say his boss looked more comfortable and laid back than he’d ever seemed at the office. Alec stepped back, gesturing his PA to pass.

Magnus took a calming breath, hoping to slow his thumping heart.

_ It’s just sex. You’ve had sex before, Magnus. Calm down. _

“I was just about to have dinner. Care to join me?”

“Thank you but I’m quite alright,” Magnus lied. He was actually starving. He didn’t have anything at home that he could cook for dinner and his money was coming to an end quickly.

“Come along, Magnus.”

Magnus paddled along, knowing better than to argue with his boss. He needed his job way too much.

Alec’s home had been far from what Magnus had expected from the younger man.

The room was like a perfect magazine cover. Magnus looked around the open space, hesitant to sit in case he wrinkled the fabric without meaning to or staining it with something he wasn’t even aware was on his pants. The couch was cream but inlaid with a fine green silk; leaves embroidered so delicately that they might have landed there in spring and just sunk in, but they obviously took hundreds of hours to sew. The white curtains werelinen, the kind of white that is untouched by hands and devoid of dust. A cursory look to the right showed him the almost hidden cords that were used to open and close them. There was a huge flat screen television, a few bookshelves and chairs arranged around the bespoke fireplace which leaped with a gas flame. The floor was a high polished wood, dark and free of either dust or clutter.

The room was so uncomfortably large, like a hotel foyer; not just in the space but in the artwork too. Magnus scanned for a personal touch, something that didn’t suggest a hired designer chose it. The only thing that showed Alec actually did live in the apartment was the black and white pictures of himself, a dark haired woman that looked way too much like him to not be his sister and a bleach blond man. The woman was smiling brightly into the camera, her eyes gleaming with happiness while bleach blond wore a smirk. Alec, however, his smile wasn’t as broad as his sister’s was but he was smiling. His eyes sparkled happily and for once Magnus thought he wasn’t a complete monster, until he remembered why he was here and his small, fond small was wiped clean.

The room gave away his bachelorhood.

Everything was functional.

There was space in there for dozens of children, though Magnus doubted even one would be welcomed. It was a perfect place, but cold in its tranquility. The soft jazz just audible as background noise and at the same volume in every room, somehow made it even less personal. 

“My siblings,” Alec said casually, handing Magnus a glass of champagne. 

“Isabelle... Izzy and Jace. Jace isn't my biological brother, in case you couldn’t tell. He's Michael Wayland's son, my best friend and brother in every way except blood,” Alec explained after taking a sip of his own drink. Magnus brought his glass to his lips with shaking fingers.

Dinner went by fairly quickly. Neither parties saying anything. Magnus kept his eyes on his plate, hoping his nerves wouldn’t get the best of him.

After dinner, Alec straightened up and finally stood in front of Magnus.

“Magnus.”

“Mr. Lightwood?”

Alec studied the shorter man, tilting his head to side.

Studying him no doubt.

_ Deep breaths, Magnus. Just give him sex and lea _ _ – _

“I have another job for you.”

Magnus’ brows scrunched together tightly showing his confusion.

“But I’m already your PA.”

Alec shook his head.

“No.” He paused, as if thinking over what he was about to say before he deemed it worthy enough to escape his lips, then spoke in a smooth, unaffected tone.

“As my fianc é. 


	2. loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."

_ We need to remember that circumstances don’t make a person, they reveal a person. _

_ – Emma Jameson _

 

 

“I have the perfect husband for you,” Michael said after sometime, looking up at Alec with a small smile that to anyone else, might've appeared innocent, but Alec has known Michael for years and has learned that his smiles usually never mean anything good. 

Abandoning the stacks of paperwork he had received the night before from his PA, Alec glanced up, scowling at how unnecessarily happy his lawyer looked with the mere idea of finding him a life companion. 

“Your PA, Magnus — just hear me out, okay? I've known Magnus for quite awhile and I can safely admit now that I've always kinda hoped you two would get along. Too bad you're a dick but Magnus isn't. He's a good guy, trust me.”

Michael stretched his long legs out, looking at ease. He couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why Alec would cast Magnus aside without even giving him a single chance. Michael realized he must have spoken out loud when Alec sighed noisily. 

“Have you seen that guy? He's so… _fruity_. I'd become a laughing stock in my own company.”

Michael's face fell. His mouth hung with lips slightly parted and his eyes were as wide as they could stretch. 

“You of all people should understand what it’s like to be judged for who you are. In those few months after your breakup with Jamie, you had all the emotion of wet concrete. You showed no anger, no sadness, not even resentment. You were so compliant, almost robotic. At first I thought it was just the shock of the situation but… Listen Alec, you need someone in your life than will love you heart and soul. It doesn't have to be Magnus. It doesn't even have to be right now but one day you'll turn around and realize that you're all alone and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

_ Give Magnus a chance. _

_ Give someone a chance.” _

 

 

Present

 

_ “My fiancé.” _

Magnus scanned his boss’ face for any indication that he was messing with him. The silence hung in the air like the suspended moment before a falling glass shatters to the ground. Magnus expected the younger man to laugh, smirk even, but he did none of those things. Instead Alec hands him a thick, brown envelope containing a list of his likes and dislikes and a map of his home, which would also be Magnus’ should he accept the offer.

Alec tips his head in the direction of the envelope.

“Open it.”

It sounded more of a demand than a request so carefully, Magnus tears at the package and gently drags out it’s contents.

Alec stood, back straight and jaw clenched tightly as he waited until Magnus finished reading.

The silence was the most terrifying part. It lingered in the air thick and heavy like a blanket. The silence laid on his skin like poison. It seeped into his blood and paralyzed his brain, his pupils dilated and if you looked close enough, you’d see the slight tremor in his hands.

Alec was nervous, terrified even of Magnus’ blatant refusal but nothing in his face betrayed his fear. It was a mask of defiance and surety, that’s why he was a leader.

He was never afraid and always willing to take the risks no one else wanted to.

Alec lets out an understated sigh, turning his back to Magnus; showing he wasn’t afraid to leave because he didn’t need Magnus. He wasn’t desperate.

If anything Magnus needed him.

“Mr. Lightwood, I-I’m sorry but I still don’t follow. Why would you want to marry me? I-”

 “I need a husband and I chose you. You’ll be paid handsomely for your services. God knows you need the money though I can’t imagine why you’d need money with what I pay you.”

Magnus’ jaw clamped tight, teeth grinding. Angrily, he throws the contents from the envelope onto the table and adjusts his bag straps on his shoulder. He needed to get away from Alec before he said or did something he would later come to regret.

Alec frowns, looking so genuinely confused it angers Magnus beyond control.

_How could someone be so ignorant and uncaring of other people’s feelings_?

“What? You dress like a homeless person and bring sandwiches to work even though you’re one of the highest paid employees here and —”

Every time he opened his mouth, Magnus got angrier.

Usually he would just swallow his retort and just blindly obey whatever his boss asked of him.

“Isn’t it enough that you treat, not only me but every single one of your employees, like shit do you really need t0 belittle me outside of work too? I thought your rudeness ended at the office,” Magnus interrupted, seething, turning on his heels and rushing towards the door, not even sparing his boss a second glance.

Every single word from the younger man’s mouth stung fueling a fire that burned deep within Magnus. Every violated phrase was like gasoline to it. His fist clenched tightly, fingernails digging into his already bruised palms.

Alec glances after Magnus, a perplexed expression masking his features.

“What the hell? Look Bane, I don’t know what your problem is but I just need a husband.”

Magnus scoffed, yanking the door open before it’s shut almost immediately by a very confused looking Alec Lightwood.

“Just hear me out. Please,” Alec pleads, sounding almost desperate.

Almost.

Magnus sighs, frustrated, but nods nonetheless.

He might have been angry and felt very small at the moment but he was curious.

_ Why would Alexander Lightwood, CEO of one of the most prestigious companies to ever exist, need to pay someone to marry him? _

He definitely had men lining up; desperate for his attention. Magnus knew this because whenever Alec was tired of his newest fling he would have Magnus arrange the most expensive bouquet of flowers for them along with a very blunt, very direct break up note and that was usually the end of them. Usually.

Some people just didn’t get the hint and still showed up at the office, which normally resulted in them being escorted out of the building; sometimes peacefully, sometimes rather publicly.

Magnus allows himself to be lead over to the couch, where Alec sits a good distance away.

Like everything else in the room, the couch told a story. A testimony to the of personality of its owner. It was a piece made for more style than comfort.

_ Something I’d have to take care of when I move in- _

_Wait! Where’d that come from?_ Magnus thought, panicked. He couldn’t — wouldn’t allow his mind to stray that far away from reality.

Alec cleared his throat.

“My father, as you know, passed away earlier this year,” Alec explains, snapping Magnus from the inner battle within himself. “Michael Wayland explained that in my father’s last will he made it very clear that I ought to be married before my thirtieth birthday otherwise the company that he worked extremely hard for will just be tossed aside to some random buyer. In order to obtain the company I don’t only have to marry before the required age but I also need to convince the board that I’m no longer what they think I am.”

There was something in Alec’s tone that sounded oddly familiar to Magnus. Something that he couldn’t quite pin point.

“Which is?” Magnus enquired, brows furrowed.

Magnus hands shook. His slender fingers pressed into the skin of his forearms, nails biting into the layer of skin, drawing beads of blood.

His entire body shook, bones rattling in the constant fear of the future that loomed over him.

Heart pounding so hard against his ribcage, as his pulse pressed onwards, jerking the veins within.

_ What kind of marriage would they have? _

_ Would it be valid? _

_ How long would it have to last? _

_ Would they have a big ceremony or just sign a few papers with a lawyer present?   
Would Alec Lightwood ever learn to respect him as a person? _

“Selfish, arrogant,” Alec explained calmly, with a face of utter nonchalance, as if he were merely discussing the weather.

_Could I actually do this?_ Magnus thought.

_ Give up my life — _

_What life?_ His inner voice bit back.

_ The life you barely make it through? _

_ You need the extra money and this is the only option that makes sense. _

“You could have anyone you want. Why are you asking me? You don't even like me and to be frank, I'm not quite fond of you either.”

Alec chuckled at his employee's bluntness. A brief outburst of laughter quickly brought under control. 

“Michael advised I hire someone who fits the image my father had before...everything: family first. I believe that you are an honorable man —”

Magnus scoffed, interrupting.

“As I was saying —” Alec continued, glaring at the other man. “You're an honorable man. You never complain, you work hard and you're always on time.”

“How do you plan on executing this plan of yours, Mr. Lightwood? Should I accept? Magnus asked his boss, ignoring the way his stomach tightened at Alec’s praise.

“You quit —”

Magnus’ eyes went wide. His brain formulated no other thoughts than to register that he was shocked. 

Magnus couldn't leave his job. That was only possible source of income.

He had bills to pay.

Ragnor depended on him. 

“I can’t quit my job, Mr. Lightwood.”

Endless thoughts trundled through his brain like a train, with no intention of stopping.

Alec looks down briefly, hiding his impatience.

“No Bane, just— ” He sighed, rushing his fingers through his soft, black hair.

“You will have to quit because boss-subordinate relationships are heavily frowned upon. I’d be accused of favouritism especially since I do pay you a lot of money and I’m pretty sure Reynolds will find ways to prove that having you so close to me is affecting my ability to run this company.”

Jason Reynolds, chairman of Lightwood & Lightwood Incorporated, and the right hand man of Robert Lightwood had always seen Alec unfit to run the company. Alec’s sexual orientation being the main reason why he didn’t believe Alec would be able to efficiently run a company as successful.

Magnus mulled over his boss’ words; carefully picturing the kind of life he would have should he agree.

_ Could he really just give up everything he had, which wasn’t much, for something that may not even work? _

As if hearing Magnus’ fears, Alec spoke up.

“Even if you do quit and it doesn’t work out I’ll pay you a sum of 10Million dollars for your assistance, however if you do accept my proposition, you’ll have to give up your job and your apartment and move in with me,” Alec explained carefully, arms folded tightly across his broad chest.

Magnus tapped his fingers on the arm of the couch nervously, contemplating.

There were times Magnus felt as though the world was slowly slipping away in front of him. Perhaps, it was just he was fading away. Magnus heart was hitting his chest so hard he feared it would break his ribs.

“What am I expected to do? As your..husband?”

“Well for starters, you’ll live with me, accompany me to any and every event I’m expected to attend and I don’t know… act as if you’re hopelessly in love with me. I’ll buy you anything you need and ensure you always have spending money. You won’t ever want for anything whilst you’re with me.”

Whenever Magnus thought of marriage, which was very often since he was a romantic at heart, he expected it to be a union of two hearts with someone who loved him and whom he could love back. Someone he’d be willing to sacrifice everything for without ever having to wonder if they’d do the same for him because he was that sure of their love.

“We’ll both sign a confidentiality agreement. I will pay you thirty thousand dollars up front. The rest you’ll receive at the end of the month. In addition, I’ll open an account for you to use for your own personal expenses. If you agree, you’ll need to pick up something for Sunday. My siblings are coming in from Paris for a few weeks and I expect to be able to introduce them to my fiancé  at that time. We also need to spend a bit of time together before then getting to know each other.”

“This Sunday?” The PA squeaked out.

“Yes, we need to get our stories straight. My sister Isabelle is a lawyer back in Paris and can easily detect a lie so we need to make this work, Bane.”

Magnus’ head pounded heavily; thoughts swirling chaotically. His nerves were frayed. In his building anxiety, he constructed elaborate rationalizations for why everything would turn out alright, but still the nagging voice at the back of his head spoke of nothing but doom ahead.

Magnus shook his head rapidly, disallowing the negative thoughts to get the better of him.

_ What Alec is offering could change my entire life around. _

_ How hard can being married to Alexander Lightwood be? _

“Maybe start by not calling me Bane?” Magnus added weakly.

“Right… _Magnus_.”

Magnus fixes Alec— his future husband— with  a look that he hoped said everything it needed.

“I accept. I will marry you.”

A slow grin spread across Alec’s face, wild and open, showing off his overly whitened teeth.

“Excellent. Where are you parked?”

Magnus’ eyes dropped to his worn out boots.

“I walked. I don’t own a car,” Magnus answered, in a quieter tone. 

Hesitantly, he looked back up at his boss; a gentle flush had risen on his cheek that made him look vulnerable; childlike.

They stared at each other for what seemed like hours until Alec took a step forward, Magnus held his breath as his boss’ thumb stroked gently against his cheek tentatively pressing his soft lips against his. Magnus’ head had gone hazy; body became stagnant at the sensation of Alec’s lips pressed against his.

Just as Magnus was about to return the kiss Alec retreated, a look of discomfiture etching his features.

“I’ll buy you a car if you work on kissing me like you love me otherwise we’ll never be able to convince anyone of anything.”

“I-”

“I’ll call you a cab."


	3. "In order to be happy oneself it is necessary to make at least one other person happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not exactly happy with this chapter. It was a struggle and I'm exhausted.  
> I don't want to keep you guys waiting an entire month again so here you go! A new chapter :)  
> You get the tiniest glimpse as to why Alec is an humongous asshole in this chapter..  
> I can't stress enough how grateful I am to everyone's who has read, left kudos & comments for me. You're all the Alec to my Magnus. Thank you

_ Alec _

 

Eleven o’clock morphes into twelve then one. The time trickles by, marked only by those changing glowing numerals.

My mind was blank; where there should be dreams is a heavy blackness, eyes are as stationary as the silhouette of my bedside lamp, where they rest.

When the sallow glow of the streetlamp behind it becomes white, I know my night is over.

My mind flickers to the cupboard and the sleeping pills, Jocelyn Fairchild, my psychiatrist had prescribed almost immediately after my break up with Jamie.

_ I don’t want them. _

_ I don’t want chemicals. _

I let my eyes flutter shut and they almost sting, open too long perhaps.

After a few restless moments, I recalled an old Italian tale Jamie would read to me when I was just a young boy, when we were in love, without the weight of the world on my shoulders.

_ God, I miss that selfish bastard. _

It’s been a quite sometime but my bedsheets oddly, faintly smells like that unnecessarily expensive cologne Jamie used to wear.

No one would ever know this but inside I was broken; shattered really, robbed early of the tape and necessary to put my soul back together.

My heart, poorly stapled shut, was beating harshly but without purpose, skin stretched across my aching muscles like a worn canvas.

My mind was like a lost man at sea; desperate and starving for some reason to live.

Desperate for a memory— a good, warm, welcoming memory. One I could smile to.

_ When was the last time I had a laugh with someone that weren’t my siblings? _

Jamie had connected to a part of me others could only dream of.

He saw a part of my soul that I had  _ never _ wanted out of the bag.

_ I loved you, Jamie. So much. More than anything. _

Once upon a time, I had stupidly thought our love, if I could even call it that, was something beautiful and raw.

Our happier times were more real than the blood in my own veins, I felt Jamie like the beating of my own heart.

I had held his hand, my face wet with tears, the day it finally dawned on me that Jamie hadn’t loved me. He loved what I did for him, he loved the sex, the fancy restaurants and expensive clothes.

My world had became blacker than it ever was, darker with the absence of my first, real love, loneliness crippling my every thought.

Before we had met, my heart was soft, with him it became strong and vibrant, now it was simply nonexistent.

“Did you ever love me at all, J?” I caught myself whispering into the night.

To come so close to love and lose it so violently is something that no medication can heal.

I knew what I was doing wasn’t healthy.

Without my permission, my mind replays the conversation I’d had earlier with my PA.

Magnus.

_ My fiancé.  _

Speaking of, I needed to buy him a ring.

I shake my head roughly; banishing all negative thoughts before it can plant the seeds of doubt in my head.

_ Magnus is the perfect candidate. _

Sure, he may a little flamboyant and, according to his Facebook pictures, way too colourful compared to what I usually went for but he was a man nonetheless.

A man that everyone at the office seemed to really like.

Everyone but me.

It was annoying how perfect he would appear to the average person but Alec Lightwood wasn’t an average man.

Magnus Bane was ordinary at best.

A hard worker and an orphan, according to the file I’d had drawn up about him.

He was the only child born to Indah Muliadi and Asmodeus (surname unknown), in Jarkata, Indonesia.

According to my findings: Magnus was brought up by this lovely mother and her husband, Setiawan. It was later revealed that the man Magnus had grown up knowing as his father was not.

A man starved of the privileged lifestyle but doesn’t seem desperate for it, not for himself, but for Ragnor Fell; the man that took him in after he found Magnus wandering the streets the very night he was finally free of the system.

The man who didn’t have much but still shared what he could with the young orphaned boy.

The man who lived in a one-bedroom apartment and gave up his room every single night for the young stranger and took the couch for himself for twelve years. All was well until three years ago when Ragnor discovered a black hole in their little circle of happiness: cancer.

Before  _ Lightwood & Lightwood Inc _ , Magnus Bane had worked every single odd job known to man.

Magnus Bane was an interesting man indeed.

He worked his way up. He didn’t stop, not even when he lost his parents, not even when his only caregiver had gotten too ill to even leave the house.

Magnus had emptied both his and Ragnor’s accounts, which really didn’t consist of much, just so Ragnor could be admitted into a nursing home while Magnus was needed at work.

Alec admired him, but more than anything he envied him, as ridiculous as it would sound to anyone listening.

Magnus earned everything he had; whether it was all bought from second hand stores or not it was something he earned for himself, with his own money.

He was a strong, capable man; the kind of man who would do anything, even marry his awful boss, to care for his family.

He would’ve been an amazing partner but Alec wasn’t looking for a partner. Alec was looking to save his father’s company.

_ Even in death, you seem to seek his approval. _

My fingers brushed softly through thick, tousled hair.

Izzy would have a heart attack if she even caught a glimpse of how my hair was kept on a daily.

Products were more a Jace thing than an Alec thing.

A slow, controlled breath escapes my lips in an attempt to loosen my sore muscles.

From the bedside table came the sound of my phone alerting me of a new phone call.

My eyes flicker over to the illuminating numerals.

_ 3:00AM. _

There was only one person insane enough to call at such an ungodly hour.

“Isabelle.”

 

The next morning, Magnus and I both acted as if nothing had changed between though it wasn’t hard to miss the way Magnus tensed up whenever he was called into the office.

“What is wrong with you?” I snapped when we were finally alone. 

Magnus hesitated a bit before withdrawing a thick envelope, quite similar to the one I had given him the night before, then left without another word, closing the door gently behind him.

I take a sip of the coffee left earlier by Magnus.

Hazelnut, my favourite.

Opening the envelope, I discover it is a list of random things  _ Magnus Bane _ related.

Things he thought I absolutely needed to know: pertinent dates, the general likes and dislikes.

I was impressed. It was an excellent idea.

It would surely save some monotonous conversation later in the evening.

I retrieved a sticker covered notebook from my desk drawer, one I had received from Max during his sticker crazed days, and began jotting down more stuff I thought he should know about me as well.

The rest of day followed smoothly. Nothing too hectic.

At exactly 7pm, my doorbell chirped notifying me of my fiancé’s arrival.

Punctual. I like that.

There was so much stiffness, a formality to our interactions, which I knew had to change.

Problem was, I didn’t know how to make it happen.

Sure, I thought Magnus was a good worker and person but that didn’t mean I liked the guy all of a sudden.

I escorted him to the kitchen counter, offering a glass of wine, which he accepted a bit too hastily.

“Are you hungry? I didn’t have the time to prepare anything. I hope you like chicken.”

Magnus nodded.

“Who doesn’t like chicken?” Magnus tried to joke, I noticed but I didn’t joke. I wasn’t a funny guy.

I’ll run my company and leave the jokes to the comedians.

“Vegans, obviously.” I deadpanned.

Magnus’ back straighten instantly, the small smile that previously tugged at the corner of his lips wiped cleaned.

“Of course.” 

I slid him the contract as we devoured our meal. Magnus picked at his meal slowly but I noticed him holding back, trying his hardest not to scarfed down the entire thing in one bite.

I answered his questions, offering some of my own.

“You're going to married to me, Magnus for God knows how long. I know you're aware of my _ sexual appetite.  _ I would never force you, regardless of what you may think of me, to indulge in something you don't want. Now you don't have to sleep with me but I will need something to keep me  _ sated _ for the time being and I really don't want to have to be unfaithful to my husband. I'm not my father.”

Magnus nods, shakily. 

“Verbal consent, Magnus. I would never touch you otherwise.”

We chatted a bit more until he finally signed the contract after over analyzing the document a few more times, then watched attentively as I did the same. 

“I've got two copies. One for each of us. I will keep them safe. Surely, you've already familiarized yourself with the various combinations and passwords of the house?”

“Yes sir.”

I studied him carefully for a bit, then nodded once I was satisfied. 

_ Atleast he's attractive.  _

I dabbed the corners of my lips with a delicate napkin before addressing the real reason for calling Magnus over.

I slid a small envelope across the table.

“That’s thirty thousand dollars, as promised.”

His eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“Mr. Light-”

“You need to move in tonight.”

Magnus turns, but too slowly to be considered normal, his fork drops from his fingers, clanking against the plate.

His mouth opens and closes several times, like his words are unwilling to take flight.

His yellow-green eyes suddenly brighter.

“My sister will be arriving on Thursday instead of Sunday, like we originally discussed. Today already being Tuesday means that you’ll need to move in  _ right now _ and resign tomorrow. Effective immediately.”

Magnus paled.

His face rigid with tension, belied his youthfulness.

He seemed to have aged a decade in seconds.

* * *

 

_ Magnus _

To say I was shocked was a huge understatement. The words coming from my boss’ mouth were quite unbelievable, shocking really. My mind was sent reeling, unable to comprehend or process the words escaping his lips. I looked away then looked back to see whether he was still there or if my mind had been playing some sort of cruel trick on me.

He was. It wasn’t.

I pushed my plate away, suddenly not very hungry.

“Assuming this plan of yours isn't successful, _Mr._ _Lightwood,_ can I expect a letter of reference from you? I would have to get another job.”

Alec inclines his head. 

“What you'll receive will be more than enough that you may not need to work for at least five years but to answer your question, yes. I will ensure you get a well paying job.” 

_ If I'm lucky it would last just a year. Ragnor needs to be taken care of properly _ .  _ Proper care is ridiculously expensive.  _

“Even though you think I'm horrible at my job?” I tried but could not seem to keep the bitterness out of my tone.

Alec smirked.  _ Actually smirked _ . 

“You're very good at your job, Magnus. If you were fishing for a compliment, you've got it.”

“Here.” Alec pushed a box of some sort towards me.

When I made no move to take it, he sighed, annoyed.   
“It’s just a cellphone, Magnus. You’ll need to get rid of the one you have now. You’ve already got my number so you can text or call me at anytime.”

Alec pushed his chair back noisily before walking down a hallway, which I assumed held his bedroom.

Two praises in two days. Mr Lightwood must be ill.

I didn’t know whether I was supposed to follow or not so I just sat still awaiting further instructions.

“Keep up, Bane,” Alec instructed without even turning.

I scrambled from the chair, almost falling flat on my face in the process. 

“Where are-”

“My bedroom.”

I followed quietly, not knowing quite what to expect. 

_Did he want to have sex_ _right now?_

Alec stopped abruptly, turning to face me. We stood so close our breathes danced together. I looked down, cheeks flushing darkly.

Alec tips my head back up, calloused fingers gripped my chin, not harsh as I expected his touch would be but soft, almost gentle.

“You’re gonna have to get used to this. You have to let me touch you,” He whispered, dragging his fingers down my cheeks, across my lips.

I shivered but it wasn’t from the cold caused by the AC blaring behind us.

“Kiss me.”

And like the loyal puppy I was, my lips crashed against his almost knocking the air from his lungs. He hardly had time to react before I pressed my tongue to the seam of his lips, and at his grant of access, I delved inside his mouth. It was a very messy kiss, with a strong sense of the dinner we shared earlier being exchanged in the intermingling of our billowing breaths.

My mind briefly reminded me of our earlier conversation and suddenly my hands tugged at his belt, undoing his zipper, as I was about to take him from his pants Alec pulled away first, my lips chasing his.

His chuckle brought back and in an instant, I was off him, tugging my shirt back in place.

“Very good. Not exactly what I had in mind but good job.” He deadpanned, looking almost as bored as he sounded.

My legs refused to move, too shocked, too embarrassed at his reaction after I put everything into that kiss. After I almost-

_ How could I let myself get away like that? _

_ Stupid! _

_ Just focus, Magnus! _

I kept a great distance between Alec and I as he gave a grand tour of his—  _ our house _ . 

“Over here, you'll find there's a private en suite. I'd presume you'd like to use that room?”

He must have noticed the puzzled expression colouring my face before I had a chance to mask it, because he spoke up. 

“This is a business arrangement, Magnus. Outside these walls, we will appear as a couple. We'll kiss, hold hands or whatever the hell couples did when they're in love. I don't know.”

I flinched at the cold tone he used when talking about our love life. I caught myself briefly wondering if it was personal or something else. _Someone_ _else._

“In here, you have your space and I have mine. I won't bother you and I expect you not to bother me either.”

A smirk edged at his features and I already didn't like what he was about to say. 

“Except with the sex, of course. I want you as close to me as you can possibly get.”

A dry chuckle escaped my lips. 

“You asshole.”

Anger boiled deep in my system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and I know it's too much for me to handle. The pressure of this raging would force me to express thoughts I've suppressed for years. 

I knew I had to get away before I erupted. I bolted from the room, snatching my coat scattered across the couch. 

Alec catches up to me almost instantly, which just angers me more. 

“ Don't touch me,” I sneered, yanking my hand from his grip. 

“You insensitive, inconsiderate asshole.”

“Yes, I’m an asshole. We’ve established this.”

I glared at him. 

“You asked me to do this, not the other way around!”

Alec rolled his eyes, and spoke quietly through gritted teeth. 

“You accepted.”

“I have to because at the moment, I don’t have a fucking choice. Your decisions have directly affected my life as well. I’m trying but God knows I’m not good actor.”

My eyes flashed with anger, much like lightning on a pitch black night. 

Something flashed behind his eyes but was gone before I could properly identify what it was.

“What are you saying?”

“If you can’t atleast attempt to be nice to me. This…  _ us _ ... it won’t work, Alexander. 

Alec tugged on the stubborn flop of hair covering his eyes.

Gently, he pushes me back until I’m seated in his couch.

I look up, confused by his actions.

Alec moved closer, kneeling in front of me, gripping the chair arms tightly.

“Jesus, what-what do you want, Magnus?”

My hand instinctively moves to cover his.

He flinches at the contact but doesn’t pull away.

“Can’t we atleast try to get along? Surely we can have a conversation without throwing insults at each other, right?”

A grin tugged at Alec’s lips. He was getting a glimpse of Magnus’ backbone and if he was being honest with himself, he rather liked this side of his usually quiet assistant.

“I apologize. I will do better. Anything else?”

“ I have a stipulation.”

“Oh-”

“I’ll finally be rid of these dreadful dark colours and wear whatever I want, whenever I want. I would also like to redecorate so your home—our home looks more like ours and not a museum and I’d really like to head home now.”

Alec nodded stiffly but I could tell he wanted to say something but held back, which was probably for the best.

The drive to my apartment was silent.

When we finally pulled up in front of the dilapidated building, Alec turns to me.

“You live  _ here _ ?”

Try as he might’ve, the disgust was quite evident in his tone.

“Yes, Alexander, I live  _ here _ .”

“Show me,” he demanded, yanking off his seatbelt.

I sat glued to the seat, glaring at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh for the love of- Please. Please show me, Magnus.”

* * *

 

Alec

 

I followed my PA up the uneven path.

I hoped to every deity that my car was still there when we returned to the parking lot.

I hadn’t, in the slightest, even tried to hide my disgust as I looked around what I assumed was Magnus’ apartment. It was a dump.

Worn furniture, a desk that also served as a table with a few mismatched chairs scattered around it.

I strided over to one particular door, throwing it open. A tiny bathroom, holding an obviously mildewed shower.

It was all too familiar. Oddly familiar.

It reminded me briefly of where Jamie used to live before I demanded he moved in with me.

None of this made a lick of sense to me.

I stepped in front of, towering over his slightly smaller stature.

“Are you using?”

“Pardon?”

“Why are you living like this? You’re one of my most paid employees. I know you can live somewhere way better than this. What are you spending your money on? Don’t lie to me.”

Burning rage hissed through Magnus’ body like a deathly poison.

“I don’t have a drug problem,  _ Alec _ . I have other priorities to attend to. Not all of us can afford five hundred thousand condos.”

“If I find out you’re lying, Magnus, the deal is off.”

“I’m not lying!”

I eased back, scanning his face for even the slightest mishap.

“Okay.”

It didn’t take that long to pack up Magnus’ stuff. He didn’t have that much to begin with. The drive back home was silent, which I was grateful for.

It had already been close to midnight by the time we arrived back home but Magnus was insistent that he packed his stuff away before he went to bed.

I couldn’t just leave him wandering around aimlessly so I stayed up, offering to help.

He gave me a strange once-over before even attempting to accept any help from me.

After an hour Magnus’ room was all settled.

“Get some sleep, Magnus. We have a big day ahead of us.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me your thoughts in the comments. They make me incredibly happy and makes my days at work more bearable :D
> 
> If you didn't already know y'all can catch me on Twitter: @trinityx08 and share your thoughts or to just yell really.. It's fine


	4. "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE HEED THE TAGS!

_ I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars. _

 

_ — Og Mandino _

  
  


“I’d imagine you’re settling well, Magnus?” Michael queried, upon entering the Lightwoods’ estate. From the sun-baked dryness of outside, the air conditioning of Alec’s prestigious home was a whole new blessing to his skin. Removing the briefcase tucked from under his arm, Michael rolled his shoulders in an attempt to loosen the stiff muscles as he observed his young Godson’s home, or lack thereof. Frowning, he noticed that the young men were still awfully formal in each other’s company and they have yet to make their habitation  _ theirs.  _

“Everything has been to my liking, Mr. Wayland. Thank you. May I offer you something to drink, to eat maybe?”

Michael smiled fondly at the young man he’d come to know so well over the years. In this hectic storm of a world, Magnus Bane was the gentle center. Everyone needs a harbour, a secure attachment of love, which was why the second Michael had read his now late friend, Robert Lightwood’s will almost eight months ago, he knew in the depths of his soul that Magnus Bane would be the one to save Alec from drowning, the one to teach him to not just endure and survive but to  _ live _ too.

Magnus has always been such a warm, consistent and patient soul, not to mention, an exceptionally hard worker. He would be the one to guide Alec into the light; away from the darkness that has clouded over his life, clouded over his heart.

Michael shook his head kindly, a soft smile still etched on his face.

“Don’t trouble yourself about me, Magnus and please, for the umpteenth time, Michael will do.”

Magnus’ lower lip tugged out in a transitory mock pout.

“We can’t just have you in our...home and not offer you something. Please Michael.”

Alec glanced at his fiancé, a muddled expression clouded his features just briefly before it was removed completely.

Michael accepted Magnus’ offer quickly, in an unsubtle attempt to keep Magnus busy as to discuss with his Godson what was really bothering him.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus knew a dismissal when he saw one. So like the obedient employee he was, he left the room without another word.

Closing the door behind him, Magnus braced against it, raking his fingers through his tousled and tangled hair, frowning. His hair had grown at an uncontrollable rate over the past few months as he wasn’t able to spare a few dollars to get it done professionally. A strangled yawn escapes his lips. He was tired.

He hadn’t slept a wink the previous night as his mind was reeling with thoughts of his new life.

_ There had been absolute stillness. _

_ No sound could have been heard, either close at hand or far off into the distance. Magnus’ own breath seemed to die the moment it left his mouth. It was an eerie sort of tranquility, instead of being soothed. His senses become heightened. He had felt like a prey though no predator could be detected. It was as if the world was encased in a cocoon, a bubble and there was absolutely no way out. _

_ Living in the rougher parts of Brooklyn, Magnus had grown accustomed to the late-night ruckus. He had even, for some odd reason, looked forward to the trains running across the tracks every night. The soft graze of metal was somewhat soothing; lulling him into a deep slumber after an especially long day at the office. _

_ In the stillness of the night, sleep became a fleeting chore. _

_ Magnus huffed, frustrated, pulling the duvet under his chin before rolling over to the darker side of the room. His room, in his house. The house he now shared with Alec-Alexander. His fianc _ _ é _ _ , his soon-to-be husband. His. _

_ He found the darkness strange, having had spent his previous nights bathed in artificial yellow glow from the streetlamps outside his window, the soft light filtering through the gaps of his discoloured curtains. _

_ His once neatly made bed was now a mess of limbs tangled between soft, cotton sheets. A lingering haze of sleep sat somewhere at the back of his mind but was too far to grasp, floating in a pool of memories. _

_ In the inkinesss of the night, Magnus’ mind had supplied demons real and fictitious; reminding him of deadlines both near and in the distant. _

_ Focusing his eyes on the obviously antique and no doubt ridiculously expensive clock, scrutinizing the second hand, which seemed to linger an extra minute at every passing second. _

_ 4AM. Barely three hours since he had last said goodnight to Alec. _

_ Defeated, Magnus angrily shoved the covers from his body, pressing his open palms onto the soft surface below him as he settled himself into a comfortable sitting position. _

_ If he couldn’t sleep, he ought to find something else to occupy his obnoxiously, loud thoughts. _

_ Catarina. _

_ Magnus knew his best friend’s schedule like the back of his own hand which meant he also knew that her shift began at 12AM and would ease up at around 3-4AM unless she was absolutely needed. _

_ Unlocking his phone, he headed to his contacts before realising that after an hour or so of settling into his new room that he hadn’t even bothered to reprogram anyone’s number. _

_ Later. I’ll get to it later. _

_ Catarina’s number has been wired permanently into his brain for as long as he’s known her so it really doesn’t come as a surprise when his fingers found the required numbers on their own accord. _

_ “Catarina Loss.” _

Magnus blinked, silently chiding himself for having let his thoughts escape him again.

Quickly, he poured a glass of whiskey neat, eying the amber liquid. It had been awhile since he’s had any proper alcohol. Ragnor had kept quite a collection over the many years of his life and on especially important occasions such as birthdays and job promotions, he would bring out one of his finest and they would celebrate the event.

_ Fuck it _

Magnus downed the warm liquid down quickly before rinsing the glass, pouring another glass for Alec, then Mr. Way- _ Michael _ .

 

* * *

 

“Do you know his name?” Michael asked, not unkindly.

Alec’s brows scrunched together, confusion colouring his face.

“Pardon?”

Michael’s hands rested softly on the young man’s shoulder, a silent act of comfort as Alec was not one to appreciate warm hugs and soft touches. Not anymore.

“His name is Magnus, son. He’s not Jamie. He will never be Jamie. Jamie was an awful person who didn’t deserve you nor your love.”

Michael’s eyes shone with unshed tears and the warm gentleness his friend, before the greed of wealth crushed his soul, used to carry. Instead of flinching as Alec normally would when touched, he was soothed by it, grounded by the concern and care of his Godfather but Alec being the type of person he now was, would never allow himself to show any other expression other than grim.

“I know his name, Michael but thanks.”

Michael sighed, sliding his hand from Alec’s shoulders down to his arms before eventually breaking the contact completely.

The two businessmen stood in an awkward knee-deep silence until Magnus returned from the kitchen, tray in hand.

If Magnus noticed how thick the tension was, he doesn’t comment on it but rather offered some refreshments to both his fiancé and their lawyer with a small, polite small on his lips. Whiskey neat for Alec, diet coke and rum for Michael, as requested.

“Why are you really here, Michael?” Alec asked as he places his untouched beverage onto the small coffee table in front of him, rolled his shirt up to his elbows before taking a seat. His face expressionless, with no sign of feeling at all. To describe his facial expression would be like describing a blank piece of paper.

Michael, used to Alec’s antics, just shuffled through his briefcase quietly until he found what he had been searching for.

“Have you both come to some sort of agreement?”

“Yes dad.” Alec respondly dryly, tipping his glass of whiskey to his lips, savouring the slight burn that came with it. Alec always had a way of not mincing his words. If he wanted you to know he was annoyed or disinterested in whatever it was you were trying to explain to him he would let you know with little to no hesitation.

Michael scowled, the skin between his eyebrows wrinkling slightly.

“Alexander!” Magnus didn’t know what possessed him to address his fiance as  _ Alexander _ instead of just  _ Alec _ but he had. His cheeks flushed as he awaited a berating from the younger man. Instead, he was shocked at Alec’s response, “Apologies, husband.”

Alec suppressed a cringe. No one called him Alexander. Not anymore. They knew not to as his full name always brought on memories of Robert Lightwood he would do best to forget.

Michael’s face flushed red. Alec had angered him. 

“I’m not the enemy, Alec. I only wish to help you.”

Alec had the decency to lower his head in something akin to embarrassment.

Magnus found himself smiling in amusement.

Like a homemade sweater, Alec was beautifully composed and thoughtful in appearance, but itchy and irritable in comfort yet you couldn’t help but put up with it.

“You’re right, forgive me. Please let’s just carry on.”

Michael seemed please with with this answer, a tiny smile tugging at his mouth.

“Have you discussed your sleeping arrangements?”

He asked, draining the last of his diet coke and rum, humming appreciatively as the cold liquid reached the back of his throat.

Alec’s eyes flickered over to Magnus, briefly, before he straightened up, grateful for the conversation change.

The next two hours were spent discussing how best to execute their plan; what should and should not be said or done if they wished to sell the idea of them actually being in love and are stoked to be wedded. 

Michael reached into his briefcase once more after the topic of Magnus’ payment came up.

“I’ve got you two credit cards. This,” Michael gestured to a customized heavily gold-plated Visa credit card with the letters  _ M&A _ engraved on the bottom left. “This one here is your joint account. You may not need to use this ever it’s just for show, however if you did spend money from it that’s perfectly alright too. I’m sure your husband wouldn’t mind.”

Magnus worried. Things he felt he should have done at his age, coupled with his perceived failures dominated with his mind. He thought about his actions and words, finding them inadequate. His festering guilt rendered his mind ineffective. 

His inner dialogue taunted him yet again. It whispers to him every ugly outcome. The world seems closer to his eyes, the air becomes soupy; harder to breathe. A glossy sheen coats his eyes that hadn’t been before. His thoughts scatter like an electric storm in his head, too many short circuits to make any sort of sense. All the while there’s only one thing that plays around in his head, on a loop.  _ Her _ voice.

_ You’re failing, not enough, unlovable. _

“ _ — _ share a bedroom?”

Magnus snapped up, a blush searing through his cheeks and for a minute he felt as though his face had been caught on fire.

Leave it to Alexander Lightwood to cause Magnus Bane to be a blushing mess of a person.

“You mentioned Isabelle would be arriving tomorrow, yes?” Michael asked, though he had already known what he was saying to be true, as he had already spoken to young woman.

Alec sighed, resigned and frustrated.

“It’s best you become acquainted with the idea of sharing your bed with Magnus than be uncomfortable and awkward by it when your sister finally arrives.”

Alec scowled.  _ Of course _ .

“Alright.”

“Alright?” Magnus and Michael echoed instantaneously, shock mirroring their faces.

“Mrs.  González should be here in about,” he paused, glancing at his  _ Portsea  _ hand watch. It was beautiful, another unnecessarily expensive piece of gadget, but it was beautiful, sleek black. It suited him. Magnus would never admit it but it was by far one of his favourite things of Alec’s, besides his eyes, of course.

“30 minutes. She will assist you in transferring your stuff over to my room. I trust her. You will too.” Alec’s eyes were bored into Michael’s amused ones but his word were directed at Magnus who just nodded stiffly.

Michael cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable with the thick tension hovering above them.

“Can I walk you out, Michael?”

Magnus offered, beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable himself.

Michael nodded, clicking his briefcase shut before briefly bidding Alec goodbye.

The second they were out of earshot, Michael tugged on Magnus’ arm gently.

“He’s not a bad person, you know. He’s just been through alot. It’s made him bitter and uncaring but he isn’t heartless. He just needs a bit of guidance which is why I chose you to begin with. I know you’ll be good for him and in time he will be good for you too.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Young Max is twelve years, obsessed with comic books and...claims to love chocolate more than his entire family?”

Hours had passed since Magnus’ meeting with Mrs.  González, a short, plump woman with shoulder-length silvery hair that was scraped into a bun at the back of her head, her heavy Spanish accent reminded Magnus of his mother whenever she tried to speak English when he was just a boy. A few soft kisses were exchanged in her presence, which she smiled happily at before proceeding to scold Alec about his unhealthy eating habits. 

“Rosaline,” Alec groaned, a tinge of pink dusting the top of cheekbones. “Consejo no pedido, consejo mal oído” (Advice not asked for, advice poorly heard; someone who doesn't ask for you advice doesn't want to hear it. Don't give advice unless you're asked)

Rosaline scowled, cursing herself for ever teaching the boy Spanish. Magnus had found that he rather liked Rosaline. Sharp brown eyes focused on Magnus, studying him silently. Then she smiled; bright and full and trusting. 

“Be good to my boy, Magnus. I’ll castrate you if you aren’t.” A mischievous glint tugged at the edges of her eyes. They glowed with humour and playfulness that never seemed to escape her. Nevertheless, her eyes also possessed a deep seriousness.

_ Don’t hurt him _

_ He’s been through enough _

_ Love him properly _

She fussed as much as she loved, which reminded Magnus oddly of Ragnor. A wave of sadness settles in the pit of his stomach. Magnus is strong. He has to be. He’s had to be strong whilst he was in that dreaded foster care, then shortly after he has had to be strong for Ragnor. He’s been putting everyone’s needs before his own but on the inside, he’s been suffering a never ending death. At night he suffers alone, pouring out his tears to the stars, begging for someone _ —anyone _ to understand his misery, to understand that he’s tired and couldn’t do it on his own. Not anymore. He’s been begging for someone to love him so much that, eventually, they would be able to see past his ugliness but no one has. No one ever does.

Alec inclines his head, pleased at the fact that Magnus remembered even the tiniest, mundane fact about his little brother, unknown to Magnus’ silent suffering.

The heat of the day has ebbed away to a comforting warmth. Magnus and Alec were sat in the dining room. They hadn’t left after being served Patatas bravas by Mrs.  González, a dish Magnus learned to be one of Alec’s favourite. He stored the new information in his mind for a later date. It wasn’t a love marriage, that much was true but Magnus had planned to be the best husband to Alec, for both of their sakes.

It was a grand space, to say the least. The huge mahogany table took up majority of the vast space. The walls were covered with a shimmering gold paper and in the middle of the ceiling above was a candelabra.  Down the center of the table was a runner with Celtic design woven in gold and green into the fabric itself. The floor to ceiling french doors were left slightly ajar to let in the scented, cold air. The polished silver cutlery was heavy to the hand and shone brightly in the early evening light. All that was missing was the food and the guests... _ children _ .

“About Ragnor Fell..” Alec starts, letting his words hang suspended in the air. Magnus sobered up at that. 

“He’s at  _ Gloria’s Nursing Home _ .”

Alec nodded, a sympathetic sigh escaping his soft lips. A splash of hurt flashed in Alec’s eyes so fast Magnus was quite certain he had imagined it. The only indication that he hadn’t was clenching of Alec’s jaw.

Briefly, Magnus was thrown back to last year, the day after Robert Lightwood had passed on. He had known that Alec and his father hadn’t had the best of relationships but anyone with a pair of eyes could’ve seen how badly it affected him. 

“A friend of my sister works at  _ Venus’ Elderly Facility. _ I know you’d prefer him closer to you so I already spoke to Meliron, who graciously provided a room for him under such short notice. You mentioned he liked to read?”

Magnus nodded, dumbfounded. He had understood that being married to one of most eligible bachelors in New York came with its perks but he hadn’t expected this. It was... _ overwhelming. _

“There’s a private library isolated from the other patients as you mentioned he hates everyone.”

A nervous chuckle escaped Magnus.

“You didn’t have to do that. Ragnor has to learn how to play nicely with others.”

Alec just shrugged.

“I’m sure you want him to be comfortable. It’s the least I could do.”

A heavy, awkward silence settled over them, thicker than the uneasy tension. Magnus shifted uncomfortably.

Alec pursed his lips.

“I’m clean,” Magnus blurted out just for something to say then immediately flushed deep red afterwards. That wasn’t quite how he wanted to tell Alec that he wouldn’t be opposed to having sex with him. What harm could it do? If he were to be stuck in a marriage with a handsome man he may as well enjoy it properly.

Alec raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at him, unimpressed.

“Clean?”

Magnus felt his insides grow warm in an unpleasant way.

“I haven’t had sex in about two...three years but I get checked up regularly; every month to be precise so I’m...clean.”

Alec remained unperplexed.

“I see.”

Magnus’ heart twisted and sank with nerves.

_ Alec was going to turn him down. He had just embarrassed himself yet again in front of his man — _

“You _want_ to?”

“I do _ — _ ”

Alec pushed his chair back, holding a hand out to Magnus. His hazel eyes darkened slightly at Magnus’ hesitation.

Magnus stood, his head tilted back to meet Alec’s eyes.

Unexpectedly, Alec’s hand drifted to Magnus’ hip. It settled there as he pulled him closer, flushed against his chest. Magnus’ breathing quickened as did his fiancé’s. Alec began nuzzling Magnus’ neck with soft, delicate butterfly kisses so faint they were whispers. Alec’s lips ghosted over Magnus’ pecking once, twice until their breaths mingled. Alec’s lips were firm against his but the kiss remained soft as their lips moved in perfect sync. Magnus moved the hand resting on Alec’s cheek to the back of his head, fingers tangling in his mess of black hair, lightly pulling Alec to him, adding a bit more pressure to their lips, deepening the kiss.

“Bedroom,” Alec croaked out, his grip tightening on Magnus as he moved them backwards, feeling out the door handle before yanking it open. Magnus’ back pressed against the door, the door handle digging into his back but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not now. Not when Alec’s lips were pressing into his neck, his cheeks, against his lips. 

“Alexander.”

 

**_< <SMUT BEGINS HERE!!!_ **

**_IF THAT ISN’T YOUR THING YOU CAN SKIP THIS ENTIRE PART AS IT’S JUST ALEC AND MAGNUS BEING NAUGHTY. YOU WON’T MISS ANYTHING >>_ **

 

Pieces of clothing were scattered across the room as the duo made their way over to Alec’s bed _ —their bed. _

Magnus was pressed into the soft sheets, Alec hovering over him, staring down at him, hazel eyes blown wide.

“Are you sure?”

Magnus could have wept at how gentle Alec Lightwood, his grumpy, never satisfied boss, was being with him. His fingers dragged across the length of Magnus’ body leaving goosebumps in their wake.

“Yes,” Magnus whispered, his voice thick with lust and barely audible.

Alec gazed down at the man pressed underneath his body. Noting Alec’s hesitation, Magnus slipped his hand between their bodies, feeling out Alec’s cock, moaning quietly as he felt how slick he already was with precum.

Alec seemed to be broken from his spell at the action and slowly, carefully pressed his weeping head to Magnus’ hole, smearing his precum against his rim.

“Alec!”

Without removing those hazel orbs from Magnus’ yellow-green eyes, Alec feels around under his pillow until his fingers brushed against the full bottle of lube.

Magnus’ flinches as a cold, lubed finger circles his rim.

“Relax,” Alec murmurs, trailing kisses along Magnus’ neck; distracting him from the burn of being filled again after so long.

In a swift motion, Alec’s finger slid into his fiancé, forcing a loud moan from Magnus’ lips.

Forest-green painted fingernails twisted into the soft sheets under them, so tightly Magnus’ knuckles turned white.

“Alec- _Ah_!”

A second finger joins the other before slowly scissoring, loosening Magnus as much as possible could from their position.

Magnus  _ screamed _ as the third finger joined the others, nails clawing at Alec’s back. Alec pumped slowly before plunging faster at Magnus’ request. Alec could hardly keep the smugness out of his facial expression. Magnus was extremely vocal and Alec couldn’t have been more pleased.

“Are you stretched enough?”

Magnus nodded mutely, pressing kisses to Alec’s hair.

Alec pressed inside, slowly as to not hurt Magnus.

“AH! Alexander, please!”

Alec paused, the head of his cock pressed into the Magnus as the other man writhing below him, clawing at his back. “I won't break, Alexander. Fuck m—”

Magnus words were broken off, replaced with a piercing scream as Alec slid all the way inside, stretching his rim wide. It was almost unbearable— _also too much_. 

“Oh God! Fuck, you're so big. Oh God, Alec. AH!”

A litany of moans tore from Magnus lips as Alec fucked into him, harder and harder. 

“You feel so good, Magnus,” Alec grunted against Magnus’ ear, the deep timbre of Alec's voice sending chills down his spine. 

“So good on my cock. I could fuck you forever.”

The sound of skin against skin echoed throughout the otherwise still night. 

Alec hooked his arm under Magnus’ knees, spreading him wider, sending Alec deeper into Magnus’ tight heat as he fucked harder, the head of his cock pressing snugly against Magnus’ prostate. 

Magnus _screamed_ , pleasure tears gleaming in his yellow-green eyes. After an embarrassingly short amount of time, Magnus felt that familiar tug in his stomach, clenching hard around the hard cock that was splitting him open. 

“Ah-Alec-Alexander Ah! Oh fuck fuck fuck!”

Alec pressed his body tightly against his fiancé, holding Magnus’ hands above his head as he circled his hip to reach even deeper inside. Magnus thrashed wildly, his legs hooked behind Alec's back as he just laid there, just taking all of Alec. Alec's hips snapped wildly to the point of pain. Magnus’ was unbearably full, his ass  _ burned,  _ a thin sheen of sweat coated his skin as he spread his thighs wider to accept the punishing, bruising thrusts.

"I-Inside. Cum inside."

“You take me in so well. Such a pretty hole to fuck.”

_ Fuck! I'm actually taking him, giving him my body to use to his liking. I'm actually having sex with Alec.  _

Magnus had been so caught up in his mind, that his orgasm, when it finally came caught actually took him by surprise. He _sobbed_ __ as his orgasm ripped through him, thick, sticky cum coated both his and Alec's chest. 

Alec's balls drew up, tight as he fucked harder, faster. His orgasm was just teetering on edge when—

“Hey Alec, I took an early flight—Oh my God!”

Alec stiffened inside Magnus, cock twitching. Magnus had been far too fucked out to notice Alec had stopped snapping his hips, that Alec wasn't filling him with his cum. Magnus whined quietly at the back of his throat, pushing down on Alec's cock to get him moving again. Alec gripped his hips, stilling his movements, growling as he ripped at the covers, throwing it over where him and Magnus were joined.  

In a strained tone, Alec gritted out, “Isabelle.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe you haven't notice but I suck when it comes to writing smut!  
> Let's just ignore how awful that was and instead, let me know how you feel about the direction of the story so far.  
> Comments feed my otherwise sad, lonely soul <333  
> As always, thank you all for reading. It truly makes my day to know people are actually enjoying this little fic.
> 
> P.S. I proofread but I'm sure my eyes missed a few stuff. If you happen to find some errors please nicely point them & I'll fix them!


	5. ...a little slow, a little late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't proofread at all so if you happen to find typos, please let me know.
> 
> ENJOY!

_ We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one waiting for us. _

_ — Joseph Campbell _

 

“Isabelle.”

Alec had been tossing and turning for hours, unable to fall asleep so as upset as he wanted to seem at his little sister for calling him at 3AM, he really wasn’t. He was grateful for the company, for a distraction even if it were just for a few hours.

There was clinks of pots to be heard in the background, and Alec silently thanked every deity that he was nowhere near Isabelle Lightwood and cooking. He felt bad for poor Simon though. The poor sap that married his baby sister just two years ago.

Simon Lewis, the nerdy accountant that talked way too much about everything and nothing at all, had somehow managed to coerce his sister into loving him.  _ Him,  _ of all people. Then to make matters worse, he had brought a fairly annoying red-head along with him, his best friend, whom Jace just happened to fall for in two seconds; unrealistic but Alec kept his mouth out of that conversation. He didn’t like Clary at all and he didn’t think he would ever like her for as long as air possessed his lungs. Of course, Alec had given Simon quite a scare because well... _ apparently _ he’s mean but he is also Isabelle’s older brother and wanted nothing but the very best for his sister. It only took him about a year out of the two they had dated for, prior being married, until he finally warmed up to Simon after seeing how much his sister loved the dork and he loved her just as much.

Him and Isabelle had always been close growing up, often referred to as  _ ‘the twins’ _ when they were younger as Izzy was always tall for her age. 

“Alec!” Izzy chirped, excitement evident in her voice. His sister’s voice never failed to make him smile,  _ actually smile. _

If it wasn’t for her, he didn’t know what would have become of him after his breakup with Jamie. He had gotten unstable, reckless, drinking himself to stupor every single night at one of the local bars, which resulted in having either Isabelle or Jace, having to drag him back to his own home unless he left on his own, dragging a random guy to his house, picturing Jamie’s face as he fucked them. It was wildly unhealthy but thankfully, his baby sister, stubborn as she was, had not given up on him. She was the reason she was still alive, still trying and he owed her everything.

“I’ve got exciting news!” She squealed and Alec couldn’t help the tiny chuckle, forcing its way past his lips.

“As do I, Isabelle Lightwood. As do I.”

Isabelle excitedly explained that she would be arriving in New York along for a total two weeks. She had finally decided to take a short leave from her busy job as a lawyer and planned to spend some well needed time with her brother. Alec happily agreed, as he had missed her. Being on opposite sides of the world made it difficult for them to keep in touch. Isabelle, as a lawyer and Alec, running an entire company by himself took up the majority of their time.

“So what’s your news?”

Alec’s smile faltered. He had completely forgotten about his engagement, if it could even be called that. He sighed internally, cursing himself for ever listening to Michael’s ridiculous plan to wed his PA.

Isabelle would know from the tone of his voice. Sister’s intuition or something insane she called it.

He allowed happier thoughts of his relationship with Jamie to seep into his mind, just once. He needed that pathetic, sticky lovestruck tone he used to have whenever he spoke about Jamie to his sister. She needed to believe that he was desperately in love.

_ Just this once. _

Green eyes almost completely covered by long, brown curls and dimpled grin flashed before his closed eyes. Jamie in his shirts that were way too big on his slender frame, Jamie making him breakfast in bed, the way he gasped  _ I love you _ every single time they made love.  _ Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. _

“I’m in love.”

The absolute silence at the other end of the line made Alec’s blood run as cold as the air that crept through his opened window.

“Alec,” Isabelle’s sympathetic tone whispered. “Jamie doesn’t _ — _ ”

Of course Isabelle had believed he was talking about Jamie. He tried so desperately to convince her that he wasn’t still hung up on his first ever boyfriend but she never seemed to believe him and sometimes, he didn’t quite believe himself either but he had gotten over Jamie now. Jamie had no ties to his heart, not anymore.

“I’m not talking about Jamie. His name is Magnus. I love him, I proposed and we’re getting married.”

 

* * *

 

Magnus fingers curled inside his palms tightly, suppressing a wince as he forced himself to sit comfortably on the stool. It had been bad enough that his soon-to-be sister-in-law, Isabelle, had walked in on Alec balls deep inside him, he didn’t need her knowing how sore he was from his and Alec’s earlier activities. Alec, however, noticed. His right hand wrapped tightly around Magnus’ waist, helping him comfortably onto the stool, angling him in such a way that he wasn’t completely sitting on his rear. Magnus clung to him, grateful for the assistance. 

“How long?” Isabelle’s tone sounded strained; face blank and emotionless. She hadn’t said a single word after walking in on them, just turning her back to him before heading out to the kitchen leaving the newly engaged couple to finish what they started, which Alec accepted, albeit reluctantly, which now resulted in Magnus’ soreness.

Long, black hair flowed seamlessly across her shoulder, red lips stretched into a tight line and arms clasped tightly across her breast. Alec frowned.

“Izzy _ — _ ”

“Were you going to keep this fashion icon locked up in your bedroom for?” Isabelle squealed, her lips cracking into a wide, happy smile.

“Uh _. _ ”

The smile on his sister’s face proved to Alec that she hadn’t been upset, which would not have made sense at all considering Alec had spent hours telling her about Magnus Bane, silently thanking his fiancé for the list he had put together at the very beginning of their little arrangement.

“I stalked you on Instagram and I just couldn’t wait. I had to fly here a day earlier and compliment your wardrobe in person.”

Magnus blinked. Well, he hadn’t been expecting that.

“Thank you, my dear. I take pride in looking my very best.”

Isabelle’s smile widen as she tossed her hair over her shoulders, giving her new brother-in-law full access of her outfit; skin tight, knee-length mauve dress paired with 6-inches black stilettos, gold rings, save for her wedding ring, adored her fingers and a navel-length gold necklace. She was  _ stunning  _ and she very much knew it. Magnus’ eyes lit up, excitement pooling in his yellow-green eyes.

Alec rolled his eyes playfully at his sister’s attire, leave it up to Isabelle Lightwood to throw on her very best for a nine hour plane ride and still look as put together in the end as she had at the beginning of the ride.

Magnus nodded in approval. “A woman after my own heart. If you weren’t united in wedlock and I currently betrothed, I would have proposed right now.”

Isabelle and Magnus chatted happily for hours, mainly about fashion, whilst Alec just sat in the background, his thumb unconsciously rubbing circles into Magnus’s side. Isabelle had removed the rings from her fingers as she idly twirled her necklace, listening attentively as Magnus recalled a fashion disaster he had encountered working in the makeup department how many years ago. It was well into the wee hours of the morning when the  duos chatter quieted down a bit. Isabelle stifled a yawn into her closed fist, lolling her head from side to side.

“Tired?” Alec teased with a smirk. Isabelle shot him a glare with no real malice behind  it as she hopped down from the stool, clearing away the pizza boxes Alec had ordered whilst her and Magnus had been deep in conversation. Magnus straightened his back in an attempt to stretch his muscles, wincing visibly as he felt a sharp pain. This time Isabelle had noticed, narrowing her eyes between the two men. Alec pulled the shorter man closer to his side, pressing a kiss onto the side of Magnus’ head. “I’m sorry.”

“Aloe Vera should help with that.”

“Hm?” Alec asked, nuzzling his nose into Magnus’ neck, offering every possible comfort he could since he was to blame for Magnus’ discomfort. He hadn’t meant to be so rough with the smaller man. His sister had ruined his climax, which made him claw harder to find it back before it was lost forever and he was forced to sit through a conversation with his little sister in such a painful state.

“His soreness. Just apply some there and  voilà ! Good as new.”

Magnus flushed a deep red, averting his gaze from Isabelle as she chuckled quietly in amusement. “Isabelle!” Alec warned through gritted teeth.

“Alexander!” Isabelle mocked, her smile never leaving her lips.

Alec rolled his eyes. Honestly, Magnus was shocked his eyes hadn’t gotten stuck at the back of his skull with the amount of times he had rolled those hazel darts.

Magnus murmured a quick thanks, clutching onto Alec’s shirt to aid himself in standing before he even knew what was happening he found himself being swept up, being carried bridal-style by his fiancé. Startled, he wrapped his hands around Alec’s neck tightly. Isabelle cooed but Magnus barely heard it as he stared intently into Alexander’s eyes, his breath caught as Alec stared down at him, a smirk at his lips. “Gotcha.” The betrothed bid Isabelle their goodnight as they made their way to their bedroom. Alec rested him gently down on the bed and without another word left, leaving Magnus alone in their bed. Magnus sighed as he peeled his layer of clothing from his skin. After stripping down to naught, Magnus skin was coated in a thin sheen of sweat. It was a struggle and everywhere hurt. It had been awhile since Magnus had had sex. He almost forgot how amazing it felt and how good it hurt. On shaky legs, he made his way over to the closet he now shared with Alec, frowning as he realized he really didn’t have much of anything and silently wondered if Alec would mind him using their credit card to get him some stuff he actually wanted to wear.

“Here.” Magnus’ back stiffen. It was silly really but he felt a little exposed knowing Alec was just mere inches away from his naked form. Magnus was in no way ashamed of his body but Alexander...he intimated him, made him nervous.

Slowly, he turned towards the owner of the voice. Alec had stripped down to his black boxers. He held out a tube of some sort and upon further investigation Magnus realized it was a tube of Aloe Vera for his soreness.

“Thank _ — _ ”

“Let me.” Magnus swallowed, resisting every urge to wrap his arms around his naked body. Alec had sounded... _ angry. _

_ Is he upset because I’m too sore to go again? _

Magnus’ mind reeled with every possibility that would logically explain why Alexander was angry at him but couldn’t seem to find anything so he just decided that if he wanted to know what was wrong with Alec he’d just have to ask.

“Are you alright, Alexander?” 

“Fine. Lie on the bed.”

Magnus sighed but complied. His fiancé, he learned, was a man of little words and also very little emotion.

Alec hovered over Magnus as he unscrewed the tube. Magnus gulped. “I can do it.”

Alec said nothing as he squeezed the cool gel onto his fingers, spreading Magnus’ legs wider.

“I’ll do it.”

 

**THIS ISN’T EXACTLY SMUT BUT PENETRATION WILL BE INVOLVED.**

 

“Alexander, you don’t have t _ — _ ”

A stuttered gasp was ripped from Magnus’ lips, cutting off his protest as he felt a cold finger slowly pressed inside him. His fingers curled into Alec’s biceps. Alec hissed at the sudden pain in his arm but otherwise hadn’t complained.

“Al _ — _ ”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, twisting his finger to ensure the gel got everywhere.

Magnus shuddered, forcing the digit deeper which caused him to scream, clenching hard at the intrusion.

“Stop that!”

Magnus forced his body to relax as Alec massaged his insides. Instantly, he felt a bit of a relieve. His ass wasn’t burning as it had been a few minutes ago.

“Why didn’t you tell me it hurt?”

“It didn _ — _ ”

Alec’s finger stilled as he raised his eyes to meet Magnus’. In a cold voice he whispered, “Don’t lie to me, Magnus.”

Magnus shook slightly. He  _ had _ been in pain when Alec started moving again between the overstimulation and the bruising thrusts he had felt as though he was going to burst but he hadn’t complained, hadn’t asked Alec to stop because...well _ — _

“I’m not a monster, Magnus. If it gets too much you can always ask me to stop. This isn’t just for my pleasure, it’s for yours too.” Alec almost sounded sad.

“Alexander, I’m fi _ — _ ”

Alec’s fingers withdrew, he poured some more gel onto his fingers and pushed inside carefully. 

“You can barely walk, Magnus. You can’t sit. You should’ve told me it was too much. I’m not a monster,” He repeated, pumping his finger slowly, gauging Magnus’ expression.

Magnus moaned softly, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered, spreading himself open. 

Alec shook his head, withdrawing his finger before wiping the digit onto his boxer briefs.

“Not tonight. Not like this. Get dressed and sleep. It’s late.” Magnus showered quickly, got dressed and crawled back into the bed. Alec never returned to their bed that night.

 

* * *

 

“I meant to ask last night but I forgot,” Isabelle said suddenly as she combed through a shelf of shirts she suspected her brother would like and who better to ask than the man he was getting married to so that’s how Magnus had found himself in  _ H&M _ with Isabelle. Grateful for the excuse to get away from Alec, Magnus happily accepted. He needed a new wardrobe anyway and things were still a bit of tense between him and Alec. Magnus’ pain was almost entirely gone and he could move easily now but Alec was still hostile towards him anyway. Magnus was a bit saddened by Alec’s behaviour he had thought that he had maybe cracked Alec’s icy walls just a bit but he hadn’t and they were now back to stage one. “Where’s your ring?” Magnus’ eyes widen slightly.  _ Shit _

_ What the hell do I say? Alec hadn’t mention rings, probably never even thought of it. _

“I _ — _ ”

“I know you guys are fighting,” Isabelle continued as if Magnus hadn’t just tried to get a word in. “He didn’t sleep with you last night and you’ve barely said a word to each other all morning.” Magnus groaned, he had really been hoping Isabelle hadn’t noticed that but he should’ve known that nothing got by without Isabelle’s knowledge.

Isabelle smiled kindly, pausing her attempt at brightening up her brother’s wardrobe with a bit more colour as he  _ ‘obviously didn’t have enough’. _

“What happened?”

Magnus sighed, his shoulder slumping in defeat.

“He thinks he hurt me _ — _ ”

Isabelle opened her mouth ready to protest.

“ _ — _ in bed.”

Isabelle’s mouth hung then immediately transformed into a look of disgust.

“I was really sore, as you saw, and he got really mad about it.”

Disgust turned to confusion, then understanding and before Magnus could even get a word out Isabelle started laughing, tears streaming down her cheeks, belly clutching laughter.

Magnus frowned, confused at the younger woman's actions.  _ Why the hell is she laughing? _ Seeing Magnus confusion, Isabelle quickly sobered, carefully wiping the tears from her perfectly made up face. 

“I'm so sorry. I'm not laughing at you, I promise but Magnus, my brother likes to blame himself for literally everything that happens in his life. Our father, before he died, hadn't been the best person. He was always so hard on Alec, pressuring him to be this perfect soldier, with perfect grades and a perfect wife but after Alec came out as gay it just got worse and to make matters entirely worse, Alec’s first boyfriend was such a golddigger, he didn’t love my brother the way Alec loved him. He loved Alec’s money and the life he had whilst he was dating Alec but I guess it’s true what they say, money doesn’t always equal happiness and eventually Jamie got tired and just left. Alec had proposed to him and everything, bought him the most expensive ring money could buy but Jamie, he was selfish. He just torn my brother’s heart out and didn’t care. I’m only telling you because I doubt Alec would have even though he loves you there are some things he would never share with anyone.”

Magnus’ heart broke. He knew there had to be a reason explaining why Alec was the way he was but he just hadn’t expected it to be so brutal. He suddenly felt a deep-seated hatred for Jamie and all that he’s done to hurt Alec. Alexander may have been an asshole and way too full of himself but not even he deserved that. 

“Was this the first time you’ve been hurt in  _ that _ way?” Magnus blinked, clearing his mind from the evil thoughts of Jamie. Alec’s ex, his first love.

In that moment, Magnus hated himself for ever thinking that telling Isabelle about his and her brother’s sex life was ever a good idea so he just nodded, busying himself picking out some shirts he thought would look great on his fiancé. Isabelle noticed that her brother-in-law had gotten uncomfortable and gracely changed the topic. They talked as they shopped about everything and everyone. They chatted about Simon, Isabelle’s husband, who Magnus thought sounded like a delight; a bit talkative but still a delight. She mentioned Jace and his girlfriend, Clary, who he have been dating for the past four years now and young Max. Magnus had heard quite a bit about Max from Alexander and already loved the littlest Lightwood.

After stopping for a quick lunch, they headed back to the house, which they found empty as Alec was still taking care of some stuff at the office so they just emptied their hundreds of shopping bags, packed their clothing into their respective places and just sat on the couch, watching every Chick Flick ever made until nine o’clock when Alec finally returned home looking every bit of exhausted.

“Talk to your man,” Isabelle whispered as she made her way to her own bedroom, stumbling along the way.

“How was your day?” Magnus asked, following Alec to their bedroom. He really didn’t want things to be awkward between him and Alec. They shared so much now.

Alec’s hand froze midway to the first button of his shirt but he recovered rather quickly, tugging his shirt from his body, his toned torso gleaming in the room lit only by the moon situated right outside the window.

Alec nodded his answer, running his fingers through his hair as he worried his bottom lip with his teeth. “You went shopping?”

“Isabelle asked me to join her. I bought some stuff I hope you don _ — _ ”

“Good. Do you need to shower?”

Magnus sighed before adding a quick no. Alec nodded before stripping bare and walking over to their en suite.

Magnus readied himself for bed as he waited for Alec to return. He opted for a red boxers and a tank top, applied his face moisturizer and settled back against the cold sheets. Magnus was still awake when Alec finally emerged from the shower. His lips parted as he exhaled deeply, drinking in Alec’s naked form. Alec Lightwood was such an attractive man. It was easy to see why a flock of men followed him around and kept coming around long after he was through with them. Water dripped from his hair, trailing down his chest unto his perfect abs and lower until they reached his _ — _

_ No! _

The water defined his well organized and obviously worked out body.

“Figured you’d be asleep by now.”

“That why you showered for thirty minutes?”

Alec’s lips tugged up faintly in amusement.

_ Maybe he isn’t too mad if he’s talking to me. _

Magnus tossed the covers from his feet, shivering as his bare feet pressed to the cold floor.

Alec watched his every move as Magnus made his way over to the taller man. 

Magnus held his gaze the entire time and without breaking their contact dropped to his knees, his mouth parted. His hand reached out to fondle Alec’s balls when the man stopped him with a simple “don’t.”

Magnus frowned, confused by the man’s actions.  _ Did he not want to? _

Apparently he had spoken aloud because responded with a simple, “ _ No, I don’t _ .”

Magnus nodded numbly, forcing his legs to function.

He walked over to their bed slowly. Alec following closely behind.

Settled comfortably into their bed, Magnus turned towards Alec, his mouth parted to say something, anything to his fiancé but Alec beat him to it.

“No, Magnus. Sleeping with you in the first place was a mistake. You’re not the type of man I would usually go for anyway. I was caught up in the moment and I hadn’t had release since I learned of my father’s plan for me to marry. We’re business partners first and foremost, which means we should act as such. No intimacy unless it’s absolutely necessary. We will share this bed and this room but that will be all. I’ve drawn up your resignation letter and will drop it in first thing tomorrow morning. It will be a bloodbath so I suggest you remain at home. I won’t sleep with anyone you have my word and I am a man of my word but I just can’t sleep with you again.” Alec’s tone was distant, cold, his eyes remained fixed on the ceiling. Magnus felt as though he had been doused in cold water. He didn’t understand why he had somehow convinced himself that Alec could ever been anything than heartless. Obviously, he understood that Alec had been hurt before but that was no excuse to treat him the way he had. He hadn’t done anything to him. He gave up his entire life just to assist Alec in gaining his father’s and Alec hadn’t seemed to be even the tiniest bit grateful.

It hurt.

Pain covers him like a cloak he’s never wanted, clinging to skin. “Okay.”

He doesn’t know how he had managed to find his voice when all he wanted to do was fold himself into the tiniest ball and cry his eyes out but by some miracle he did. He would’ve preferred Alec take a knife to his skin than speak such cold words to him. Magnus turned on his side, facing away from Alec as a stray tear trailed down his cheek.  _ Am I so unlovable that even my fake husband can’t tolerate me for more than a night? Am I lesser because I can’t provide for myself and Ragnor? _

As much as Magnus tried to hold it in, the pain burst from his throat in the form of a silent scream. Tears rushed down his cheeks with no sign of stopping. He squeezed the pillow in an attempt to muffle his crying. He was alone. Regardless of the man lying besides him, he was alone. He would always been alone because the universe just didn’t care enough to give him the happy ending he knew he deserved to have. Alec noticed the slight tremor in his fiancé’s posture, the stiffness in his back, the way he squeezed his pillow so tightly his knuckles whitened, heard the whimpers he tried to muffle but his eyes remained fixed to the ceiling. Magnus would get over it. They all did eventually. He should’ve known touching him would’ve resulted in the man thinking they were getting closer. They weren't. It was business. Magnus obviously couldn’t be professional. He let a bit of meaningless sex cloud his judgement, distract him from the bigger piece of the puzzle. They couldn’t afford distractions, not now. Not when Michael had visited whilst he was at work to convince him to move the wedding up a few days he had agreed but what he didn’t realize was that he had just agreed to marrying Magnus Bane in a week’s time. 

 

“What do you mean your PA is resigning?” Jason Reynolds, chairman of  _ Lightwood & Lightwood,  _ inquired as he thumbed through Magnus’ perfectly executed resignation that he had insisted on writing himself. After the previous night, Magnus has kept quite a noticeable distant from Alec. He never speaks until spoken and never instigates any touches or kisses unless Alec did. Isabelle watched on suspiciously and Alec knew he would have to fix their situation when he got home to squash any seeds of doubts that was possibly growing in his sister’s mind.

“He no longer needs the job here.”

Reynolds eyed him warily, his eyes narrowing before widening. A lazy smirk stretched across his face as he uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, his open palms pressed against his desk. 

“You’re fucking him.”

Alec remained stoic, eyes resting lazily on the older man.

Reynolds laughed loudly as he leaned back, picking up his cup of coffee his PA had served him just minutes ago. 

“Is he a good lay? He looks like he knows what he’s about.”

Alec’s eyes locked on Reynold’s eyes, arms folded tightly across his chest, a hellish glare clouding his features. Reynolds chuckled, looking down at Alec as if he were lesser than him because he enjoyed being with men and not women as everyone, at one point or another, told him he should enjoy.

“I would invite you to our wedding but I don’t want you upsetting Magnus with your homophobic slurs.”

 

* * *

  
  


Upon entering his home, Alec was greeted by Isabelle humming along to the radio, one of her Law books in hand. Alec smiled at the sight of his sister so relaxed after so long.

“Hey Iz.” Isabelle’s eyes snapped up at his voice, eyes twinkling in excitement as she hurriedly dropped her book on the table.

“About time, big brother,” She exclaimed, rushing over to her brother and pulling him into a tight hug. Alec squeezed her back affectionately. He had truly missed his baby sister.

“I heard you ripped Reynolds to shreds! Lydia, Magnus’ friend, called and told him everything.”

Alec chuckled. It really wasn’t that big of a deal but he knew his sister wouldn’t let him rest until she got the whole story from his own mouth. He sat her down on the couch as he recalled all that went down. He explained how Reynolds figured out also immediately than him and Magnus were an item and threatened to have him removed as he broke one of the accords: Boss-Subordinate relationships were 100% not allowed within the work but Alec had calmly explained that they never, not once brought their relationship to the office, they both acted professionally around each other, to which Reynolds reluctantly agreed to their union and had accepted Magnus’ resignation without a hassle. Isabelle pulled him to the kitchen, forcing him to eat something. He only agreed after realizing she had ordered from  _ Taki’s _ , one of his favourite restaurants, instead of actually cooking.

“Where’s Magnus?” Alec inquired after having eaten his dinner and his sister had gotten all of her praises in.

Isabelle’s smile faltered.

Alec frowned at his sister’s sudden quietness. 

“Izzy?”

“He’s in the bedroom. He’s been in there for hours.”   
Alec sighed. This whole fake relationship was proving to be very challenging. Alec nodded his thanks after assuring his sister that everything was alright between him and his fiancé.

Alec pushed open his bedroom door and was greeted by Magnus fiddling nervously with a wooden box. He hadn’t seem to realize Alec had arrived so the businessman called his name, quietly as to not startle him.

“Alexander, hello. I didn’t hear you come in.”

Magnus scrambled to his feet, box still in hand as he made his way over to Alec.

Alec eyed him suspiciously, his eyes darting between Magnus’ obviously puffy face to the box clasped tightly in his hand.

“What’s that?”

Magnus fumbled with the box, His hand shook slightly but he gathered himself.

“We don’t have rings and uh-Isabelle mentioned it yesterday morning whilst we were shopping I meant to mention it last night but..”  _ after what happened I didn’t want to upset you further. _

Alec’s jaw tightened. He hadn’t planned on having them wear rings now until they were married of course, until he was certain Magnus wouldn’t walk away... _ like Jamie had _ . 

“We don’t need those, Magnus.” Alec tried to keep the frustration out of his voice but upon seeing Magnus’ flinch he knew hadn’t succeeded. He sighed, tugging at his hair. He was really trying but Magnus was just so infuriating and stubborn .

“Maybe we can use them for the wed _ — _

“Michael already has our wedding rings, Magnus.”

Magnus nodded, his eyes shifted to the side gazed with a glassy layer of tears.

“Okay. I already showered you can go ahead.”

Alec showered quickly as he was exhausted. He couldn’t even bring himself to dress after thoroughly drying his body before collapsing onto the bed besides Magnus.

“I’m visiting my friends tomorrow. I haven’t seen them ever since I accepted this job offer,” Magnus whispered into the still of the night as he pulled the separate sheet he took for himself under his chin. If Alec had noticed that him and Magnus weren’t sharing the same cover anymore he was too tired to even comment on the fact.

Alec hummed appreciatively as the soft pillows cushioned his head.

“Alright, Magnus," Alec responded before falling into a deep slumber.

Magnus felt rung out. His insides felt raw and blistered. The words Alec had spoke to him the night before still haunted him. Ragnor was being offered the best care possible, Magnus lived in a nice house, never had to worry about meals or rent but yet he still wasn’t happy. He had always thought that having everything he’d ever wanted; living a comfortable life would make him happier but it hadn’t. Nothing had changed. Magnus was still alone.

  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you yell, I know that I haven't updated in close to 2 months. I apologize but I'm back now :)  
> A bit of a filler chapter, but I think it's necessary to cover this ground going forward.  
> I will try to update sooner...
> 
>  
> 
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER, @saralarssons!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter <333

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

**– Will Rogers**

  
  


In the four hours Magnus have been in bed alongside Alexander, he must have woken atleast five times. With every disturbance there was a new nightmare. Alec deciding Magnus was too much and hadn’t wanted to go through with the plan anymore, leaving him jobless and penniless without any means of providing for Ragnor, which results in Ragnor’s demise. Alec disrespecting him and dishonouring their marriage by bringing other men into their matrimonial house and fucking them on their bed. Magnus steals a glance at Alec, his usually hard, polish features softened with sleep. Alec’s tousled black hair, stark against his pale skin, his features boyish as he slept. Alec was  _ beautiful _ and Magnus...well Magnus was inexplicably attracted to the other man. He wouldn’t lie to himself nor to Alec should he ever ask, which was why Alec’s words had affected him so badly. He was trying his damndest but it never seemed to be enough. 

The darkness swirled around his curled form on the bed, tendrils of inkling bleak reminders of his solitude. The silence echoing in his ears was the constant white noise that never shut up. 

His head swam in the fire burning inside, the only smouldering embers of a time where there had been other presences with him, around him, in him. But now, the void had been slowly filled with a cold, howling storm of fear that refused to ever let up. He was completely and utterly alone in his mind, body, soul, and most of all, entirely alone in the world.

Magnus sighed. After a tumultuous few hours of vivid disaster fuelled dreaming, Magnus was more awake than ever. He snuggles deeper into the covers, willing himself to return to sleep but he cannot seem to, no matter how hard he tries. He lies still, becoming more irate as the minutes tick by. This sleeplessness is his torture. While the rest of the world embraces their dreams, their full eight hours of rest, he tosses and turns, chasing the white rabbit. 3 AM morphs into 4 AM and Magnus decides that no matter how hard he tries he won’t ever be able to fall asleep. 

“Can’t sleep?”

Alec’s usually hard, polished face appeared softened with sleep, hazel eyes heavy as they peered at Magnus from under a crown of messy, black hair. They shone like sunlight on polished stone and hid a wealth of confusion.

“Sorry for waking you.”

Alec frowned, eyes darting across Magnus’ face as if trying to decipher what was bothering him through his expression.

Had Alec not be so close to the other man he would’ve missed the telltale signs of forgotten tears that decorated his  fiancé rosy cheeks. Constant abandonment had taught Magnus the art of mastering a blank expression even when all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry heavily.

Alec sighed, rolling unto to his back, eyes fixed on the ceiling above them. Magnus’ mouth grew dry and stomach turned at Alec’s sudden quietness.

He felt as though his brain was full of static, either firing off millions of unhelpful thoughts all at once or offering nothing at all.

“I’m not good at apologies, Magnus but I am _...sorry _ for all of the awful things I’ve said to you. I had a bad day but that isn’t an excuse. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

Outside, rain floats in gentle waves, as if gravity is soft music from the Earth, a sweet beckoning serenade. Each drop bequeathed itself upon. Together they painted a picture around the glowing moon.

Magnus’ breath seemed to stutter in his lungs before he releases it, feeling oddly perturbed by Alec’s apology and the depth of sincerity in his tone.

Alec sighed.

Magnus seemed to be very much awake but hadn’t said anything in response to Alec’s apology.

Obviously he deserved that.

He couldn’t have expected Magnus to accept his apology or atleast acknowledge it but he did. Magnus was important to him, his happiness, his comfort, they all were his priority if he wanted their arrangement to work. He didn’t want to be the reason for Magnus’ tears, for Magnus sadness.

He wanted the older man to be happy in his new home, not uncomfortable and suffocated.

He wanted to try.

“You’re not the first person to keep me at arm’s length or to never speak to me again after sex and I’m quite certain you won’t be the last. Thank you for apologizing but it’s fine. I understand that this is business. It was my own fault for getting so caught up.”

Alec felt dizzy.

He felt as though his lungs were slowly filling with water, as if there was less space for air. Magnus deserved so much better than the card he had been dealt, he deserved someone who cherished him because Magnus Bane was nothing short of amazing. Alec would never admit though, his pride too great but he promised to do his best at showing Magnus that he was able to treat him better than he had been for the past week, better than the world had been treating him.

Against his better judgement, Alec pressed his chest against Magnus’ back, arms wrapped around him tightly. Magnus stiffened, shock flooded his entire body. He lay there rigid in Alec’s arms, his heart thumping loudly, smacking against his ribcage as though it wanted to be freed of its captivity.

There’s a tenseness to Magnus which makes him appear more of a mannequin on the soft mattress than a man of flesh and bones. The world outside teases him with its silence, the rain had long stopped as Magnus laid there stiffly in his fiancé’s arms. Time is marked only by the numbers changing on the bedside clock. Magnus’ mind is constantly regurgitating the worries of what this meant for them.

_ Is Alec holding onto me because he really felt bad? Does he feel obligated to for he fears that I would leave because he isn’t treating me the way I think I deserve to be treated? _

_ Could he actually be sorry? _

“And I know I said we should probably avoid sex but we both have our own needs and since neither of us can go elsewhere...If you ever wanted to, of course…” Alec trailed off, the offer hanging heavily in the air. 

Alec sighed at Magnus’ continued silence.

He was  _ babbling _ .

Alec Lightwood  _ never _ babbled.

_ The silence was poisonous in it's nothingness, cruelly underscoring how vapid their conversation had become. _

“M-maybe we should get up now.”

The black sky had gradually turned into dim grey and the illumination of stars got languidly lusterless. Millions of stars in the ebony sky started hiding their brightness and got slowly dissipate.

Divergent birds were gently flying in manifest sky and their dulcet dawn chorus was easily audible.

The first orange hued rays appeared on the skyline, which went through the clouds and the prodigious sky was easily visible. The sun came out of its abode across the brilliant orange horizon and glimmered in the sky. The sparkling sun started slowly rising up the scarlet skyline, which clearly differentiated the sky and the land.

Now the warm breeze can be felt and the plants made a beatific smile towards the sun.

Alec nodded stiffly, releasing Magnus from his tight grip.

“Yeah.”

  
  


Magnus busied himself with ransacking the pantry, looking for the ingredients needed to make one of Alec’s favourite breakfast dish:  _ Greek Yogurt Pancakes _ . 

How had his world spun out of control so quickly? He had already prepared himself for Alec’s wrath the entirety of their marriage. However, Alec had been offering him small smiles, actually maintaining eye contact with Magnus whenever they spoke, didn’t appear annoyed at Magnus’ questions or just his presence in general, which made Magnus incredibly uncomfortable. He would’ve preferred Alec being the asshole he always knew him to be. He didn’t know how to act around this new Alec.

Alec sat the Island patiently awaiting his breakfast. Hazel eyes followed Magnus across the room as he sifted through the pots and pans, his teeth pressed into his bottom lip in deep concentration.

_ His fiancé. _

Even Alec could admit that Magnus was an attractive man, not his type in the slightest but attractive nonetheless.

He wasn’t blind, he was able to admire a beautiful man without it ever having to mean something and it meant absolutely nothing. Magnus was his employee and if he didn’t act like an asshole for the rest of their arrangement, maybe they could be friends.

He hadn’t noticed before how much distance Magnus kept between them. Magnus would always either trail behind him or walk in front, anything to not be stuck with Alec whenever they were expected to walk the same path. Magnus didn’t even look at him unless they were expected to speak to each other or to appear affectionate around onlookers.

He had messed up badly. 

“Here.”   
Alec blinked.

Magnus had placed a stack of pancakes in front of Alec, who smiled happily.

“Thanks, Magnus.”

Magnus nodded, placed a plate of pancakes for himself and joined Alec at the table. 

A heavy silence settled over them, thicker than the uneasy tension in the atmosphere. Unsettled eyes glanced unceremoniously, Magnus doing his best to avoid Alec’s eyes. “Are you still visiting your friends today?” Alec asked between bites of his breakfast. Magnus swallowed quickly before nodding.

Alec dug into his pocket, retrieving a small velvet box. He glanced up at Magnus, only to find the man intensely studying his breakfast. He cleared his throat in an attempt to attract Magnus’ attention but Magnus hadn’t lifted his head, too lost in his own thoughts or simply just keeping to himself.

“Magnus.”

“Yes?” 

Alec slid the box towards the man, who eyed the box suspiciously before accepting it. 

He frowned.

“I promised I’d buy you a car.”

Magnus thought he did a good job of hiding his shock. He hadn’t expected Alec to  _ actually _ buy him a car. He thought they would’ve shared one of Alec’s many cars.

“Oh..uh..thank you.”

Alec nodded, washed his and Magnus’ breakfast ware and walked out of the kitchen without a single glance back.

Magnus let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding.

_ Well then... off to Catarina’s. _

 

* * *

 

“I need a drink,” were the first words out of Catarina Loss’ mouth after sitting through Magnus’ hour long explanation as to why he had suddenly decided to marry  _ Alec Lightwood _ , who he had expressed his dislike for every single time he spoke to her. Magnus nodded, accepting her offer when asked if he also wanted a drink. The amber liquid slipped into Magnus’ mouth, nullifying him.

Catarina eyed her friend warily, swirling the whiskey in her glass, the clinking the ice against the glass was the only thing to be heard, save for the duos soft breaths. 

“And you’re _in love?_ _With him?_ ” Catarina conceded, a deep frown etched onto her features. Magnus dragged his almost emptied to his lips, draining the glass in one gulp, just for something to do. 

_ You’ve made alot of stupid choices, Magnus Bane but this is by far the dumbest! _

Magnus sighed inwardly. There was no way he would be able to convince Catarina, his best friend of many years, that he had been secretly dating his boss for the better part of a year. She would never believe that especially not with how much he had constantly lambasted his boss, referring to him as every unpleasant name he could find. His mind, without his permission, supplies him with images of Alexander. Alexander naked, Alexander inside him, Alexander, as rare as it was, smiling, Alexander’s face when he found his release. Magnus shook his head, his trance broken. He blinks rapidly, clearing the fog then looks up, finding Cat’s eyes; warm and brown and kind.

He can’t lie to her.

She is his best friend, his sister.

“No. I’m not in love with him.”

Cat’s mouth parted, a berate ready at her lips.

“It’s business, Catarina.” Magnus dives into the process of their engagement, explaining how desperately Alec needed a husband in order to prevent his father’s business from being sold to some insolent child, which Catarina scoffed at because, the irony.

“Thirty thousand dollars per month  _ and _ he’s paying for Ragnor’s medical expenses?”

“You can’t tell anyone. Not Raphael and definitely not Ragnor. His family doesn’t even know it’s a pseudo engagement and his sister Isabelle is so lovely and happy that her brother’s found someone and I-I just  _ can’t _ shatter her hopes.”

“You’re not sleeping with him are you?”

Magnus’ shoulders slumped in embarrassment. He looked away avoiding his friend’s eyes.

“Is he  _ making _ you sleep with him? That bast ―” Catarina’s jaw clenched tightly in rage.

“Cat, no. Believe me he isn’t making me do anything I don’t want and I  _ did _ want to. Don’t worry yourself about that though. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping with again.” 

Catarina couldn’t help notice how defeated Magnus sounded, as if he were terribly disappointed at the fact that they wouldn’t be sleeping together anymore.

Sunlight streams through the window, brightening Catarina’s tiny space yet her mind reminds clouded with grey.

Cat knew her friend.

She knew him better than anyone, better than even himself at times and she could already see the end. 

Magnus would fall for this man, day by day and slowly lose himself in the process because Alexander Lightwood wasn’t capable of loving another being. He was a selfish, entitled rich boy, who changed partners as often as he changed his perfectly tailored Armani suits.

Fear looped around Catarina’s mind until there was room for nothing else, her teeth tugged at her bottom lip, a nervous gesture Magnus caught easily. Cat swallowed hard, willing her eyes to remain dry and her mind focused.

She understood.

God knows she did.

She understood how hard it had been on Magnus she tried to help in every way she could but it was never enough. The bills were piling and Magnus had sold everything he had ever owned, save for some valuables from his mother, but it was not enough. She had never wanted this for her friend. She still blames herself to this day for having gotten adopted; leaving Magnus there all alone at the orphanage without anyone to fend for him. Not that he needed it but she was always rather overprotective of the younger man. She would always protect him. Magnus smiled; small and grateful and obviously so very forced.

“It’s okay, Cat. Ragnor will have a better and hopefully longer life. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Is he atleast good to you?”

Magnus sighed; resigned and weary. So quiet it almost went unnoticed; it’s sound, it’s movement dissipated out into the vastness of the world.

“He wasn’t before. I wanted to leave him and this whole ridiculous plan behind but Ragnor… I  _ couldn’t  _ but then this morning, it was like a switch had flipped.

He’s been nice to me and it’s odd really.”

Cat sighed. She knew Ragnor would never want this. He would never want Magnus to suffer for his sake. He’d always wanted what Catarina and Raphael had wanted for Magnus; for him to find happiness, for him to find love, to build a family with someone who loved him very much.

Someone that wasn’t Alec Lightwood. Someone that didn’t blackmail him because that’s what it was.

It was blackmail. 

“Nice bling though,” she mentioned, in attempt to add some humour to the conversation that had gotten very dark, very quickly.

Magnus stiffened, albeit briefly, before remembering the ring on his finger. A sudden wave of hope flooded his chest once again as he remembered how Alec had worn his engagement ring after dismissing the idea so briefly the night before.

Seeing this, Magnus wore his as well.

_ How could he not? _

Isabelle had easily noticed that he wasn’t wearing an engagement ring shortly after being engaged. If Isabelle could, others would notice as well and raise unnecessary speculations that Alec didn’t need right now. He tried to convince himself that he wore the ring for him, because he had spent close to  _ $5000 _ for the pair of  _ Him&Him _ rings, because he thought he deserved to have something nice for once but the tiny voice at the back of his head said the complete opposite. He didn’t want to ruin things for Alec, regardless of how uncaring his soon-to-be husband was towards him.

_ Why did he care so much for a man that, until this morning, hated everything he stood for? _

_ Was it desperation? Loneliness? Both? _

Magnus puts on a fake smile to hide his pain from his best friend. The reason he does this is so he doesn't worry her, however the pain’s becoming too unbearable. It hurts now to even fake a smile.

“Thank you.”

Outside the walls, darkened gray smudges of wool threateningly surrounded the sky; like a predator would encircle its prey. A startling low rumble rang loud in the cool fall air, the sky roaring with satisfaction. 

Catarina smiled fondly; memories of a young Magnus and herself playing in the rain which eventually led to them getting scolded by Mrs. Frenchman, flooded her mind. Memories of simpler, happier times and just like that Magnus’ dilemma escaped her mind, surely not forever but for the time being just so she could enjoy the time with her friend, reminiscing on the last time Cat had ever seen her friend truly happy and carefree.

 

* * *

 

 

“Good evening,” Isabelle greeted, legs crossed at her ankles as she sat at the Island sipping a steaming cup of coffee.

“Isabelle,” Magnus hissed, pressing his closed fist over where his heart rested.

“You startled me.”

Isabelle smirked before blowing on the hot beverage.

“Why are you still up?” Magnus asked as he peeled his jacket from his body.

“I was talking to the hubby. I miss that dork.”

Magnus felt a pang of jealousy flood through him as emptied a bag of  _ Cheetos _ into large bowl. His husband wouldn’t miss him the way Izzy obviously missed hers whenever they were required to be in different countries. Alec would probably be ecstatic at the idea of not having to spend his days with Magnus; not seeing him every morning when he woke, or before he closed his eyes at nights. Magnus listened as Isabelle explained how her and Simon were planning on starting a family and how she hadn’t told her brothers yet because she didn’t want to jinx it but somehow felt comfortable confiding in Magnus and made him swear on everything he owned that he wouldn’t breathe a word of it to her brother. Magnus promised he wouldn’t. She didn’t have to worry about that. Alec never spoke to him unless it was to ask if he needed a shower because he wanted one and wouldn’t want to have Magnus waiting while he took his extremely long showers though he seemed to be changing his mind as of late.

“What about you guys?” Isabelle asked, dusting the cheese dust from her fingers.

Magnus raised a perfectly arched brow at her.

“What about us?”

Isabelle smirked.

“My brother is so ridiculously smitten with you. He literally just went to bed. He was waiting up for you,” Isabelle explains happily changing the direction of the conversation as she reached for some  _ Cheetos _ .

Magnus glared at her obvious change in conversation.

“We’ll play with your kid instead. None for us.”

Isabelle frowned, sad brown eyes looking up at the man who would soon be her  _ brother-in-law _ . Magnus had sounded so sure, too sure that him and Alec wouldn’t have children. She knew that her brother had always wanted children of his own. It would tear him apart if the man he loved didn’t want what he wanted.

“Alec has always wanted children.”

Magnus excused himself, explaining that he should probably see Alec before he completely lost his mind but the truth was he couldn’t just sit around listening to Isabelle gush over her man knowing he’d never have the opportunity to do that ever, especially after hearing that Alec has always wanted to be a father.

He’d be lucky if him and Alec even had a friendship but an actual marriage? Children? There was absolutely no way. Isabelle seemed a bit saddened to see him go but understood how important it was to ensure her brother didn’t feel too neglected considering his past love life.

Magnus entered their bedroom to find his  _ soon-to-be  _ husband sitting on the edge of their bed with his phone in hand, bed light on to aid his reading. He would’ve looked peaceful, content even if not for the crease in his forehead.

_ He seemed worried, nervous even. _

“Everything okay?”

Instead of startling like Magnus had expected, Alec switched off his phone and turned to face Magnus, a tiny smile at his lips.

“Hey, did you have a good time?”

Magnus eyed him suspiciously. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to Alec being nice to him. 

“Yes, thank you. How was your day?”

Alec shrugged. “It was odd taking a day off when all I’ve done is work to the ground for the past years.”

Magnus nodded. “I’m gonna take a shower,” he explained gesturing towards the bathroom. 

Magnus strips down and makes his way into the bathtub slowly, turning the water on full blast as he sits there peacefully, allowing the warm water to beat over his head in steamy rivulets. Twenty minutes later, he’s lying besides Alec who seems to be a bit preoccupied with his phone, slender fingers tapping wildly against the phone screen.

“Goodnight.”

Alec paused, as if just realizing that Magnus had returned, switched off his phone, giving the older man his undivided attention.

Magnus fiddled with the covers nervously as he carefully picked his words apart.

“I think you should meet Ragnor. He’ll probably give you hell but I’d rather you guys get to know one another before he saw it on the television or something.”

Alec pondered Magnus’ words. He hadn’t planned to actually meet the old man. He had figured that paying for his well being would have been enough for Magnus but clearly, he had been mistaken.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Magnus.”

“If I can’t convince Ragnor that we’ve been dating then what’s the point in all of this?”

Yellow-green eyes bore into hazel, challenging him, waiting for Alec’s response that still wouldn’t change his mind in the slightest about what he wanted.

Alec sighed, accepting defeat.

_ He’s got a point. Ragnor seems like a bit of an hardass so better to have him believe that I actually care for his kid or my entire company goes up in flames. _

“Alright. First thing tomorrow morning.”

Magnus leans in, his forehead pressing against Alec’s, eyes flutter shut.

Alec’s breath shakes.

“Thank you,” Magnus says, so faint it’s almost a whisper.

“You’re welcome,” Alec responses, voice low and husky. Alec captures Magnus’ lips between his, sighing contentedly when the man didn’t push him away. Unable to contain himself, Magnus cards his fingers through Alec’s soft hair, pulling him into a fiery and passionate kiss. His hands work their way around Alec’s body, feeling each crevasse, each line along his perfect physique. Alec’s hands venture over Magnus’ body, exploring. Their eyes flutter open, pupils blown wide, erections pressed against thighs as they stare at each other. No words spoken but they both know what the other wants. Alec leans back in, teeth grazing alongside Magnus’s neck then works his way back towards Magnus’ soft lips. As they kiss, Alec rolls on top of Magnus, parting his fiancé’s legs with his own. Magnus gasped as he feels Alec’s thick erection pressed against his, his ankles crossed at Alec’s lower back, fingers rushing through his hair as Alec’s grinds down.

Before Magnus can even comprehend what is happening, he finds them both naked as their skin move together slowly like the finest silk. Tongues entwined in a deep, searing kiss then Alec’s inside him as Magnus’ body stretches to accommodate Alec’s girth. Magnus’ breath stutters with every thrust. Suddenly, Alec stops thrusting as he presses kisses behind Magnus’ ear, his neck, lips, wherever he can reach. Hazel eyes locked onto Magnus’ face, gauging his every expression as Magnus writhes underneath the younger man with stamina that could kill.

“You look beautiful like this.”

A moan escapes Magnus’ lips, unable to articulate a response. Alec hoists Magnus’ leg until it rests on his shoulder, he presses deeper, harder. Magnus’ fingernails dig into Alec’s back, a loud scream yanked from his throat, as his thrusts quickens, plunging deeper, not stopping until he’s flooded Magnus’ channel with his seed.

Minutes later, as their breathing returned to normal, Alec checks Magnus thoroughly despite the older man insisting that he feels fine before pulling the man into his arms as sleep tugs at him.

“Goodnight, Magnus.”

“Goodnight, Alexander.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Stop fidgeting, would you?” Magnus scolded as Alec tugged at his tie for the third time in the five minutes since they’d been sat in the lobby as they waited to visit Ragnor. The nurses had explained that Ragnor had been grumpier than usual for reasons unknown to them.

Magnus assured them that they shouldn’t worry too much, that Ragnor was grumpy by nature and was probably just tired of his environment and not being able to do much for himself since he took ill. Brenda, Ragnor’s personal nurse looked a bit relieved to hear that she hadn’t done anything to anger the older man but immediately felt horrible for his predicament. 

“Easy for you to say. You actually know the guy,” Alec grumbled, his lips formed a rigid grimace. With his arms folded tightly across his broad chest, he tapped his foot furiously and stared straight ahead. 

Magnus frowned.

If he didn’t know any better he would believe that Alec Lightwood was nervous. 

“Magnus, Mr. Lightwood,” Brenda appeared at the door, a polite smile on her lips.

“You’re welcome to visit now. Please follow me.”

Alec appeared frozen in spot, eyes slightly wider. It would have been comical had Alec not be genuinely nervous of meeting the man who practically raised Magnus Bane, his fiancé _ ,  _ the man he was meant to marry.

_ Get it together, Lightwood. Robert Lightwood was your father. It can’t get any worse than that. _

Alec straightened his tie then nodded.

He raised to his feet, offered his hand to Magnus before putting him close, holding onto his waist possessively.

_ Public affection and all… _

“Thank you, Brenda. I remember the way,” Magnus explains dismissively but not unkindly; his tone warm and gentle.

Brenda flashes him a warm smile then nods before turning on her heels and disappearing into an unknown room.

Ragnor’s room was sky blue with beautiful murals on the wall, hand painted by someone who obviously knew what they were doing. The colours are vibrant, strong. 

In the corner sat in a rather expensive looking leather chair sat the man of the hour: Ragnor Fell. Wizened face regarded Alec, whose arm hadn’t left Magnus’ waist. His expression was one of frustration and fatigue.

“Hey Ragnor, how are you feeling today?” Magnus asked, walking over to sit in front the older man and yet he remained silent, listless eyes just watching. Alec shifted, uncomfortable with the intense stare of the older man. Magnus’ hand covered his, squeezing gently.

“I’m here, Ragnor.” 

Finally Ragnor’s eyes shifted to Magnus’ wide, worried ones. He shifted forward in attempt to hug the boy he had raised but winced at the strain. The man had long forgotten how it felt to have joints that moved freely without pain. His aches were constant reminders, not friends yet they were always with him.

Magnus wrapped his arms around the man gently as to not squeeze him too much. 

“I’ve been alright, my boy. You worry so much.”

Thick british accent scolded playfully as he patted Magnus’ neck before withdrawing. He sighed happily, comfortable once more.

“Why’s the rich kid here?”

Alec fought the urge to roll his eyes. Everyone seemed inclined to address him as everything except his actual name.

“Ragnor.”

“Alright, alright.”

Magnus waved Alec over, shifting aside as he made space for Alec to sit besides him, facing Ragnor.

“Pleased to finally meet you. I’m Alec Lightwood.”

An amused smile flitted across Ragnor’s face.

“I know who you are, boy. Question is what do you want with my son?”

Alec’s heart hammers inside his chest but he keeps his gait casual with no hint of hesitation.

“I would love to marry him with your blessing, of course, build a life with him and love him for as long as he lets me.”

Something flashed beneath the surface of Ragnor’s hardened expression; a glint Alec could not identify before shifting back to absolute disdain. In the few minutes Alec had been in the presence of the older man Ragnor Fell had proven to be an entirely difficult man.

Magnus had always hoped that someone would speak those words to Ragnor on his behalf, hoped that someone would love him as much as Alec pretended to in that very moment but instead he was given a sham. They were meant to be married by the weekend; three days time. He had decided against a huge wedding. It just would not have felt right. Alec seemed more than okay with the idea of a little ceremony consisting of just Magnus’ close friends and Alec’s immediate family. His brothers Jace and Max where expected to arrive the following morning with their mother, Maryse along with Clary and Simon. In three days, ink would be dried on a certificate binding Alec and Magnus as partners  _ until death do they part _ .

Brows corrugated with wrinkles raised, Ragnor studied the two men suspiciously through a pair of thick lenses. His mouth hard and curved downwards in a tight expression. Magnus swallowed nervously as he fought to keep his eyes on the older man, avoiding his gaze would only confirm Ragnor’s suspicions.

After an uncomfortable amount of time had passed, Ragnor nodded, his eyes never leaving Alec.

“Alright.”

A relieved sigh escaped Alec’s lips as he glanced over at Magnus, whose eyes were stuck to Ragnor’s, a deep frowned etched onto his face.

“Better take care of my boy, Lightwood.”

Their conversation trailed onto something lighter. Ragnor even went as far as to tell Alec about Magnus’ childhood; his hardships and how disastrous his relationships ended. Alec caught on quickly to what the older man’s motives were. He wanted Alec to know how awful Magnus’ life was, he wanted to guilt Alec into ensuring that he was honest with his feelings for Magnus and not just using him for his own selfish reasons.

_ You don’t even know the half of it, Fell. _

Alec and Magnus both said their goodbyes after promising that they would see him at their wedding to which Ragnor agreed to and even sent them off with a smile of his own.

  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus won't suffer forever...

 

#  _ After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, “Maybe life isn't for everyone.” _

 

**_―_ ** **_Larry Brown_ **

 

**WARNING:** **This chapter contains graphic details of a panic attack and mentions of self harm.**

 

“Don’t fall in love with me. I won't be able to return your feelings.”

_ I won’t be able to return your feelings _

Magnus blinked rapidly, the warm ball of sunlight filtered through his eyelids.

He was sat at the edge of the bed, silently watching the man he was expected to marry in just two days, getting ready for work, heading into the walk-in closet more times than Magnus could count. He frowned, wondering why Alec’s suddenly so obsessed with his appearance. He always wore his Armani suits to work and nothing more or less. Even his hair seemed a bit more…  _ tamed. _

He banishes the thought before it can even manifest properly. Alec is no cheater.

He may be alot of things but unfaithfulness isn’t his forte, though they aren’t really together and not yet married, he knows Alec respects him enough to not seek an outside relationship. Their sex life is ridiculously amazing, they have pleasant conversations nowadays and Alec seems  _ better _ around him so there’s no reason.

There’s nothing wrong. He’s overreacting again but then Alec’s words just before he left their bedroom again rang loud in his ears.

_ Don’t fall in love with me _

It is barely half past six but the sun streams in like a flamboyant guest, not waiting for an invitation.

Magnus’ insides quivered.

_ You’re too much, Magnus; clingy. It isn’t an attractive trait. _

Words Magnus has tried so hard to push down flooded back with vengeance. 

Memories of being chastised by his stepfather for not displaying the  _ correct _ emotions rushed through him. He felt suffocated.

Alec’s words were a blur of jumbled sounds.

He couldn’t breathe.

His fingers twisted into the bed covers; an anchor to ground him, anything to keep his feet on the ground.

It’s been awhile since he’s had a panic attack.

Not since  _ her _ .

He’s been  _ fine _ .

He  _ is _ fine.

Angry, hurtful thoughts are accelerating inside of his head. He silently begs them to stop, just enough for him to catch his breath but like everything he pleads for in his dreadful life, his plea goes ignored.

His breath comes faster now; in pants.

He feels lightheaded as if he had not already been sitting he would have surely hit the floor. His heart hammers in his chest.

_ You don’t deserve love, Magnus. Who would ever want to be loved by you? Sounds dreadfu _ l.

The room spins.

He wants to call on Alec for help but his voice gets stuck in his throat.

_ Breathe. Just like mama taught you _

Magnus sucked in a gulp of air greedily.

Alec’s back is to him, fiddling with his tie, he seems completely unaware of what’s happening behind him.

He’s far too gone. He feels sick; nauseous, his stomach a ball of knots.

All he sees is darkness. 

Suddenly, he’s on the floor, hands flinging around helplessly.

_ I can’t breathe _ .

He hears a voice, sees a blurred figure rushing towards him, yelling his name and holding him tight, begging.. No pleading with him to just breathe.

_ Alexander _

His mouth parts, Alec’s name at his lips but then…

He’s gone.

**_Darkness._ **

 

** 

 

Magnus wakes to a frantic looking Isabelle fussing over him, her brown eyes widened and an obvious glow of relief floated through her features as Magnus looks up at her questionably.

His lips part but Isabelle sticks her hand up.

“No talking! Alec’s taking to the doctor. He’ll be right back.”

_ Doctors? What the hell? _

Now that Isabelle's mentioned it, it was quite easy to see that he was indeed in a hospital though it looked nothing like the hospitals Magnus would go to the rare times he had gotten ill. The atmosphere was completely different; lighter.

The air had a sort of perfume scent, the nurses outside his room moved unhurried with serene purposeness. The bed he lay on wasn’t your usual single bed you’d find at your local hospital. This bed was King-sized, a water dispenser tucked away in the corner, an array of books displayed on a floor-length bookshelf. There were flowers in beautiful vases and countless pictures frames of those Magnus could only assume to be past patients. 

“What happened?”

His voice didn’t even sound like his. It sounded scratchy and it hurt a bit to talk.

Isabelle sighed. “I told you not to speak.”

As much as Magnus appreciated the very clean hospital room, he was already over just laying in bed, mute as he waited for Alec to return. His lips parted to explain to her that he demanded to know what happened to him before Alec rushed in, looking disheveled yet so damn beautiful. 

“You’re awake. Good. Are you okay ?”

Magnus nods, his mouth too dry. Isabelle scowled at him before pouring him some water from the jug at his bedside table.

“Easy,” Alec muttered as Magnus tried to ease himself into a sitting position.

Alec dragged the straw towards Magnus’ lips, who looked unimpressed at being fed his water but he complied as he really was thirsty.

“Thank you.”

An attractive man with a crown of salt and pepper hair appeared at the door. The doctor, he supposed.

With a gentle, friendly smile, he strided over to Magnus’ bed.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Bane?”

Magnus shrugged. “I’m fine. When can I leave?”

The older man chuckled, his brown eyes gleaming happily.

“I’m Doctor Roberts and to answer your question: you can leave right now. Just try not to exert yourself, rest properly and in no time at all you’ll be just fine.”

Magnus breaths a breath of relief, glad that he wasn’t expected to stay another second in the hospital. As nice and clean as it was he just wanted to go  _ home  _ with and Alec and Isabelle.

_ Home _

It felt odd to say; a pleasant kind. He had never expected to share a home with anyone who wasn't Ragnor, as sad as that sounded. Alec may not have been his but he was entirely grateful for the opportunity. It brought him a better Alec than he ever knew was buried under all of his nastiness and Ragnor had a real shot at survival now. Regardless of how farcical they had come to be, Magnus was grateful for Alec. Without him, he’d still be scrounging around for spare dollars and Ragnor might have been… well he didn’t want to say it, didn’t even want to think it because Ragnor is fine. He’s getting the best treatment known to man and he’s comfortable.

“You suffered a pretty intense panic attack. Any idea what brought that on?”

_ Don't fall in love with me _

Now that Magnus thought about it, it sounded like a pretty pathetic reason to freak out like that. It was obvious that him and Alec would be business partners and just that. There was absolutely no reason to lose his head after hearing Alec saying those words to him.  He sighed and silently scolded himself. This private, fancy hospital must have cost a fortune. 

He looked up, only to find three pairs of eyes looking at him expectantly. Magnus felt so small, pressured. 

“I-I can't remember.”

Doctor Roberts sighed but nodded. 

“That's normal, don't worry. Just try to take it easy. Mr. Lightwood,” Dr. Roberts nodded towards the door. Alec spared one more look at Magnus before joining the doctor outside. 

 

“He's lying, isn't he?” Alec asked the second they were out of his sister and fiancé's earshot. 

“Let's not call it that. It may be too traumatic for him to say aloud. Saying he doesn't remember seems to be a better, safer option for him.”

Alec sighed; a little annoyed and frustrated that he didn't know what suddenly triggered Magnus. They've shared the same space for almost a month and he hadn't noticed anything amidst with his fiancé. He's noticed quite a few scars on his back, his arms and chest, in between his thighs whenever they would have sex but he couldn't bring himself to ask what that was about. 

“I've got to ask Mr. Lightwood,” Dr. Roberts seemed hesitant; his fingers rubbing together in what Alec could only identify as a nervous tick.

Alec almost scoffed. 

_ Ridiculous _

“I don't mean to offend, Mr—”

“With all due respect, Doctor, I take complete offense. Are you insinuating that I  _ abuse _ my fiancé?”

The doctor looked nervous, brown eyes darting around the hallway, smiling assuredly at the nurses sending him odd looks. 

“Forgive me. It's probable that I ask especially since Magnus is littered with scars. You've seen them obviously.”

Doctor Roberts opens the chart Alec didn't even notice he had been carrying and flipped through it. “According to some documents pulled from Magnus’ childhood, his mother suffered from a mental illness widely known as  _ schizophrenia _ . There's a small chance that he might have also inherited this sickness.”

Alec blanched. He had known some of Magnus’ Childhood but he didn't expect this— any of it. 

“Most of his scars appear to be self inflicted. Studies have shown that Schizophrenic patients often cause harm to themselves and to others. Magnus seems pretty harmless to others but himself? Not so much. I don't want to jump to conclusions but you must understand why I brought this up. The scars are rather old, yes but you shouldn't dismiss it as relapses are very possible, especially if the patient isn't in a comfortable situation.”

_ What dumb luck _

_ How much has Magnus suffered in his life? How much more can he take? _

_ He's not well.  _

“Doctor, we need to get out of here as quietly as possible,” Alec explained in a hushed tone. 

Journalists would have a field day with this piece of information. He couldn't let Magnus’  _ situation  _ out to the world. He would no longer have to only provide a husband but he'd also be expected to provide a healthy,  _ stable _ husband to the board before the company could be passed down to him.

It could take months before Magnus was proven stable to the rest of the world.

Hazel eyes flashed angrily. 

_ What a gigantic mess _

“Of course, Sir.”

The doctor waved over a man dressed smartly in a black suit with a simple red tie. He offered his hand to Alec, who shook it readily. The doctor explained that Alec Lightwood and his family needed to be escorted out of the compound quietly. The guy, whose name Alec learned was Michael nodded, determination flashed across his brown eyes. 

 

When Alec joined Magnus and Isabelle back in the room, Magnus was laughing uncontrollably at something Izzy had said. 

Alec felt a weight lifting off his shoulders.

Magnus was fine. It would all be fine. Magnus is healthy enough. Alec made it his mission to assure Magnus never relapsed.

He would do his best to keep Magnus comfortable and happy. 

His company was on the line, his legacy.

He had grown rather accustomed to the older man's company and maybe would even consider him to be a friend in the near future. 

“You guys ready to go?”

Magnus paused, brown eyes finding Alec's hazel before a smile stretched across his lips. 

“Thank fuck. I was dying of boredom. No offense, Isabelle.”

Alec joined Magnus on his bed, laying besides him and pulling the older man into his arms. 

“You okay, baby?”

Isabelle smiled at the easy display of affection. It made her happy to see her brother giving his heart so freely and having someone love him in return. 

If Magnus was shocked by Alec's easy endearment, he wouldn't show it.

They had to appear in love.

They had company after all. Magnus brushed Alec's hair from his eyes as hazel eyes peered up at him. His lips ghosted against Alec's, once, twice before claiming his lips in a deeper, longer kiss. 

“I am now.”

In the distance, Isabelle's groan of disgust could be heard but Magnus was already far too gone. Alec's eyes were easily one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen, boring into his.

“You guys are disgusting,” Isabelle groaned but with no real heat behind her words. She was just happy that her older brother was happy and had someone to take care of him after he has been taking care of everyone else for so long. 

_ It was coming. _

Magnus could feel it buzzing beneath his flesh; brewing rapidly. If he wasn't careful he would fall in love and that would be chaotica disaster because there was no way Alec would actually want to be with him that way. He refused to embarrass himself by throwing himself at Alec's feet, begging for him to give them an actual shot at a relationship.

Sure, they had plenty of sex and kissed behind closed doors but Alec was used to different partners. He was used to people spreading themselves open for him, he was used to people crying out his name every single night so Magnus did his best to please. It was a compromise after all. They both had something the other wanted so they met half way and that's what made them Magnus and Alec. 

“We need to be quick and quiet. I'd rather our little visit to the ER not be spread to every single news outlets.”

Magnus nodded, feeling exhausted suddenly. He stifled a yawn, however, it didn't go unnoticed by Alec, who pulled him into his chest. 

Michael led them out to the parking lot, disguises intact. Alec wore a Sandy Blonde wig Michael had provided from God knows where, Magnus just wore a cap since Alec hasn't exposed him to the public just yet and Isabelle wore a platinum wig and her signature bright, red lipstick. 

The ride home was rather short, Magnus was pressed into Alec's side and Isabelle was busily taping away on her phone, informing Maryse and Simon about Magnus’ condition, reassuring them that he was alright and the wedding was still on.

Maryse had been surprisingly supportive of Alec’s sudden decision to marry.

Alec had expected a bit more frustration from his mother, knowing the type of woman she was but he was oddly surprised when all Maryse did was ask him if he was certain and if he truly loved, to which he had answered positively. Maryse had smiled, said she was happy for him and would be there at the wedding and that was the end of their conversation.

He had that his past relationship had something to do with why his mother was so warm and supportive.

He hated it, hated what Jamie did to him, his family. It’s like no one wanted to even yell at him for fear that he might go off the rails.

He was twenty-five years old, no longer a child that needed shielding. He didn’t need his mommy stepping on eggshells around him, nor his sister, as much as he loved her, keeping such a close eye on him.

 

* * *

 

_ ‘Playboy Business Tycoon at it again’ _

_ ‘Playboy Lightwood seen rushing unconscious man to Xavier Private Hospital (XPH)’ _

_ ‘Boyfriend or plaything?’ _

“I’m surprised it’s taken so long for the public to find out about Magnus,” Michael said, glass of Whiskey in hand, a bored expression etched onto his face.

“They’re getting sloppy.”

Alec's fist clenched tightly, manicured fingernails digging into the flesh of his palm. 

“This is a disaster! Couldn't this have happened at literally any other time? My business—”

Michael sighed, weary of his godson's constant complaints. 

“Settle down, brat. This is just the publicly you both need.”

Alec frowned. 

“Magnus isn't well though. There's no way—”

Michael sighed noisily, his fingers massaging his temple, in an attempt to soothe the headache he already felt coming on.

Magnus was resting in their bedroom and Isabelle was off somewhere facetiming with Simon. Alec had called Michael over the second he had convinced Magnus to rest for a bit. The older man hurried over with his briefcase in tow. He listened to Alec’s whining until he no longer could.

“You want your father’s company, don’t you?”

“Yes, but—”

“But nothing ! This is the publicly you need. Now you’re both going to head out later, perhaps shopping or just a casual stroll in the park. We need yours and Magnus’ face plastered on every single newspaper and website.”

Alec nodded.

This was the only way. He just hoped Magnus was well enough. The sooner they got this over with the better.

Isabelle returned to the living, bid Michael goodbye before she retired to her room, mentioning something about heading out because she needed dresses for the wedding.

Alec smiled gratefully. 

Isabelle wanted to give him and Magnus some time alone. Her sisterly instinct really were a thing. He did need alone time with Magnus but not for reasons she thought.

Alec said his goodbyes to his Godfather, grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen and went to join Magnus in their bedroom. As expected, Magnus was sat on the bed, laptop opened in front of him as he tried to convince a worried Catarina that he was alright.

Alec stayed behind.

He hadn’t met Catarina yet and he really didn’t want to.

Ragnor had been enough of Magnus’ family.

He preferred not to meet anyone else before the wedding unless it was proven absolutely necessary.

Magnus glanced back, offering him a small smile when he noticed him standing at the door, hands dug into his pockets.

He quickly finished his conversation with Cat and waved Alec over. Alec raised a brow at the older man he had advised to rest a bit.

He stood stubbornly, rooted in place. 

Magnus frowned. He fiddled with the covers, just for something to do. Alec was obviously angry about something. He probably wasn’t pleased that he’d had to pay some a large sum of money on Magnus because he simply faintly or had to cancel whatever meeting he was expected at.

Magnus winced as he remembered seeing the bill Alec had tucked away like it was nothing.

$6959 for a panic attack

_ It was outrageous! _

As Magnus scolded himself for being so careless, Alec had walked over and sat at the edge of the bed; observing the man.

Alec held out his hand, offering the bottled water to Magnus, who accepted it with shaky hands.

“You okay?” 

Magnus nodded.

“Just tired.”

Alec frowned, the conversation he’d had with Dr. Roberts playing around on a loop in his head. He tried not to think of how much Magnus had suffered; so much that he resorted to hurting himself. It made Alec sick and reminded him of his darker days; days he’d do well to forget.

“Alright,” Alec glanced at his watch, his frown deepening. Magnus tried not to let it bother him.

Alec was not  _ his _ .

He knew Alec would never disrespect him that way but his insecurities ate away at him.

“Gotta go. Try to rest and I’ll check on you when I come back.”

 

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t call this number anymore,” Alec snapped to whomever was at the other side of his phone.

The day has barely begun and Alec’s world was already turned upside down. He didn’t have the time to deal with that, he  _ couldn’t _ . He was getting married in  _ two _ days. His family were coming. Magnus appeared a little more comfortable around him. Everything was finally falling into place; his family, his company. He couldn’t risk it,  _ wouldn’t _ risk it for something  he had buried in his past a long time ago. 

Alec punched the end button a little harder than was necessary but he was just so angry. It wasn’t odd that your ex appeared out of nowhere but it was odd that after all this time he had chosen to appear days before Alec would be betrothed to another man.

He was giving another man his name, his body, his wealth. 

He had already humored the guy by agreeing to reach him for lunch. It was stupid, foolish but after all this time he needed to know what suddenly switched in Jamie. Had he always been after Alec’s money?

Had he ever loved the younger man?

The words flown so easily from his lips.

_ I love you, Alec _

_ You’re my entire world _

_ You mean everything to me, baby _

_ We’ll adopt a house full of babies _

_ This is forever _

That couldn't have been a lie?

_ Every last word? _

Alec had wanted to believe that once upon a time, Jamie had truly loved him like he said he had. He wanted to believe that Jamie just didn't decide one day to give up on them.

“What the fuck?!” Alec slammed his open palm against the headboard, startling Magnus from the ruse. The older man jumped so high, brown eyes widened as he looked around panicky before his eyes settled Alec; hazel eyes blown wide but not from arousal.

This was anger and something else entirely.

Magnus threaded carefully especially after what happened yesterday. Him and Alec were still practically strangers, sharing nothing except their bodies whenever the need got too strong to ignore. He debated wrapping his arms around Alec’s back but quickly decided against it. Alec was angry and he wasn’t trying to add fuel to that fire so instead he sat besides Alec, not too close to touch him physically but to let him know that he was there if he never needed to talk. They were about to be married. They had to learn sooner rather than later that just having sex wouldn’t settle their issues. While the sex was amazing and left Magnus pleasantly sore in all the right places, it wasn’t a solution.

It was a  _ distraction _ , one that they needed to fix. 

“Business.” Alec explained after awhile of just sitting there listening to Magnus’ slow breathing.

Magnus nodded, knowing better than to push Alec. He’d explain in his own time, at his own pace. They might not have spoken much but Magnus has always prided himself on being an excellent judge of character.

He noticed all of Alec’s little whims.

“Just a transaction gone wrong. Nothing to worry about.” Alec sighed, rushing his fingers through his hair tiredly.

Even a blind man could tell that Alec’s excuse for his sudden outburst was absolute bullshit. Magnus had a feeling it was something bigger than that; bigger than both of them.

“I’m sorry,” he said instead. Alec would share with him whatever he thought was necessary, nothing more.

“How are you feeling?” Alec asked, his eyes scanning Magnus’ body as though he could see what was making Magnus ill with his naked eyes.

Magnus shrugged. He was better but his mind couldn’t help but supply him with ugly thoughts. Alec had taken the time to actually dress nicely, even combed his hair before Magnus’ little incident put a massive dent in his plans only to have him rush out hours later then return home in the wee hours of the morning.

“Everyone’s coming in today. Are you ready to meet my family?”

_ Our family _

Magnus bristled. He had heard stories of Maryse Lightwood. She was an incredibly respected woman, influential in ways Magnus could not have even begun to fathom.

Magnus’ throat worked nervously.

Magnus Bane was nothing compared to Maryse Lightwood. She probably wouldn’t even hire him as her cleaner much less accept someone like Magnus as her son-in-law. 

“I’m a little nervous,” Magnus answered truthfully.

Alec chuckled. “If you’re worried about Maryse, don’t. She’ll happy that her eldest is finally settling down. She won’t care about whatever is running around in that head of yours as long as she believes that you love me genuinely and that you aren’t just with me to benefit you in anyway. No pressure or anything.”

Except that was exactly what was happening. They’re both using the other; benefiting them both in completely different ways.

Magnus nodded. He didn’t trust his voice to speak. He just wanted this all to be over before he got himself so hurt he would not be able to come back.

He couldn’t hand his heart over to Alec Lightwood.

Alec would hand it back to him in pieces.

“Okay. Okay, I’m ready to meet Maryse Lightwood hopefully she doesn’t shoot me on sight.”

Alec rolled his hazel darts with something akin to a smile on his lips. 

“You're so dramatic, Bane.”

Magnus shrugged. It was weird talking to Alec like this; the man he thought hated his very existence, as though he were a friend or  _ more. _

“I have to leave for a bit, Magnus. Rest and I'll see you later.”

Magnus made no attempt to stop him, he just watched in puzzlement as his fiancé stopped in their en suite. Five minutes later, he returned with his hair brushed back. He spared Magnus one more glance before he walked through the door, leaving Magnus alone and feeling a bit jealous by reasons he couldn't explain. 

_ I trust my fiancé.  _

_ He wouldn't do that. _

 

* * *

 

It was nearing midnight when Alec finally returned home, staggering through the door, a ridiculous grin stretched his lips. 

“Honey, I'm home,” he greeted gleefully. His shirt was wrinkled, buttons undone as if he'd taken his shirt off but didn't bother to put it on back. Magnus scrambled from the bed, clutching Alec by his armpits as he dragged him over to their bed. Alec giggled— _ giggled _ when Magnus took his shoes off before moving to his shirt, dragging his fingers across the scratches he found there. The scratches were from him when he rode Alec the night before but he couldn't help the hot jealousy that rushed through him as he thought of Alec was doing—what he had done before he returned home to him. 

“Magnus Bane, ho—wait, are you naked?”

Magnus nodded. 

“Yes, we always sleep naked in case we need to…”

Magnus trailed off but Alec's eyes gleamed mischievously, the corner of his lips kicked as he tried, and failed, to pull Magnus into his lap.

“Open up for me. I want to be inside.”

Usually, Magnus would have been right on board but Alexander was stupidly drunk and he didn’t want him to involve into extracurricular activities when Alec wouldn’t even remember it the next day.

“You're drunk, Alexander.”

Alec pouted. His pink lips stretched out sadly, as though he were a child denied cookies. Hazel eyes glazed over and for a second Magnus was sure Alec would start throwing a serious tantrum if he wasn’t satisfied the way he wanted to be.

“I want sex. I didn't get enough today.”

Magnus stiffened. 

“W-What do you mean?”

They hadn't slept together for the entire day, which was unusual for them since they both were quite insatiable but between Magnus being hospitalized and Alec having to rush out, they hadn't any time so to hear Alec say he didn't get enough  _ today. _

Maybe it was just Alec's drunken state causing him to say things that didn't really happen but Magnus’ insecurities ate away at him; attacking him when he was already done for. He didn’t need this right now. 

_ Alec wouldn't! _

Lost in his own self depreciation, Magnus hadn't noticed that Alec wrapped his fingers around his own length, tugging at the angry, red cock between his fist. 

His groans tore Magnus from his constant inner battle with himself.

“Ride me,” Alec demanded; hazel eyes glossed over with arousal and something Magnus wasn't able to identify.

“We have enough lube for one more round. I’ll get more tomorrow.” 

_ Not true _ . They had quite alot of lube since Alec had gone a bit overboard and bought several unnecessarily large bottles.

“Not like this. You're drunk, Alec.”

“ _ Magnus _ .” 

His breathing was harsh, porcelain skin flushed, his hand worked feverishly as he brought himself to completion. Not even a full minute had passed since Alec spilled his seed and he was already snoring; full on snoring— mouth slack, drool slipping from his lips. 

Magnus sighed, wiped his release from Alec’s stomach with a cloth he had retrieved from their bathroom, peeled the shirt from his toned chest, chucked off his pants and tucked him under the covers. He took this quiet moment to admire the younger man; the way his eyelashes.fluttered against his cheekbones, the flush of his skin from both the alcohol he had consumed and his arousal. Magnus dragged his knuckles against Alec's face, his fingers ghosting his fiancé's lips, his neck. 

Alec was so beautiful and Magnus didn't know if the feelings he had brewing for Alec were wise. Alec had explicitly said that there was no way he could ever love Magnus. Magnus understood his dilemma, truly he did. He understood heartbreak; he knew how badly it ruined you especially if the person you loved didn't share the same feeling. He understood betrayal more than anyone even knew. 

_ How did my life spiral out of control like this? _

_ I went from hating my boss to having confusing feelings for him. _

Alec shuffled besides him, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion before a contented sigh escaped his lips. Whatever he was dreaming about must have been quite the tale. 

“I don't understand my feelings for you yet, Alec,” Magnus whispered, pushing Alec's sweaty black hair from his face. 

“You pulled a complete 180 on me. You were such a gigantic asshole at first then suddenly you're this person who cares about my stupid feelings and panic attacks, tries to make me feel comfortable in this weird life I’ve been given overnight. You’re giving Ragnor the best possible care when you didn’t need to do that. I-thank you for everything. I don’t know how I’ll ever pay you back. I hope I’m convincing enough for the board to grant you your father’s company.”

The light of the day has long ebbed and dwindled to nothing, silver moonlight spilling into the room, illuminating Alec’s features.

His features were much softer in his sleep, the lines that usually creased his brows were replaced by the youthful appearance that matched more of his age.

His heart thumped in accordance with slow, shallow breaths, serenity plastered across his face as he slept. 

Wanting nothing more than to curl up into the curve of Alec’s body, instead he just dragged the covers up over Alec’s shoulder, planting a soft kiss at the side of his mouth, his cheek, his forehead.

Alec’s eyes fluttered and Magnus held his breath. How would he explain to Alec why he had been kissing him while he slept. That was such a romantic, couple-y thing to do. They weren’t romantic and they definitely were not a couple. They were just two unfortunate souls, who needed the other to help them both obtain their wishes and desires.

He was expected to meet his mother-in-law, Alec’s brother, Jace, Isabelle’s husband simon and Clary, Jace’s girlfriend. Just thinking about their home so filled with people that may hate him made his skin prinkle but Alec would be there. Alec needed him for his plan to be a successful one therefore Alec would not allow his family to berate him.

Magnus sighed.

His life was such a mess.

For the first time in the month that he’s spent with Alec in his home, he wishes he could just go back to when his boss hated him and he had to scrap money for his bills.

That was easy.

He was used to that but this **_―_ ** this was way more difficult than he had originally anticipated.

His lines were getting blurred.

His feelings for Alec were meshing with his supposed feelings and he didn’t know who to act, didn’t know how to feel. 

_ You know better than this, Bane. _

_ Financial support does not equal love.  _

_ Kindness does not equal love. _

_ A warm body does not equal love. _

_ You can’t give this man your heart. _

_ My God, he’ll ruin me. _

To his left, Alec mumbled something incoherent.

Magnus stiffened.

_ Shit! _

_ Has he been awake this whole time? _

_ Great! _

“Jam…miss..I.”

Magnus frowned.

_ What the hell? _

He reached over to check on his  fiancé and to his relief and amusement, Alec was fast asleep merely just chatting with whomever occupied his dreams.

Magnus chuckled, it echoed throughout the dead of the night. He was just about to turn back to his side of the bed when Alec muttered words that felt as though of bucket of iced cold water was just poured down on him. Magnus flinched back as though he had been slapped, his breathing kicked up on he suddenly.

Magnus shook his head mutely. Magnus could feel his heart beating in his ears, there’s a pressure in his chest; heavy and painful like a knife repeatedly stabbing him in the chest.

“Jamie..miss you.. I..Jamie.”

Jamie.  _ The  _ Jamie.

Alec’s first boyfriend.

The man he came out for.

The man who shattered his heart into pieces.

The man who used him for his money, not the way Magnus was. Atleast Magnus was truthful in his needs, Jamie  _ wasn’t _ . Alec knew from the inception that Magnus needed money from him.

It was just sheer loneliness and desperation on Magnus’ part that turned it into something more.

He had lied to Alec for months, maybe even years, ruined him from finding love in another man ever again yet Alec still missed him Alec still  _ loved _ him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Where there is love, there is vulnerability to pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this????  
> Two chapters in one month??  
> Is this a new record???
> 
>  
> 
> As always, a huge shoutout to my lovely beta,  Starry  for putting up with my constant whining about how horrible my chapters are.
> 
> I dedicate this chapter to my lovely friend,  Yara  as today's her birffday and for some odd reason she likes this fic or whatever...  
> I hope you enjoy this & have a wonderful day!!
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. I wrote a new fic,  LOng Lost  and it would mean alot if you guys checked it out :)))
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways, I've been yapping for far too long!
> 
> P.S.S. Y'all might need tissues.. I'm sorry :(

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTION OF SELF HARM, HOMOPHOBIA, SMUT AND JUST ALL-AROUND TEARS.**

 

_ "There is nothing so mortifying as to fall in love with someone who does not share one's sentiments." _

_ ― Georgette Heyer, Venetia _

  
  


_ He's not yours. _

_ He's allowed to sleep with whomever he pleases, even if that happens to be his ungrateful ex who shattered his heart and his ability to love.  _

Magnus sighed, dragging his fingers across the empty space Alec had previously occupied. It was barely 8am but Alec had been gone for at least two hours.

_ Probably off to meet Jamie again for another round of mind blowing sex so good you talk about it even in your sleep.  _

Alec never mentioned his name or anything even relating to him in his sleep. Magnus would know as sometimes, when sleep was hard, he would just lay awake watching Alec— the way his chest rose and fell; the proof of air flowing through his lungs, his soft snores that Magnus had gotten so used to that he didn't think he would ever be able to sleep without hearing it. 

He didn't even remember when he had decided to move into Alec's room. That first night after they had sex, Magnus just never left. Alec’s room had quickly become  _ theirs.  _

The faint scent of his cologne lingered in the air, taunting Magnus—reminding him of a man that would never  _ ever _ be his in any reality. He could almost hear Catarina's annoyed  _ tsk  _ as he revealed to her the feelings he had been harbouring for the man who, just last month, he hated for making his life a living hell.

_ Why is it always you, Bane? _

_ Why do you hurt the most? _

_ Why are you so weak when it comes to him? _

_ To his every demand? _

Magnus was startled out of his self-pitying by a hand gently caressing his face. He frowned and snapped his eyes open. 

_ When had he closed them? _

Hazel eyes came into view—beautiful as ever—dark hair messy as if he or someone else had been constantly running their fingers through it. His cheeks felt wet and it took him an embarrassingly long amount of time before he realised he was crying. 

Now Alec had seen him crying. Excellent!

Alec pressed a kiss just below Magnus’ ear, his breath warm against his neck. 

“What happened?”

_ You cheated. _

_ It hurts. _

_ You promised. _

_ I'm falling for you. _

“Nothing. I don't know why I'm tearing up.”

Magnus tried to smile but judging by Alec's expression he probably managed a grimace at best. 

“You're a terrible liar, Magnus Bane,” Alec whispered before moving in to suck a bruise onto Magnus’ neck. 

Magnus whimpered, his heartbeat thumped loudly in his ear and his chest ached at how harshly his heart was pounding. 

“Tell me what's wrong.” Alec's teeth scraped across Magnus’ collarbone and he arched beautifully, his hands reaching up to tug at Alec's messy strands. 

“I-I’m just worried about Ragnor.”

It wasn't exactly a lie. He was worried about Ragnor but not for reasons Alec would expect. Ragnor was a smart man, it would only take another visit for him to put two and two together. He would know what Magnus chose to do for his sake and he wouldn't be happy about it. He'd be more upset than anything else and he just couldn't—

Alec stopped his ministrations altogether at that. His hazel eyes grew stormy and heavy with a sadness he was all too familiar with. 

“Did something happen? Is he alright?”

Alec was so close. With every breath he took, Magnus could smell the coffee on his breath; black just the way he liked it. Magnus couldn't resist. He had never claimed to be a strong man. He was weak to Alexander Lightwood. He didn't understand how he had fallen so hard in such a short time. It terrified him but excited him all the same. Alexander Lightwood would break his heart and here he was giving it to him on a gold platter like a fool. Magnus captured Alec's soft pink lips between his teeth and dragged the beautiful man on top of him. He needed to feel Alec pressed against him, inside him. He was thirsty and Alec was the only source of liquid. He would gladly drink him down—gladly dive headfirst into heartbreak if it meant he got to keep Alec like this. 

Alec groaned which granted Magnus easy access to poke around inside his mouth with his tongue. He felt himself straining against his boxers. Alec's equally hardened length pressing into his left thigh and he gasped. Alec trailed soft kisses down his neck, finding his dusty nubs and tugging at them with his teeth. Magnus shuddered because Alec's mouth was deadly. It could easily bring him to his knees— it had. He could feel himself peaking just from the nipple play so he did what any logical person would do. He tugged at Alec's hair in an attempt to get him off his nipple. Instead he gained himself a growl from Alec's throat. Alec sucked harder and rolled the other nipple between his fingers before dragging him fingers lower, grazing against his hard abs. In one swift movement, he chucked Magnus’ pants down, not completely removing but lowering them just enough that his fingers had perfect access to Magnus’ ass. His long fingers danced across Magnus’ rim and he stiffened, clutching the covers beneath him. Alec applied a bit of pressure against Magnus’ rim, rubbing until his fiancé relaxed. With a harder suck on Magnus’ nipple, he pushed his finger into Magnus’ dry, waiting hole. It burned as Magnus wasn't prepared. Alec didn't stop until Magnus took all of him inside and began pumping slowly. 

Magnus’ mouth parted in a silent scream. He shook violently as he tried not to spill from Alec just playing with him.

Alec’s pumps grew faster, harsher, as his finger grazed against his prostate just barely. 

“Come on,” Alec whispered around the nub, the vibrations had Magnus pressing his closed fist against his lips to stave off his moans. He had never cum like this before but he wasn't completely opposed to the idea. He just wanted Alec close. 

“Let me hear you, baby. You always make such pretty noises. Scream for me.” 

And Magnus did. With a scream of Alec's name, he came  _ hard _ . Alec kept pumping his fingers in and out long after Magnus had spilled his seed; pumping until another orgasm was snatched from Magnus. A litany of moans escaped his lips as he clung to Alec tightly. His eyes suddenly fell heavier as he recalled he had barely slept the night before. Alec pulled up his boxers and laid down beside him, not close enough to touch but close enough that Magnus could feel his presence. Before he knew what was happening, he was out, snoring softly. 

He didn't know just how long he had passed out for but when he finally came to, gone were his soiled boxers and replaced with clean red ones. Alec was nowhere to be seen.

_ He was alone.  _

He wondered for a brief moment if he had dreamed the entire thing but his nipples still tingled and throbbed, and his ass burned a bit. Everything felt extremely sensitive to the touch and Magnus could still feel the ghost of Alec's mouth on him, his finger inside him.  

“You're up. I was bit worried there for a second.” Alec exited their en-suite, wet and completely naked. His hair spiked in various directions, his thick cock laid heavy.

“You're staring.”

“I am.”

Magnus was well aware that he was staring but he couldn't seem to help himself this morning. He was acutely aware of everything Alec seemed to be doing. 

Alec just smirked and walked into their closet, retrieved a towel and proceeded to dry himself in ways that weren't necessary at all but the smug bastard knew what he was doing. Magnus tore his eyes away from Alec and forced himself to relax. 

Alec chuckled darkly from somewhere behind him. 

“Why aren't you at work?” Magnus asked, only just realising that Alec had returned home wearing casual clothing instead of an Armani suit. 

_ A beat.  _

“You forgot.”

Magnus frowned, turning back to face Alec. He gave his fiancé a confused look at which Alec rolled his eyes because seriously?  _ How the hell could Magnus forget this? _

“My family are arriving today, in about three hours to be exact. I won't be at work for the week that they're going to be here. I told you this some time back.”

Magnus shrunk back visibly. Alec had mentioned it quite a few times actually. He sighed and offered Alec a sheepish look. 

“Sorry, I forgot.”

Alec frowned and walked over to Magnus in all of his naked glory. Magnus swallowed hard. 

_ For God's sake, put some pants on. _

“Honestly, what's wrong with you today? You're acting strange.”

Alec sat beside Magnus on the bed, his frown still very prominent. 

“Where'd you go last night?” 

Magnus winced. He hadn't meant to sound so  _ accusatory _ but he couldn't take it back now. Alec was already looking at him suspiciously. 

His perfectly arched eyebrows shot up.

“Um, work. Like I said. Where's all this coming from?”

“You came home drunk out of your mind last night and you said some things.”

Alec looked even more confused than he had from the time Magnus asked about his whereabouts.

Alec chuckled. “Alright Magnus, I'll bite. I mean I do remember drinking a bit but what did I say?”

“You mentioned someone.”

Alec waved his hand as if to say  _ get on with it _ . 

“Who did I—”

“—Jamie.”

And just like that, Alec's teasing smile was wiped clean, his eyes hardened and he shot up from the bed so fast Magnus feared he got whiplash. 

“What the fuck, Magnus?”

“I'm sorry, I know you don't like to talk about him but you mentioned him and I—”

“—And you what, Magnus? How the hell do you even know about Jamie? Did he send you to me?”

Magnus panicked. He had never seen such a look in Alec's eyes before. He looked almost murderous.

He was scary and Magnus was terrified.

Magnus crawled to the end of the bed closest to the door, ready to run if need be. 

“Isabelle mentioned him—”

“Fucking fantastic.  _ Isabelle _ just can't keep her fucking nose out of my business for one second.”

Magnus tried to get his words out, tried to explain but Alec just kept interrupting him, accusing him of being in cohorts with Jamie. Alec's words stung and Magnus couldn't stop the tears nor his outburst. 

“You promised that if I agreed to do this with you that you wouldn't fool around with anyone else!’

Alec's ears practically steamed red at this point. He was flushed in the face, his breaths were heavy and his fists were balled up so tightly his fingernails dug into his skin. 

“Magnus, what the fuck are you talking about? I haven't fooled around. I kept my promise.”

“You were with your ex last night and—”

“—and what? That means I slept with him? Jesus, why the hell do I put up with you? If I had paid literally anyone else to do this, they wouldn't be on my ass like this. You're not my boyfriend, Magnus. You're absolutely nothing to me, not yet anyway. I do not answer to you nor anyone else for that matter. If I had wanted another hole for one night what's the big fucking deal!”

_ You're right. I just thought you would've at least respected my terms as I have done yours. _

Magnus’ mouth audibly snapped shut and he stared at Alec with wide eyes. He didn’t know how long they'd spent just staring at each other but Magnus broke first. He walked over to their closet, pulled out a t-shirt and some soft grey sweatpants then walked completely out of the door. Alec watched him leave, still obviously riled up. He huffed as the door shut quietly, leaving him alone with his thoughts. 

Magnus had it all wrong. 

_ Why the hell would I sleep with Jamie? That bastard ruined my life and everything I ever believed in! _

Alec tried to calm his breathing but he was just so damn angry.  _ Why the hell would Magnus care so much about a guy he'd paid to spread his legs? _ Almost as though he were jealous. There was literally no reason to be jealous. They shared no romantic feelings at all. Alec had grown to tolerate the man at best, they had some too good sex and actually spent some time getting to know each other but that was where it ended. He felt nothing at all for Magnus Bane and Magnus was expected to do the same. 

Alec shook his head and dragged on some clothes, not really caring how he looked, he just wanted to get this over with. He hoped that Magnus would pull himself together before his family arrived. He didn't need anyone else on his ass. Magnus was enough.

He removed his bed sheets from the mattress, stuffed them into the washer, grabbed his car keys and headed downstairs to meet his sister who was probably waiting for him. 

Alec met his sister in kitchen. She was wearing a plain white T-shirt and jeans that were  _ purposely _ damaged. Alec shook his head, a fond smile at his lips. He would never understand fashion but at least Izzy did. 

“Ready, Chief?”

Alec just dangled in keys in lieu of responding and Izzy cheered happily. He didn't blame her. She had been away from her husband for far too long and had missed him a whole deal. _Speaking of husband..._

Izzy frowned, craning her head to look behind Alec. 

“Magnus isn't coming?”

Alec swore inwardly. He would've hoped Magnus got over his little tantrum by now but of course, he didn't. The man was a drama queen if nothing else. 

“He's a bit under the weather today,” Alec explained, hoping his sister didn't see right through his bullshit as she usually did. 

Izzy eyed him suspiciously, her brown eyes roamed his figure as though his body language may give him away. Alec appeared stoic as always and eventually she gave up and shrugged. 

“I'd be tired too if my fiancé wore me out.”

Alec smirked. 

_ Well she didn't exactly lie _

“Guilty. Now let's go. You know how pissy mom gets if she has to wait for even a second.”

Isabelle nodded and happily followed her brother out to the car. 

 

* * *

_ You're nothing to me. _

_ You're nothing to me. _

_ You're nothing to me. _

_ You're nothing to me. _

 

Magnus had practically run from Alec's room into the guest room—the room that was meant to be his before he and Alec had gotten closer—and shut himself inside. 

_ You did this to yourself. _

He trembled violently as he heard Alec's car start up before taking off. He had about two hours to cry before he was expected to pretend as though everything was okay, before he was expected to pretend to love Alec Lightwood.

_ Pretend. _

When had he stopped pretending?

When did he start actually feeling things for Alec?

Alec who didn't care about him or his feelings.

Alec who used him for sex.

Alec who would say awful things to him without even batting an eye.

When did he stop pretending?

When did it start?

Was it the time Alec had apologised that first time?

Was it after their first sexual encounter?

Had he  _ always _ loved Alec and masked it as hate?

His entire life was spiralling— he no longer had control of what he was,  _ who _ he was. 

_ You're nothing to me. _

_ I'm nothing. _

Brick by brick, his walls came tumbling down. Though he was alone and there was no one around to witness his breakdown, he ran into the bathroom, shut the door behind him and slid down to the floor. 

His sobs punched through him, ripping into his muscles and bones. The world around him became a blur, devoid of colour melting into grey. 

He couldn't marry Alec. He couldn't give his life over to someone like that— someone who would never care. 

Ugly sobs wracked against his chest, he tugged at his spiked-up mohawk until it gave away and fell sadly against his scalp. He stood up on shaky legs and moved to the sink. With shaky hands, he tried his best to turn on the water tap. He was a mess and he hadn't much time to get himself together. 

A dark chuckle escaped his throat. 

_ God, I'm pathetic.  _

After a few failed attempts, he was able to successfully turn on the tap. He splashed the cold water onto his face, reached over to grab the towel from the rack and accidentally dragged the entire thing down. He cursed loudly, picked it up, roughly dried his face then stared at himself in the cabinet mirror. His eyes were bloodshot, his usually caramel skin looked pale and sickly, lips cracked and numb from constantly biting into them as he tried to muffle his crying. His head throbbed against his skull and he groaned tiredly. Yanking the cabinet door open, he searched around for some sort of pain tablets but instead all he found were some razors and toothpaste. 

Subconsciously, he dragged his fingers across his old scars. His skin tingled as if begging for just a tiny relief. He knew cutting himself didn't solve anything. All the years of therapy and Ragnor’s scolding convinced him of that and yet…

He was hurting. He was hurting from the inside out. He needed it to stop, even if for a second. Before he could talk himself out of it, he grabbed the razor quickly, breaking away the plastic to get to the unused, shiny blade. He squeezed it between his fingers and a drop of blood trickled down his fingers. 

Just a tiny cut.

Somewhere hidden.

_ Pathetic. _

_ Useless. _

_ You should just kill yourself. _

_ Disgusting. _

_ Faggot. _

The voices became louder, screaming in his head. 

_ You deserve this. _

“I deserve this.”

He dragged the blade to his wrist as tears flowed from his eyes. 

_ I'm so sorry. _

_ Do it! _

_ Do it now! _

The blaring of his phone caused the blade to drop from his wrist. Though the blade was sharp, _new_ , it didn't cut into his skin as Magnus thought it would. He blinked and eyed his hand outstretched and folded into his fist. 

The thin, silvery marks covered his arms, though it wasn't very noticeable if you didn't know what you were looking for. 

He shook his head, wiped the tears from his cheeks and threw the broken plastic and blade into the bin where they belonged. 

No matter what he thought about himself, he didn't deserve to die. He was a good man. He tried his hardest and he took care of his family. He deserved to be happy too and he couldn't do that if he was dead. 

His phone started up again and this time he walked over to it. 

_ Catarina. _

He sucked in a deep breath, released it then picked up. 

“Magnus! I'm sorry for interrupting your sexy time with Alec but Raphael found out about your engagement to none other than the Lightwood’s eldest brat and he's out for blood.”

Magnus winced. He knew he'd have to tell Raphael about his involvement with the Lightwoods soon but he was putting it off until after he married Alec for obvious reasons—reasons that didn't seem to matter much right now since he didn't even want to marry Alec anymore. 

“Magnus?”

“Sorry, I was just thinking about all the ways Raphael could kill me.” He tried to joke but the silence on the other end of the line proved he hadn't succeeded. 

Magnus sighed. 

Cat was his best friend. 

“Cat, I-I never learn.”

Catarina sighed. She knew this was coming. She just hadn't thought it would be so soon. 

“He's an asshole, Catarina. He's horrible yet I still— Dammit, Cat, what the hell is wrong with me?”

“Nothing, Magnus. You're just too good for your own good. You give your heart away too quickly. It could be a good thing but other times it's your curse.”

“He met with his ex last night. Cat, I think I'm going to call the wedding off. I just... can't put myself through this kind of pain. This is the worst one yet.”

Catarina understood more than anyone. She knew what it was like to constantly try to water a dead garden. She understood how much it took from you and Magnus had already had too much taken from him. Her friend didn't need to suffer anymore. He didn't deserve it. 

“But Ragnor—”

“—we'll find a way. I'll help you, Magnus. If you really feel like this is the right thing to do then I support you wholeheartedly.”

Magnus sprawled himself across his bed, his eyes fluttered shut as he held his phone to his ears, listening to his friend's soft breathing. 

“Usually you try to drag me out of things like this. You're not dragging me.”

“Because… I don't know, Magnus. You've been better. Dare I say, happier and I know you say this guy's an asshole but from what I hear he's as broken as you are. I would never encourage you to remain in an abusive relationship but tell me this, Magnus...”

Magnus listened intently as his friend explained quite a few things to him. He cried, laughed and sunk but at the end of their conversation, he was more confused than ever. He didn't want to stay in a relationship where his feelings didn't matter but when it was good— God, it was amazing and his feelings for Alec wouldn't just disappear the minute he left. 

They needed to talk  _ properly  _ not just have sex and call it a day because Magnus wasn't sure how much of this he could take. He had to make Alec open up and understand his feelings because if they didn't talk to each other a possible marriage wouldn't work. Magnus would always keep looking behind his back, wondering if Alec were cooped up somewhere with his ex. He needed to be confident in his relationship, in his marriage, in Alec. Alec had seemed annoyed more than anything when Magnus had implied that he'd had sex with the other man. Either he really didn't or he was trying to turn the entire thing on Magnus as he often saw cheaters do. 

Alec had hated his father for his infidelity. He had cherished his mother and kept her close after her heartbreak. Surely he wouldn't do that to another person. Surely, he wouldn't destroy a person's foundation of love simply because his was ruined. Magnus didn't peg him to be a cruel man. He might have been an unsympathetic asshole at times, but a cheater?

Maybe not. 

With new determination, Magnus took a quick shower, headed over to Alec's room to grab something suitable to wear, applied some very natural makeup as he wasn't sure how Maryse Lightwood felt about men wearing makeup, and headed over to the kitchen. He had given Mrs. Gonzalez the day off as he wanted to prepare lunch for his fiancé's family. He smiled for the first time since hanging up with Cat. He enjoyed cooking ever since he was a little boy. He would sit around intrigued as his mother made some of the most delicious Indonesian meals he had ever tasted. His love for cooking expanded as he grew old enough that his mother began teaching him simple recipes and the others were learned by following online recipes. 

Magnus had whipped up some  _ Croquettes, Tortilla Espanola  _ and _ Paella.  _

He just hoped he hadn't messed up some of Maryse Lightwood's favourite dishes. As he added the last set of spices to the  _ Paella,  _ he heard Alec's car park before voices of all octaves rushed out, all chatting happily. Magnus switched off the stove and went to the living room to meet the people that may or may not be his family. Isabelle smiled as she spotted him and pulled him into a side hug. 

“Missed you this morning. Alec shouldn't wear you out that much before your wedding.”

Magnus flushed hotly at Isabelle's words which earned him a bright smile from her. 

Jace Herondale, Alec's Godbrother and best friend, was the first to greet Magnus. He seemed a bit loud and way too cocky but other than that he seemed nice enough. Then there was Clary, Jace’s girlfriend, her green eyes widening as she reached Magnus. Her fiery red hair was wrapped up into a messy bun. She wore a casual sweatpants and tank top and hugged Magnus tightly, beaming at him before walking over to join her boyfriend. 

Magnus chuckled softly. 

So far, so good. He hadn't seen Alec or his mother yet which was good. Next up was a rather talkative handsome guy with brown hair and large glasses. Magnus recognised him immediately from the countless pictures Isabelle had shared with him of her hubby. He hugged Magnus and gave him a soft pat on his back. 

“Thanks man.”

Magnus blinked, confused as to why Simon was thanking him. 

“For putting up with Alec. He isn't as grumpy anymore. Honestly, I think he was missing you. He seemed pretty distracted on the ride home. He's usually pretty focused, not that he wasn't focused because, you know, we made it in one piece and all, but he was just less… focused today. Hi, I'm Simon.”

Magnus smiled fondly. He could understand why Isabelle was so smitten with the guy. 

“Is that  _ Paella _ ?”

A smooth voice, much like Isabelle's, asked and Magnus’ heart sped up.

This was ridiculous. It was just Maryse Lightwood. 

No need to completely freak out. 

Alec appeared, practically covered in bags and Magnus made the move to assist him. Alec's eyes were glued to him the entire time he was gathering the bags but he refused to meet the other man's eyes. When the bags were all packed away, Maryse Lightwood appeared next. She was stunning— an older, more mature version of Isabelle appearing at the doorway, her black hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, her blouse flowing gently over her soft skirt, lips a subtle pink as she glanced round the room. Brown eyes finding yellow-green.

“Magnus Bane,” she greeted loudly. Her heels grazed across the floor as she made her way over to him. Magnus bristled. 

The room had suddenly gone completely quiet and all that could be heard was the sound of Magnus’ nervous breathing and Maryse's heels. 

“Mrs. Lightwood, nice to finally meet you.”

Maryse regarded him, her eyes trailing along the length of Magnus’ body. Magnus felt uncomfortable under the heavy scrutiny of Maryse. She appeared to have found whatever she was looking for and after a long pause, she smiled brightly at hi m. 

“No need to be so formal, dear. Maryse is fine.”

Magnus nodded, his tongue suddenly heavier in his mouth. Maryse found her way over to the kitchen and everyone else, except Clary and Simon, followed. Magnus released a breath he wasn't aware he was holding and Clary just chuckled beside him. 

“I think she likes you. She gave Simon and me hell the first time we met but she actually insisted you called her  _ Maryse.  _ Simon only started calling her by her first name last night. It had always been Mrs. Lightwood.” 

Magnus nodded, feeling a bit better after hearing that he wasn't the only one made nervous by Maryse Lightwood. 

Magnus, Simon and Clary joined the others in the dining room where everyone was already seated, plates filled. Maryse was devouring a plate of  _ Paella _ and Magnus mentally pat himself on the back that she seemed to have liked it. 

Alec appeared at his side and held his wrist softly. Magnus smiled at the younger man and Alec pulled him closer, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. 

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”

Isabelle groaned. 

“Please don't start.”

Alec smirked, pulling Magnus flush to his chest for a deeper kiss. Magnus tried to kiss Alec back as enthusiastically as the other man, but he couldn't taste Alec's lips and not think about the painful comments he made earlier. Alec seemed to have noticed and pulled away. He led Magnus over to the table, pulled his chair out for him then seated himself next to him. 

The only available seats. 

Magnus kept his head down, stuffing as much food as he could, as gracefully as he could, offering some comments here and there and answering whatever questions Maryse Lightwood had for him which appeared to be quite a lot. After lunch, everyone retired to their respective rooms claiming to be jet lagged and exhausted. Magnus thanked every deity above that he no longer had to pretend to be all over Alec. 

The second the doors shut, Alec pulled Magnus into him, forcing his face up with his finger. “I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier.”

Magnus nodded. “It's fine.”

Alec sighed and turned to change out of his shirt. He was equally exhausted, mentally and physically. He knew Magnus was avoiding him and he did feel a bit bad for lashing out the way he did, but he didn't understand why Magnus would even act that way unless… that was impossible. 

Magnus busied himself with folding up clothes from his side of the closet that were already pressed— anything to avoid having to talk to Alec —but Alec was quickly growing annoyed with Magnus’ behaviour. 

“I didn't sleep with Jamie. We met, I restrained myself from punching him, went to the bar for a few drinks, got incredibly wasted and I came home.”

Alec had never, not once, explained himself to anyone ever, but Magnus was acting like he broke his heart or something and Alec really didn't like to be associated with cheating. Not after what his father did to his mother. 

“Okay.”

Alec swore under his breath. 

“I gave you my word. I didn't go back on it.”

Magnus only nodded, continuing to fold his clothes. He believed that Alec didn't sleep with Jamie, he did, but he just couldn't…

“Why did you even meet with him if he broke your heart as bad as Isabelle says he did?”

Magnus didn’t know what possessed him to ask. It was obvious that Alec didn't like talking about his first love and he half expected Alec to just leave the room but he didn't.

“I was eighteen years old when I first met Jamie. He was gorgeous, funny and showed me that there was so much more to life than hiding away in the closet and letting my parents dictate my life. I fell in love with him. It was quick and messy but it made me feel so free. My father hated the fact that I was the way I was. What he hated even more was the fact that Jamie came from nothing. He was alone, no family, which meant no money. He would've preferred me to date a man with money but I told him to kiss my ass.”

Alec laughed but it sounded broken; hollow, empty. 

“We were together for so long I felt like I was flying—like I had met the man of my dreams. I was so sure I would marry the guy, we'd adopt a bunch of kids and live happily ever after. I was a stupid kid. A stupid,  _ wrong _ kid. It took me some time before I realized Jamie was  _ different _ . The money he now had through me made him greedy, selfish. He wasn't that sweet man I'd met years ago at the market. He was now a money hungry pig but I convinced myself that I loved him enough, that this was just a phase all couples went through. Some bad must come with the good, right?”

Magnus sat rooted to the edge of the bed. He was no longer folding, he was instead staring right at Alec. Those hazel eyes he loved so much were dark and glossy. He had never seen Alec cry, even when his father had died he hadn't shed a single tear. Sure, he had been upset but not that upset. 

“When my father died he just… bolted. It hadn't even been a full day but I'd returned home and found his bags packed at the door. He'd said that he couldn't be with me anymore. He just didn't feel it anymore because he got all he ever wanted from me. On the day that my dad died. Who the fuck does that? I'd gone out the week before and bought him a ring. I was planning to propose to that gold digger and he just—”

Alec sucked in a deep breath and wiped his face roughly with his hand before continuing.

“I needed closure. After all this time I needed to know  _ why,  _ so when he reached out to me wanting to talk I went because I had questions. It was a waste of my damn time though. He had called me there to ask me for another shot. He heard I was getting married and went on about the ring that should've been his. I left a minute after that because I realised I already knew why he left. I had opened a bank account for him and transferred fifty million dollars for him because I  _ loved _ him.  _ Pathetic." _

“Mom loved Robert and he cheated on her like the scum that he was. Love doesn't do anyone any good, Magnus. I wouldn't touch Jamie with a ten foot pole. I didn't go out there and break my promise. I came home to you. I remember trying to have sex with you before but you refused because I was drunk. Now you know, so you can stop thinking about it because I know you are. I didn't touch him.”

“I believe you but I don't think— I mean, I don't know if we should get married.”

_ A beat.  _

Magnus looked up to find Alec's eyes already on him. Alec patted the space next to him and Magnus went over to it. 

“I'm not going to force you but I'd like a good reason, Magnus. I flew my entire family out here and I'll be damned if you just leave.”

“I just can't be someone that doesn't care—”

“—I care about you. If I didn't, you wouldn't be sharing my bed with me every night, we wouldn't be like this,” Alec gestured between them. Magnus sat beside him as he lay on the bed looking up at the older man. 

“I already told you that I can't  _ love _ you but I'm able to give you a friendship. We can be friends and have a good marriage until the company is mine. It doesn't have to be—”

“I don't want a friendship. I mean I do, but I want more than that. I have feelings for—”

“Stop.”

Alec's palms suddenly felt sweaty. He felt as though an invisible force was sat on his chest. He felt heavy and his breath caught in his chest. 

Magnus’ sudden jealousy, his need to constantly be closer to Alec, the softer kisses and the way Magnus would hold Alec inside him long after sex. 

Magnus was falling… for him. It suddenly all made sense. Alec always prided himself on being a smart man but there was no way— he never saw this coming. 

“Magnus, I'm— you deserve better than this— than me. I'm just not capable of that. I'm way too fucked up to love anyone. It isn't you at all. It really is me. You're a great guy and it's nice to pretend with you but I can't—we can't.”

“Then I can't either. I can't do this with you— not when my heart is breaking like this.”

Alec nodded. He didn't want Magnus’ heart. He wouldn't know how to take care of it. He understood Magnus’ need to protect himself. 

“I will help you with your father's company but—”

“I know, Magnus. Thank you for even still wanting to help me. I know it won’t compensate for your feelings, and I'm probably a bigger dick than I already am for even considering it, but I'll double your money. Sixty instead of thirty? And I'll pay for Ragnor's treatment even after the divorce. I just want to do something.”

Alec sounded so helpless that Magnus just couldn't stop himself from crying. Alec held him without hesitation as he cried against his chest. When Magnus’ tears finally stopped, he pushed Alec backwards and climbed on top of him. 

“What are you—”

“Just one more time. I need to feel you inside me.”

Alec tried to push Magnus away as gently as he could, despite the growing in his pants. He didn't want to lead Magnus on any more than he had. 

“We shouldn't—shit!”

Magnus’ hand closed around Alec's thickness and pumped him slowly. 

“Please,” Magnus panted against Alec's lips, kissing him slowly until it grew sloppy. 

Without breaking the kiss, Alec successfully removed his boxers and shifted Magnus so he sat comfortably between his legs.

He trailed kisses down Magnus’ neck as the other man removed his clothes. “Alexander—Ah! Lube.”

Alexander felt around blindly for that familiar bottle, knocking over items in the process until his hand closed around the bottle. 

He squirted a large amount of lube onto his fingers as an impatient Magnus squirmed in his lap. 

Alec smeared some lube against Magnus and gently massaged his rim. Magnus moaned loudly, his fingers digging into Alec's chest. 

“Alexander!”

“I know, baby.”

He'd worry about his endearment afterwards, right now he just wanted the be inside Magnus for one last time. 

He pressed a digit into Magnus before immediately adding another. Magnus screamed, tears falling from his eyes. Whether it was from his broken heart or his fingers, Alec didn't know.

He pumped his fingers slowly, lazy almost as though he was bored.

“I'm ready!”

“Are you sure?” Alec asked, even as he removed his fingers and smeared some lube across his cock.

Magnus held Alec's hard length and began pushing down, crying out loudly as he did. He didn't stop until he had taken all of Alec. Alec flipped them over, hoisting Magnus’ legs over his shoulders and pressed deeper. 

_ Ever the dominant. _

He set a punishing pace as Magnus clawed at his back. 

“Ngh. I love you. Ah, I love you!”

Alec pressed harder, faster until Magnus was shaking in his arms, tears decorating his flushed cheeks. Alec's movements slowed, he dropped Magnus’ legs from his shoulders and pressed closer to the older man, close enough to capture his lips in a slow kiss. Alec's cock pressed against Magnus’ prostate, not moving just  _ there.  _

They could've been kissing for hours, minutes, seconds even, but Magnus didn't know— didn't care. Alec was there with him and they were joined. Magnus pushed against Alec, trying to fuck himself on the cock splitting him open but Alec held him down tightly. He pulled back and waited until Magnus’ eyes slid open before sliding back inside the tight warmth. Magnus’ eyes widened and a scream ripped from his throat. Magnus’ walls fluttered around him.

He was close and Alec was just getting started. 

“Alec, I'm—”

“I know. I know, baby. I know.”

“God. Ah- I love you...”

“I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

  
  


When Alec finally pulled his softened cock from Magnus’ abused hole, the sun had already set. They'd been at it for hours. Magnus had cum leaking from him with every breath he took, his caramel skin was littered with hickeys; between his thighs, his chest, his legs, even his ass had a few. 

Alec returned from the bathroom with a wet cloth he used to clean up their little mess in the best possible way. 

Magnus sighed heavily. He ached all over but that had nothing on the ache in his chest.

He was in love with Alec. 

He told him he loved him several times and every time Alec responded with “I know.”

Not the  _ I love you too, _ Magnus had been desperately hoping for. 

It was pathetic how quickly he fell and it was embarrassing how easily Alec dismissed it, offering to buy his heart but the offer was tempting enough. He needed Ragnor to be taken care of and if his heart was the price he'd gladly pay it. 

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: I've noticed quite a bit of drama when I returned home regarding this fic so I'd love to clear somethings up.  
> First & foremost: MAGNUS & ALEC will switch. Magnus isn't always going to bottom. Alec just isn't there yet where he's comfortable offering that sort of trust to someone. I was just going to keep my pace then eventually just have Alec bottom (Like surprise bitch!)  
> But since people have been quite vocal about it, you can consider that your first spoiler.
> 
> Secondly, my Alec might be an asshole but he's no rapist, not even close. It was never intention to trigger anyone (if I have)  
> I am sorry that that bit of the chapter may have made some people very uncomfortable.  
> I'm so ridiculously proud of this story & hearing people say stuff like that about Alec is a little disheartening & I don't feel that excitement to publish this anymore.  
> I have removed that entire portion of the scene (You know that one) and replaced with what I hope is a little better & consensual.
> 
> Third, Cat & Magnus are friends. They tease, joke and say ridiculous things. I would never belittle Magnus or treat him a certain how because he's Asian that is disgusting. Magnus is easily my favourite character and I love him very much. I wasn't aware that there's an Asian stereotype regarding them being cock sluts.  
> Again, Magnus & Cat tease each other relentlessly. Magnus was not offended by that but I can understand how other people might have taken it to an entirely different length.
> 
> Once again, I sincerely apologize. I know alot of people have been awaiting this update & I just feel like you've been waiting in vain because what you read isn't something you expected.
> 
> As always, a huge thank you to my lovely beta, Starry for putting up with my constant messages complaining about how awful my chapters have turned out. I'd be so lost without you.

“Are you leaving him?”

A simple question. 

The answer itself should have been simple enough, right?

_ Wrong _ . 

Nothing's ever that black and white; that simple. 

Magnus released a shaky sigh; unpainted fingers fumbling with the almost emptied Hennessy bottle he had been nursing for the past thirty minutes. His mind anaesthetised from the copious amount of alcohol he had consumed after waking with dried spunk covering his chest and thighs; body littered with hickeys and bruises from a man that would never love him. 

He had showered, scrubbing harder than necessary until his skin was pink and raw like an opened wound bared for all to see, to poke and prod at. He had refused breakfast that morning, instead he padded over to his fiancé's mini bar which was kept in his room and nicked a sealed bottle of Whiskey. Smiling triumphantly, he peeled away the seal and knocked the bottle back. His face scrunched adorably for dramatics sake since Magnus had long since mastered the art of consuming alcohol to the point where the strong taste and smell didn't bother him. 

Despite his heart bleeding from his chest, Magnus felt great—rested and thoroughly fucked out that he just skipped— _ quite literally _ —to the kitchen finding it bare as the other Lightwoods were probably still sleeping soundly.

Jet lagged and all. 

Sparing a glance at the clock, Magnus noted that it was 6:15am. Grabbing a bag of salted chips, he swiped his car keys from the counter and ran out. 

Magnus appeared to be rather docile as he arrived at Catarina's house despite the empty bottle of Whiskey tucked between the car seats. 

He hummed happily as he tried to extract himself from the vile straps called seatbelts.

_ ‘Whoever invented seatbelts needs their sex privileges revoked,’ _ Magnus thought, laughing aloud to his own joke, startling a young mother who was juggling twin toddlers, wearing matches Elsa dresses, and a crying baby. 

Magnus smiled sheepishly and mumbled an apology before he walked up to Catarina's house. He knocked once, twice and was about to kick the door before a very sleepy, very annoyed Cat yanked the door open forcefully, her lips parted in what Magnus was certain were going to be some very bad words, she paused. 

“Cat. Hello!”

Catarina frowned, eyeing Magnus warily. Upon inspection, she noticed all of the red flags. Unpainted fingernails, heavy kohl lined eyes, so deep and prominent. A plain black tee-shirt which looked awfully like something Alec Lightwood would wear and a leather jacket carelessly tossed over his shoulder. His hair was void of any of the usual products and his smile was stretched so wide, his lips twitched.

The smell of alcohol so pungent Catarina fought the urge to squeeze her nose together to block out that God awful stench that was her best friend. 

A perfect picture of a heartbroken Magnus Bane. 

“Oh Magnus,” Catarina tsked sadly, brown eyes sad. Wordlessly, she widened her door and stepped back, allowing Magnus passage. Magnus marched, silently following Cat to the kitchen, smile still stretched across his face. Humming, he slung his jacket over the back of one of the chairs at the dining table. Cat returned, two cups of steamy hot coffee in hand. She placed them on the table and walked over to where Magnus stood and wrapped him up into a hug. Magnus startled a bit before he returned the hug just as tight.

“Cat—”

“I know, Magnus. I'm so sorry, my friend.”

Catarina held her friend as he cried, carding her fingers through his hair as she massaged his scalp. She led him over to the couch, tea long forgotten. Magnus slid down until his head rested in his friend's lap and just cried. Cat didn't know how long she sat there massaging Magnus’ scalp and listening to his hiccups of regret and anguish before he pushed up from her lap, apologising profusely as he noticed that he'd slobbered all over Cat's lovely floral printed robe. Catarina just waved him off and offered to get them something stronger to drink as their tea had long since gotten cold. 

Three hours later, Magnus was half way through his third bottle of Hennessy when his friend asked the question he had been battling with. 

_ To leave or not to leave.   _

“I should want to leave him, shouldn't I?”

Magnus knew exactly how he sounded; desperate _ , weak _ , everything his stepfather and  _ she  _ accused him of being but he couldn't help it. This was Alec.

The man he had grown to love over the past few weeks. 

He was in love.

He knew he wasn't anyone's first choice but he was hoping that over time Alec would see past whatever it was that he saw outside.

He wanted to be enough. 

He wanted Alec. 

He wanted Alec to want him back or at least try to, as pathetic and sad as it was Magnus wanted something more— something tangible with his fiancé.  

Catarina sighed. Brown eyes a pool of infinite sadness. 

“Magnus,” her lips curved around his name so softly; barely audible. Magnus could feel the tears push against his tear ducts. He scrubbed his face roughly, refusing to allow them a way out. He had cried enough for one day.

“I can only advise you. At the end of the day, the final decision falls on you.”

Magnus hiccupped then wiped his nose on the sleeve of his jacket. He wrinkled his nose in disgust as he realised what he had done but he was just too tired to properly care about the snot covered jacket. 

“Ragnor—”

Catarina's brown darts rolled into her head in utter annoyance. 

“Eventually you're going to have to stop using Ragnor as an excuse. Is it really about Ragnor? Can you look me in the eye and tell me you're staying with Alec Lightwood solely because Ragnor is ill and the rich brat has offered to pay for his medical bills?”

“Of course I am!” Magnus snapped, wobbling to his feet, gathering the empty bottles of alcohol unsuccessfully trying to carry them to the kitchen to properly dispose of them. Eventually he just plopped back down and childishly turned his back to Catarina, huffing and crossing his arms across his chest.

Cat shook her head sadly. Her having not consumed as much alcohol as Magnus had, successfully disposed of the bottles and returned with two unopened bottled waters. 

“Look Magnus, it's alright. It's completely alright to want something for yourself for a change. No one would ever blame you. God knows you deserve it and if you want it with a pretty boy with perfect stamina then by all means but Magnus,” Catarina sighed heavily, tying her robe tightly across her stomach before continuing, “I just wish the person in question at least returned your feelings, wouldn't you agree?”

Magnus turned to face his friend, eyes brimming tears. He nodded and smiled weakly. 

“Thanks Cat,” he whispered, uncapping the bottled water and gulping it down greedily. Catarina smiled knowing that Magnus wasn't just thanking her for the water but for everything else. 

Catarina smirked and Magnus groaned aloud knowing he probably said something ridiculously as he cried on her lap and she was just waiting for the right moment to spring it back on him. 

“So… Alec is a strict top?”

Magnus giggled— _ giggled _ !

He is most definitely blaming the alcohol. 

“I think so? I mean he has always topped and he has never showed me at any time that he wants to bottom.”

“Ever?”

Magnus shook his head. 

“Never.”

Catarina frowned. Thanks to Magnus’ trait of oversharing, she knew her friend to be quite versatile in the bedroom. 

“Is that… okay?”

 

“The man has devil dick. It's amazing and I almost die every time. There's this thing he does that—”

“Jesus, Magnus. I meant: are you alright with that arrangement? Fucking hell, I don't want to know how good he fucks you.”

Magnus burst out laughing, clutching his stomach to steady himself. Cat looked completely unimpressed and tapped her bare feet against the floor as she waited for Magnus to calm the hell down. 

“I-I'm sorry. You should’ve s-seen your face,” Magnus sputtered, flicking the tears from his eyes. 

Magnus sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly, pressing his lips together in a thin line, he nodded. 

“It's okay. I'm not bothered by it but I do wonder sometimes what topping him would be like.”

A smile tugged at Cat's lips and she shook her head fondly, glad that her friend seemed to be in a better mood. 

“Jackass.”

Magnus and Cat found themselves in Catarina's kitchen as they whipped up some food since neither of them had eaten breakfast. Thirty minutes later, they were sat on the couch, feet tucked under themselves watching the premiere of  _ The Bachelorette, _ as they dug into a Spanish Omelette that Magnus had learned from Alec one morning after they decided to switch things up. As much as Alec loved Greek Yogurt Pancakes, there was only so much one man could eat before he wanted something new. 

“Lincoln is such a cutie, isn't he?” Magnus asked, sipping on his tea carefully as to not burn his tongue off.

Catarina nodded her agreement.

“This fake fashionista, Jordan or whatever the hell he calls himself, needs to get bunked immediately. He's literally the Krystal of the men. Becca, you deserve better, queen.”

Magnus chuckled as Cat called out Jordan every time he appeared on screen. 

After the episode ended, they both laid head by head besides each other discussing their favourite bachelors. “That guy with the Harry Potter quote is cute. If I weren't engaged I'd climb him like a tree.”

Cat collapsed into a fit of giggles and Magnus grinned.

_ Engaged? _

_ He was engaged. _

Their short happy hour was interrupted by the blaring of Magnus’ phone. The ringtone he had set for Alec, Paper Love by Allie X, shattered their peaceful bubble and Magnus groaned, feeling around for his phone. When he came in contact with the latest iPhone Alec had just insisted he used, he pulled it out, tapped the answer button and was enveloped in Alec's deep voice. 

_ “Where are you?” _

“Good morning to you too, my love.”

Catarina pretended to gag while Magnus stifled his laugh, folding his lips into his mouth to suppress his laughter. Alec, on the other hand, did not sound pleased at all.

_ “Magnus _ .”

“Hubby?”

Grumbling could be heard from the other end of the line but Magnus couldn't make out what the words were.

_ “Do you need me to pick you up?” _

Alec's voice was lowered; softer, gentler somehow. 

“I drove. I'll be there soon.”

And without waiting for the other man's response, he hung up. 

“I have to go,” Magnus explained, clearing the coffee table of their breakfast ware, carried them over to the dishwasher and returned back to the living room to find Catarina studying him, a frown on her beautiful face. 

Magnus’ expression mirrored her own. 

“You're so gone for this man, Magnus Bane.”

Magnus blushed. 

“I need to meet him sometime.”

Magnus only nodded, gathered his jacket and went over to where Cat was still sat and hugged her tightly. 

“I love you.”

Catarina smiled, brown eyes rapidly filling with tears. She hugged him back and kissed his hair before pulling back. 

“Love you too, you ridiculous cock slut.”

Magnus laughed; open and happy, nodding at her. 

“Only for Alec's cock. Speaking of, he's probably horny as hell. No wonder he's calling me.”

Cat made a disgusted and walked Magnus over to the door, practically shoving him out. 

“Next you're gonna tell me about the noises you make so best you leave now.”

“Alexander, you're so big and thick,” Magnus said in a slightly higher pitched voice, dodging the bedroom slippers Catarina tossed at his head. 

“Get out. Gross.”

Magnus blew his friend a kiss goodbye to which she responded by thrusting her middle finger upwards before slamming her door shut. Magnus chuckled and jogged over to his car. 

He plugged his phone into the car, switched on some Nicki Minaj and jammed all the way home. 

 

†

 

“Would you sit down?” Isabelle groaned, agitated as her brother continuously paced up and down the living room wearing the carpet underneath his feet thin. 

“It's—” she glanced over at the ridiculously ugly grandfather clock Alec had insisted on keeping and groaned even louder, “10am. Where'd you think he went?”

Jace, barely awake, head propped against Clary’s arm, whined at the loss of his bed. 

“Are you that horny that you couldn't wait until he comes back?”

_ If. _

_ If he comes back, _ Alec thought bitterly. Considering the way they had left things the night before, Alec wouldn't have been shocked if Magnus decided he didn't want to put himself through something like this anymore.

“Thank fucking Christ, we're going back to bed now. C'mon babe.” Jace dragged a tired Clary to her feet at the sound of Magnus’ car pulling into the driveway, and shook her slightly until green eyes snapped opened. Isabelle and Simon rushed past them in obvious glee. 

Alec's eyes snapped up to the turning of the doorknob. 

“Get out of here.”

Jace and Clary rushed out, not waiting to be told twice. Magnus brushed past him in an attempt to ignore the younger man completely but Alec grabbed his wrist tightly. 

“Where were you?”

His voice was dangerously low. Magnus flinched back at the sound of it. 

“I was out—”

“Where?”

Magnus yanked his hand from Alec's, massaging his wrist and walked past the younger man, knocking his shoulder against Alec's as he passed. Alec gritted his teeth and followed Magnus into their bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

“Did you need something?” Magnus asked innocently as he removed his jacket. He didn't miss the way Alec's eyes widened then darkened as he noticed that Magnus was wearing his t-shirt.

“You.”

Alec pulled his fiancé flush against him and attacked his lips with his own. He dragged his lips from Magnus’ and trailed them down his neck, biting and sucking hickeys into the man's neck— the very visible parts that couldn't be hidden with a shirt even if he tried. Well except maybe a turtleneck but Magnus would most definitely suffer heat stroke so that was completely out of question.  

“Alec—”

Alec backed them up against the bedroom door, hoisting Magnus up and urged him to wrap his legs around his waist. 

“Pants.”

Alec huffed and ripped at Magnus’ pants button, profanities spilling from his lips as he struggled with the button.

“What the fuck kind of button is this?”

Magnus chuckled breathily and gently removed Alec's hand as he worked on his pants. Alec's mouth returned to his lips, sucking hickeys into throat. 

After a few attempts, Magnus managed to unbutton without having to tear the fabric. The pants slid down his legs easily despite the struggle at the beginning. Magnus wrapped his legs around Alec and moaned loudly as Alec pressed his hardened erection into his own. 

“Fucking hell, Alec.”

“Do you want to?”

Alec asked, pressing kisses into Magnus’ sweaty left shoulder.  

“Of course.”

Alec released his cock from his sweatpants. One arm balancing Magnus against the door and the other stroking the head of his cock. 

_ How did I get from drowning myself in alcohol to coming back here and getting the soul fucked out of me? _

Alec reached into the pocket of his pants and retrieved a package of lube, squirted some on his fingers and circled the rim of Magnus’ ass, massaging the wrinkled skin as he stroked Magnus’ back softly. 

“Where'd you go?”

Magnus rolled his eyes because of course Alec would ask something like that whilst preparing Magnus to fuck him. 

The tip of Alec's finger pressed against Magnus’ entrance before pulling back. Magnus whined in the back of his throat at the loss and thrusted his hips forward, trying to follow the finger. 

Hazel eyes bore into Magnus’ eyes as he pushed his finger inside of Magnus’ velvety walls. Magnus whimpered as Alec began massaging his walls, swirling his finger all round before adding another one. Magnus cried out, eyes never leaving Alec's as the young man opened him up for something bigger. 

“Tell me.”

“I-I was—ahh!”

Two more fingers joined Alec's fingers and  _ stretched.  _

Magnus  _ screamed _ as four fingers found his prostate, rubbing it harshly as Magnus shook vibrantly in Alec's arms. 

“Shush. Bite me if you have to.”

Alec's fingers slid out of Magnus’ wet, gaping hole and Magnus sighed, lowering his head back onto the door behind him. Alec stroked his cock with the leftover lube and began pushing inside. He groaned as Magnus’ velvety walls accepted him inside. Magnus was shaking, panting heavily and Alec hadn't even bottomed out yet. 

“Do you need me to stop?” Alec whispered lowly, biting the shell of his ear.

“Just say the word and I will.”

Magnus shook his head and pushed his hips out, silently encouraging Alec to keep going. Alec pushed slower, kissing Magnus’ cheek and lips. Magnus panted and clawed at Alec's skin, tugging his messy strands of hair. 

“I thought you left for good, I mean,” Alec murmured, his head tucked into Magnus’ shoulder as he fucked him slowly. 

Magnus raised the crown of dark hair from his shoulder and gasped at the open expression he found there. He had seen Alec wear a few expressions: happy with his siblings, extremely aroused whenever they made love, sad when his father had died, angry as he recalled his past with Jamie but this was a new expression entirely.

Fear. 

_ Fear? _

Magnus had never thought Alec was capable of fear. The man had always seemed so put together; so confident and in control of everything so to see him look so tortured, well… it cracked Magnus’ heart wide open. 

Magnus covered Alec's lips with his own and kissed him slowly. Tongues sliding together in the most beautiful waltz to a song only Magnus’ heart knew. 

Alec pulled out of Magnus’ hole slowly, sucked the man's tongue into his mouth and thrusted forward. Magnus snatched his mouth from his fiancé's and screamed at the intensity behind Alec's thrusts.  

“Ahh-ah! Alexander—fuck me harder. Nngh. Harder. Please baby, harder.”

Alec aligned his cock with Magnus’ prostate and pounded into him just as the man had requested.

“ _ Alexander _ !”

“Are you gonna cum on my cock?”

Magnus’ moans got increasingly louder every time Alec entered him. 

“You're so beautiful, Magnus. Gorgeous. I’m so lucky to have you. Fuck, you're mine. Only mine.”

Magnus gasped as Alec suddenly pulled out of him. His hole pink and  _ throbbing. _

“Alec, what are— hmph.”

Alec pecked him on his lips and lowered his legs from around his waist. Magnus frowned.

Alec tugged him over to the bed and lowered Magnus onto the cool sheets.

Magnus shivered.

Alec covered Magnus’ body with his almost immediately, spreading Magnus’ legs with his thigh, dragging his lips down the length of Magnus’ body, kissing softly before returning to his lips. 

A groan escaped Magnus’ lips as he felt Alec pushing back into him slowly. In that moment with Alec hovering over him, pressed to the root inside him, kissing his neck softly, the words burst from Magnus' lips with no thought of how Alec would react. 

“I love you.”

Alec's thrusts stuttered to a stop as he gazed into Magnus’ tears filled eyes but Magnus refused to look away. He needed Alec to see him— actually see him, see his heart, see how much he cares. He wanted Alec to try before discarding the idea completely. It felt like hours before Alec started moving again, pressing deeper, faster. 

“Say it again.”

Magnus clenched tightly around the thick shaft penetrating his ass. Alec growled, grabbed handfuls of Magnus’ ass cheeks and yanked them apart, stretching Magnus’ cheeks as he thrusted inside him faster. 

“Say. It.”

“I- _ ahh _ \- I love you.”

Magnus felt that familiar tug in his gut and he screamed, throwing his head back and just let himself be fucked by his fiancé.

“Again!”

“I love you, Alec. I'm in love with you. God, I'm cumming—”

“I know. I feel it. It's a big one. Just relax and let it pull you under.”

“Ahh-ah. Alexander!”

“Shh baby. Breathe.”

“A-Ale-Alec. I-I-nngh.”

Fingers scratching into skin, toes twisting into sheets, deafening screams. It was all too much yet it wasn't enough at all. Magnus wanted it to stop but he never  _ not _ wanted to feel this ever again.

This orgasm was intense. Magnus shook as he clung to Alec. He felt as though he was being ripped right down the middle. It burned in the most delicious way.

“Ahh-Alexander, I love you. I love you so much. Please.”

Thick, sticky spunk splattered against Magnus’ and Alec's stomach respectively. Magnus shuddered as he felt his prostate still being stimulated as Alec still hadn't cum but from the way he was grunting and squeezing Magnus’ hips, he knew the other man was close so he did his best to help him out. 

“Fucking shit! God, you're amazing, Magnus. You feel so fucking good—nngh!”

Alec's praises were cut short by the animalistic growl that escaped his throat as he released his seed inside Magnus.

Alec slipped out, grabbed a wet cloth from the bathroom and carefully cleaned their mixed releases from Magnus’ stomach and around his ass, switched the soiled sheets for clean ones and went to retrieve the Aloe Vera they kept in the bathroom. 

As the door clinked softly alerting Magnus of Alec's departure, he let his tears fall.

He cried for the unrequited love harbouring in his heart, he cried for how utter damaged and unlovable he was.

He cried and cried.

Openly and raw.

He cried until he couldn't breathe.

He cried until he was numb that he hadn't even felt Alec's arms wrapped around his torso until he heard Alec whispering in his ear, asking him to  _ breathe, _ to _ calm down. _

 

“It hurts so much.”

Alec's arm tightened around Magnus in lieu of a reply. He couldn't  _ not _ feel guilty for the older man's pain. 

“What can I do?”

Alec regretted asking almost instantaneously. He couldn't do what Magnus wanted. He  _ couldn't _ love him. He enjoyed the man's company and the sex, of course, but to give away his heart to someone— to risk something so vital. He couldn't—  _ wouldn't _ no matter how incredibly attractive his fiancé was, no matter how badly he wished Magnus wouldn't feel like he wasn't enough— because he thought he didn't deserve love because of who he was. 

“Just  _ try _ to love me back, Alec.”

Magnus knew he sounded desperate—  _ weak _ , everything his stepfather and  _ she  _ accused him of being but he couldn't help it. This was Alec.

The man he had grown to love over the past few weeks. 

He was in love.

He knew he wasn't anyone's first choice but he was hoping that over time Alec would see past whatever it was that he saw outside.

He wanted to be enough. 

He wanted Alec. 

“I  _ can't _ .”

Alec sounded broken— beaten within an inch of his life. There was no way he would allow himself close to someone else— especially not Magnus Bane. 

Magnus Bane; beautiful, selfless, forgiving. All qualities Alec himself doesn't possess. He didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of Magnus’ affection—  _ his love. _ Magnus Bane who has dealt with heartbreak since he was just a boy lost in the big world, who still loves so earnestly, so freely despite knowing the cruelty of humanity. 

Beautiful Magnus Bane with a heart of gold. Magnus Bane who made him his favourite breakfast every single morning, no matter how repetitive. 

He hadn't seen it before for what it was. He had just thought that Magnus wanted them to act more like a couple. He never suspected that Magnus was falling in love with him. 

Magnus’ sobs started up again; slowly then all at once— his hold tightened on Alec's shirt (when did he even put on a shirt?) and while the shirt was one of Alec's favourites and he didn't appreciate it being slobbered, he didn't utter a single complaint. Magnus’ heart was in ruins— it bled.

And it was all Alec's fault. 

“I-I'm sorry,” Magnus hiccupped, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. 

Alec frowned, slipped his shirt over his head and handed it to Magnus. It was already slobbered on so why the hell not?

Magnus accepted it with a tiny smile, wincing as he tried to situate himself in a comfortable position. 

“Oh, I got the Aloe. Do you want me to?”

Magnus nodded and allowed his fiancé to lay him back until his warm body made contact with clean sheets. 

“Okay?”

“Fine.”

Alec sighed, uncapped the tube, squeezed a generous amount into his hand and urged Magnus to spread his legs. Magnus obliged and shivered as he felt the cool substance against his sore entrance. 

“I'm going inside now. Is that okay?”

“Yes, that's fine.”

Alec nodded once and pressed his finger inside, rotating his finger to ensure the ointment got everywhere. 

Magnus moaned quietly as Alec prodded around inside him. 

Alec glanced up at the man spread against his white sheets, mouth slack as some whimpers escaped his lips. Alec pressed another finger outside the rim of Magnus’ hole. Magnus nodded, still not looking at Alec. A second finger joined the first one and Magnus moaned louder, pushing back against the fingers inside him. 

_ “Alec.” _

Alec felt himself thickening but chose to ignore it. This wasn't about him. This was about Magnus.

The man whose heart he keeps breaking, his fiancé. The man that loves him for reasons unbeknownst to Alec himself. 

He pushed his fingers deeper searching until Magnus pushed his head deeper into the pillow and screamed loudly. 

Alec grinned as he felt Magnus clamping down on his fingers.

Alec alternated between slow, shallow pumps and deep, hard pumps until Magnus released once again across his chest.

Alec repeated the earlier routine and when they were all cleaned, Alec joined Magnus on the bed. 

“I don't think we should share the same room anymore.”

Magnus’ voice was a whisper; barely even audible but he might as well have been shouting in Alec's ear.

“The sooner we get married, the sooner your family can leave so they won't have to question why we're sleeping in separate rooms.”

Magnus knew in the depth of his heart that what he was doing—what they had been doing wasn't healthy at all.

Alec just nodded and made up ridiculous excuse of having forgotten to do something and left, slamming the bedroom door so hard, the lamp at their bedside table shook. 

 

†

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Alec startled as he practically knocked his sister over in his attempt to get away from that room— from Magnus. 

Alec blew out a harsh breath and motioned towards his home office. Isabelle followed silently. Alec threw himself into the couch he kept there for long nights and released a frustrated sigh. 

“Trouble in paradise?” Isabelle teased, braiding her long hair into a fishtail before sitting in Alec's swivel chair.

“Yes.”

Isabelle straightened up, her teasing grin disappeared within seconds. Her brother sounded so…  _ broken, tired _ .

She hasn't heard Alec sound like that… not since J— no, she couldn't say his name, not without wanting to find the asshole and beating the complete crap out of him with her six-inch stilettos. 

“What's wrong? Is he having second thoughts?”

Alec tipped his head up to look at her; exhausted and completely confused. 

Isabelle's brown eyes widened. “Is he really? I don't understand. I thought he loved you—”

Alec raised a hand to stop his sister's panicked rambling and tipped his head back, staring up at the ceiling. The silence stretched on for what seemed like hours but was honestly just five minutes— five excruciatingly long minutes. 

“Where is everyone?” Alec enquired. Isabelle just shrugged. 

“Clary and Jace are probably off somewhere fucking like rabbits. Mom dragged Simon and Max shopping with her as I was unavailable.”

Alec frowned. 

“Why—”

“I needed to check on my big brother.”

Alec offered her a small, grateful smile.  

_ I'm gonna explode and not the fun kind if I don't tell someone.  _

With a deep breath to clear his racing heart and mind, Alec uttered the words he ached to tell someone other than Michael ever since they entire arrangement started. 

“Magnus is in love with me.”

Isabelle blinked, unimpressed, crossing her arms across her breast, red painted fingernails tapping against her biceps impatiently 

Alec groaned, tugging at his dark strands in frustration. 

“I didn't propose. Well I  _ did _ but not like  _ that.” _

Isabelle said nothing, just waited for her brother to gather his thoughts properly. 

“I paid him, Iz. I paid Magnus to marry me, to help me save my father's company, and in the midst of it all he fell in love with me for real and I can't—  _ can't _ love him back, Izzy. I can't and he's hurting and it's  _ killing _ me that I’m causing his heartache.”

Alec visibly slumped, like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. 

Isabelle sighed but she didn't look angry nor betrayed. She didn't look  _ anything. _

“You’re a jackass.”

Alec chuckled but even to his own ears it sounded strained, hollowed.

“How does that make you feel?”

Alec's brows shot up in question and Magnus clarified. 

“Him loving you. How do you feel?”

Alec sighed. “Uncomfortable, honestly. The way he says it, Isabelle. It's like—  _ fuck _ . He's really in love with me and I  _ can’t _ love him back. We should've never started having sex. Sex always complicates everything.”

A sad smile flitted across Izzy's face, wide brown eyes scanning her brother's body. A frown replaced her smile and she leaned forward, fingers linked together. 

“What do you want, Alec?”

_ What do I want? _

_ I want my family to stop walking on eggshells around me. I want my family to stop acting like I'm so fragile that I'd break if they even attempted to raise their voices at me. I want to learn how to not be a fucking asshole. _

_ I deceived you all because I hated that you all looked at me like I was broken, that there was something wrong with me because I am the way I am. I needed to prove that I wasn't as fucked up as I felt; that I was capable of love, of being in love and letting someone love me in return. I wanted so badly to at least try to be normal for once in my life! So yes, I made my employee an offer I knew he couldn't resist. I dragged him into my home, into my bed because I knew he wouldn't have said no because he needed the money but I-I needed to know that I was still alive, that my body hadn't died with my heart but most importantly, because how I felt has never mattered to Robert, I just needed to claim his company. _

“My company, my family. Everything else is just a means to an end.”

Isabelle tsked and stood up.

“If you're honestly think that you're an even bigger idiot than I originally thought.”

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the ones who've supported this story from the very beginning: Thank you.
> 
> To the ones that who've left constructive criticism: Thank you
> 
>  
> 
> To the downright assholes who have left ugly, disgusting comments both under my last chapter and have even found my Twitter to DM me on how much of my awful person I am because I didn't follow the criteria of Alec being a bottom because apparently the rule of this fandom is Magnus isn't allowed to bottom ..Ever: A gigantic fuck you. To you. :)
> 
> This fic is mine and I will write it how I see fit.  
> Is Magnus & Alec's relationship toxic right now?? Definitely? I'm well aware. I am the one writing it after all. No need to remind me.  
> Will it get better? It sure will but it will NOT happen overnight.  
> They have to gradually grow and not just be thrust into a relationship because a few people have unrealistic exceptions of how relationships work, especially when person A has tremendous trust issues and person B just wants to be happy so they'll settle for anything.
> 
> Until then, please refrain from starting drama in the comment section. Please don't argue with people who enjoy this fic and try to respect that everyone's opinions may not be the same as yours..
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you and I hope you enjoy x
> 
> As always, lots of love to my wonderful  Beta, who made the necessary changes even though she wasn't well. I love and appreciate her so much! <333

_ Love and pain become one in the same in the eyes of a wounded child _

—Pat Benatar

  
  


_ “Oxford Blue _ or  _ Phthalo Blue?” _

Alec’s head throbbed. It felt as though someone had taken a Santoku knife to his skull. Squeezing his eyes shut, he willed the throbbing to dissolve completely.

The tapping of Maryse’s heels against the wooden floor did nothing to ease the ache. He could barely hear his mother and sister animatedly chatting and asking him the most ridiculous questions about his wedding. The wedding that was happening in two days.

 

After Isabelle left, leaving Alec to mull over his thoughts and Magnus’ decision to utilise his old bedroom; the room that had been originally assigned to him before Michael suggested that he started sleeping in Alec’s room with him, hoping it would bring them closer together to avoid awkward situations where they’d have to appear intimate and grossly all over each other like a couple who were disgustingly in love and excited about getting married.

He didn’t return to his bedroom that night and fell asleep on top of his work tablet causing it to crack right down the middle.

He had stormed out of his office and into the kitchen where he met Isabelle and Simon spoon feeding each other pieces of pancakes and something snapped. He couldn’t tell what it was but what he did know was that he and Magnus had delayed the inevitable for far too long.

The whole idea of the plan was for them to get married as soon as humanly possible. They’d wasted a large amount of time; nearly a month doing mundane things when they could have already been joined together in matrimony, so as Isabelle dragged her fork up to her husband’s lips, he announced in a clear, steady voice: “Saturday. I’ve decided to marry the man I love on Saturday.”

Love.

The word felt ashy and bitter between his lips. 

_ Love? _

_ Alec Lightwood wasn't capable of love.  _

He barely loved himself. 

The fork clattered on the table noisily. Simon practically jumped from where he sat, blushing hotly which was ridiculous since he and Isabelle had been together for years.

“I-I’m... I’ll go. Bye.”

Alec blinked, confused at Simon’s odd behaviour. Hazel eyes flitted to his sister’s brown amused ones and raised a brow in question. She shrugged, picking at her nails innocently. Alec rolled his eyes and went towards the island. Isabelle got up, grabbed a plate and filled it with a stack of pancakes and passed it over to Alec who frowned at it.

“Mom made it, you asshole.”

He grinned; relief tugging at the ends of his lips, poured some syrup on his pancakes and began eating. He didn’t realise how hungry he was until he had actually finished the entire thing.

“So, Saturday?” Isabelle asked, crossing her feet at the ankles as she sipped her green tea.

Alec nodded and straightened up. “Best to get it over with.”

Isabelle snorted, placed her cup down gently and glared at her brother. “Get it over with? This is your wedding, Alec. You should sound a bit more overjoyed at the news, at least if you want to keep up this ridiculous charade. You obviously care about Magnus—”

“I do care about Magnus. He's a good guy,” Alec mumbled, walking over to the counter, hoping to grab a few more pancakes for himself when Maryse entered the kitchen, an obviously sleepy Max on her heels, clad in a Spiderman sweater and brown khaki pants; a rather odd choice of clothing. His dark hair, much like his brother's, was combed neatly, pushed away from his brown eyes, a worn manga clutched underneath his armpit and lips pressed into a scowl. 

“Good morning children,” Maryse announced chirpily, smoothing her skin tight brown dress. Her hair brushed against her shoulders, face devoid of make up as she made her way over to the island. 

“Hey Max.”

Max grumbled back something that sounded similar to  _ good morning Alec _ . 

Alec ruffled his brother's hair affectionately and busied himself with brewing a fresh mug of coffee and stacking three pancakes with cut strawberries on a plate for Max, trying to avoid his sister's intense gaze. He reached into the fridge to grab a juice box for Max but froze as his eyes landed on freshly squeezed orange juice. He vaguely recalled Magnus mentioning something about healthier juice for Max and not that artificial crap. A smile ghosted his lips before he could help himself and grabbed the mug carefully as to not spill it. 

He poured a tall glass for the young boy, poured some coffee into two cups and went back to the island, handing a cup of steamy beverage to his mother before snuggling against her. Maryse blinked then smiled bright and wide, pressing a kiss against her son's hairline. Alec had always been a Mama's boy, that was until Izzy had entered the picture. He had stopped cuddling with his mother, stopped requesting bedtime stories and kisses. It only got worse when he had finally entered his teenage years. He was stoic and closed off, smiling only for sister and best friend, Jace. Maryse had worried; racked her brain trying to decipher what had happened to her baby boy. It wasn’t until he had introduced Jamie to their family that she finally understood. It didn't take as much time getting used to as she figured. 

Alec was gay. 

Her sweet, beautiful boy. He liked men and that was just completely fine with her. She had hugged him tightly the night he had come out and kissed him everywhere and for once, in a very long time, Alec welcomed her. 

Isabelle snorted at his antics but continued sipping at her green tea, slowly savouring the liquid.

Max mumbled his thanks, as Maryse carded her fingers through Alec's unruly dark hair.

“Alec has decided on a date,” Isabelle blurted out, ignoring the panicked look her brother threw her way. Maryse extracted her hand from her son's head and clapped excitedly, her bracelets clanging against each other, a wide smile on her lips and if you looked closely, her brown eyes were filled to the brim with tears. Guilt settled heavily in Alec's gut upon seeing his mother's excitement practically buzzing underneath her skin. 

“Finally! I was beginning to think you had changed your mind or maybe Magnus had.”

 

And that was how Alec found himself regretting every single one of his life choices as his mother fussed over colours. 

“Mom, they're  _ both _ blue.”

Maryse's nose wrinkled in disgust as if Alec had just said the most ridiculous thing she has ever heard. 

“Alexander, don't be dense. Can't you see the hues are a shade darker?” she asked, holding up two pieces of fabric that were literally the exact same colour. Alec groaned, his head pounding.

“Green. It brings out Alexander's eyes.”

Maryse glanced over to the doorway where the voice had spoken from and if possible, her smile widened. 

_ Magnus. _

“Magnus, dear. Thank God you're here. Alec was being a pain.”

Alec huffed, glanced over at Magnus and waved him over. Magnus obeyed and sat on Alec's lap as he and Maryse went through hues of green, hoping to find the perfect one.

“Chartreuse!”

“Emerald!”

Maryse and Magnus shouted simultaneously, eyes twinkling with determination. 

Maryse frowned. 

“Emerald is so basic. Chartreuse is gorgeous and does wonders for Alec's skin.”

Magnus rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. 

“Emerald is superior. Alexander will look so handsome.”

Maryse chuckled, smirk fixed at her lips. 

“My sweet boy, tell Magnus chartreuse is the better of the two.”

Alex blinked, annoyed that he was now dragged into colour picking. Sure, it was his wedding but he figured he would just be in charge of the food and venues, leaving everything decorative to Magnus and Izzy. 

“Mom, I don't—”

“Baby, you know how much I love emerald,” Magnus purred, leaning back against Alec's muscled body. 

Alec _did_ know how much Magnus loved the colour emerald. He only mentioned it like three times in his **_Things You Absolutely Need To Know About Me_** _list_ he had handed to Alec the day after they'd come to an agreement. 

Alec swallowed thickly because Magnus was an absolute menace and was trying to arouse him in front of his mother, not that it took much to be aroused by Magnus.

The man was a walking wet dream.

Maryse narrowed her eyes, picking up on Magnus’ devious attempt to sway Alec to emerald even though it was clear that Alec would not have been able to differentiate the two if asked. Isabelle just smiled, impressed by Magnus’ tactics. 

“Emerald is good,” Alec muttered, beads of sweat circling his brows. 

Maryse snorted while Isabelle laughed loudly. She winked at Magnus who only shrugged and turned to press a kiss to his fiancé's cheek. 

“Fine,” Maryse huffed, brown eyes gleaming happily proving that she wasn't upset at all. 

“Alright. Now that that's out of the way let's head onto what really matters: guest list.”

Alec's hands tightened around Magnus’ hips, pressed his face into the crook of the man's neck and groaned. Magnus shivered at the proximity while Maryse rolled her eyes at her son's dramatics. 

“You're the one who wanted to get married,” Maryse reprehended. “Now so far, Isabelle and I have settled on two hundred forty—”

“Jesus Christ, Mom, did you invite the entire New York?”

Maryse waved him away like a pesky insect. 

“I don't even know one hundred people much less two hundred. Don't be insane, Mom.” 

Maryse shushed him, much to Alec's annoyance and flicked through a list Alec didn't even know existed. 

“Obviously, you have to invite the board. That'll shut those assholes up. Your friends and Magnus’, my friends, their kids.”

“Might as well create a list for pets while you're at it,” Alec grumbled, pulling Magnus closer to his chest. 

“Already done.

Alec sputtered. “Mom.”

“Alexander.”

Izzy grinned, amused by Alec's behaviour. Alec pouted in return.

Maryse sighed, dropped her pen and notebook and stared at her eldest son. 

“The bigger, the better. People have been talking. I know you don't read the tabloids, as your father and I always taught you to, but people aren't convinced that this wedding is actually going to happen. You're my son and I love you but you're kind of an asshole,” Maryse explained, voice dripping honey as she patted Alec's shoulders. 

Alec snorted, peeking from Magnus’ shoulders.

“I don't want a big wedding, Mother. I couldn’t care less what people are thinking of me. Magnus and I are going to get married and live happily ever after. If people believe and support that then cool but if not, fuck them.”

“Alec,” Maryse scolded, frowning at her son's choice of words. 

Alec smiled and squeezed her hand in his larger ones. 

“The board members and a few of Magnus’ workmates are fine. My friends, his friends and that's it. No extra theatrics. Got it?”

Maryse didn't look pleased but nodded her head nonetheless. Alec's mind was made up and there was nothing she could do to change it. The boy had inherited her stubborn nature much to her displeasure. 

Thirty minutes later, Alec and Magnus’ guest list consisted of ninety people. Magnus’ best friends: Raphael, Catarina and workmates: Lydia, Hailey and Joseph and hopefully Ragnor if he felt up to it the day of the wedding.

Alec, to no one's surprise had no friends to invite to his wedding except for his bartender friend, Underhill, so the rest fell on Maryse and Izzy, who gladly invited a few of their friends and their children to make up the amount.

Alec's hands subconsciously reached under the front of Magnus’ shirt, rubbing circles into the man's abs.

Only when Magnus’ hand covered his did he notice his mistake and immediately tried to remove it before he thought better of it.

Magnus was his fiancé. No one would even bat an eye at his actions. 

Except Isabelle of course, who had been watching him keenly. Alec scoffed, returning his attention back to his mother, who was now spreading several magazines across the table top, prattling on about venues.  

“Cupid's Bliss: $145,000.00, 80-100 persons.”

“Let's take that one—”

“Alec, shush. That was barely the first one. You might see another one you like.”

_ Cupid's Bliss _ was undeniably beautiful. It was outdoors, beautifully architectured tree trunks as seats, crystal lights twinkling above, adding an ethereal feel to the enclosed space. A shimmering pond just five feet away from where the priest would be stood at.

“Chrysanthemum.”

“Ohh that's pretty,” Magnus injected, wiggling his shoulders to get Alec's attention. Alec frowned but his eyes widened as he took in the price. 

It was ridiculous. Definitely not pretty enough for that price. It was so  _ basic _ compared to Cupid's Bliss. 

$498,000.00, 60-90 persons.

“Absolutely fucking not. What is that thing made of? Gold?”

Magnus’ lips parted and Alec squeezed his hip. Magnus swallowed a laugh. He knew exactly what Alec was trying to say.

_ Do not enable her. _

“That's absurd. We're not doing that. Cupid's Bliss is prettier for way less cost.”

Magnus and Maryse sighed in unison which was actually really fucking creepy. They needed to stop hanging around each other ASAP!

“You only get married once, dearest. Why not make the best of it?” Maryse asked. Alec shook his head firmly. 

“No. Don't you like Cupid's Bliss?” he asked, twisting himself to find Magnus’ eyes. Magnus smiled softly and nodded because yes, he did like Cupid's Bliss. He would've been a fool not to and Alec was right. It was cheaper. A great price for their pseudo wedding.

“We can do Cupid's Bliss. It's beautiful.”

“Like you?” Alec asked, grinning before he reached up to peck Magnus’ lips. 

Maryse sighed, defeated, and circled Cupid's Bliss with her red Sharpie. 

“Alright, fine. I'll call Mr Ohgami and book an appointment for tomorrow morning. You and Magnus will both choose a tuxedo out of the few Isabelle and I picked out for the big day. If you don't like any of those, we can easily just pick your own. Don't worry, everyone else's suits and dresses were tailored the second you mentioned your marriage.”

Alec rolled his eyes because, of course. Maryse Lightwood didn't do anything by halves. 

Max padded back in the room, his hair disheveled as if he had been lying on the couch watching television again. Maryse glared at him but young Max just shrugged and joined his family at the island, brown eyes scanning the papers and colours scattered all about.

“Can I be the ring bearer? I promise I won't drop it,” Max asked his brother's fiancé very seriously.

Magnus chuckled and ruffled Max's hair affectionately. 

“I was going to ask you. You spoiled the surprise.”

Max's eyes widened. 

“Really? Wow. Thanks for trusting me, Magnus. Everyone else loves to baby me,” Max complained with an exaggerated eye roll. 

Everyone laughed much to Max's dismay. The youngest Lightwood grumbled, jumped down from the island, grabbed a packet of popcorn and plopped it into the microwave, humming Spider-Man's theme song as he waited. Magnus grinned and chimed in, humming along with Max, who beamed at him. 

Maryse chuckled, Isabelle smiled and Alec just looked amused at the scene before him. 

“I can't wait for you both to give me some beautiful grandbabies to spoil.”

Isabelle's eyes slipped to Alec, who just gulped his coffee to avoid having to say anything. 

Max, bless his heart, snorted at his mother. “Mom, they aren't even married yet. Give them a few years.”

Maryse waved her youngest off, as she'd seem to have been doing all morning with her children, except Isabelle who agreed with everything that pelted from the woman's mouth.

“Are you sure you want to marry into this?” Alec asked Magnus, who just grinned in response. 

“I love your family,” Magnus whispered, smiling at the Lightwoods, who just smiled in return.

Alec focused his attention back to the half emptied cup of coffee because the honesty in Magnus’ tone was unmistakable. 

It was too much. 

Too  _ real. _

His family loved Magnus.

Their divorce would be difficult, messy but it had to be done.

There was no other way.

 

★

 

“Do you need to shower?” asked Magnus, already peeling his shirt from his body, boxers tight against his body, showing off the man's perky ass. 

 

“I do actually. I fell asleep before I had a chance to.”

Magnus nodded, dragged his boxers from his hips down his legs and kicked them off into some unknown corner of the room. 

“Wanna share?”

Alec smirked and undressed himself quickly, trailing behind Magnus like a faithful puppy. 

Magnus grinned as he felt Alec press behind him. He twisted the dial, mineralised water pouring from the shower head, covering the men's skin lavishly. 

Alec dragged water along Magnus’ neck with the tip of his tongue. Magnus moaned loudly, the pressure of the water drowning out his obscene noises. 

Alec pressed his hard erection between Magnus’ buttocks and rocked his hips, allowing the glide of the water to do its job. 

“Tell me you love me,” Alec whispered against Magnus’ ears, nibbling on the shell of his ear. 

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you, Alexander Lightwood.”

Magnus reached out and grabbed his homemade sandalwood body wash. He poured a generous amount in the palm of his hand, turned towards Alec and began rubbing the liquid soap into the man's broad shoulders, then to his abs, and hips, dragged across his cock faintly then back up to his hair. He massaged the man's scalp and Alec reached between their bodies but Magnus pulled back, kissed the side of his mouth and handed the bottle of body wash to Alec, who stared at the bottle confused before pouring some in his hand and rubbing it all over Magnus’ body. His ass in particular.

Alec massaged Magnus’ cheeks, spread it wide and pressed into Magnus’ back, his slippery cock rubbing against Magnus’ pucker. 

Magnus extracted himself from the man's grip with herculean effort because he really wanted his fiancé to take him right there in their bathroom but a part of him knew that he needed to stop letting Alec have his way with him. 

“Magnus,” Alec groaned, deep and hoarse, pulling Magnus flush into his chest, lowering his hands to cup the man's balls. 

Magnus shivered. Alec stroked his balls slowly as Magnus practically vibrated in the man's arms. He dragged his fingers until he reached Magnus’ perineum, rubbing the soft skin gently. Magnus moaned.

The sound of the bottle of lube they kept behind the shampoo for moments such as these being opened dragged Magnus from his clouded gaze.

Alec had grabbed the lube in hopes of opening Magnus up with it for his cock to glide into the wet channel easily but Magnus grabbed his wrist, stopping his movement. 

“We should wash up here and head out,” Magnus mentioned breathily, still riled up from Alec playing with his body. Confusion flashed across Alec's face as Magnus turned back to the shower. Magnus grinned triumphantly and washed himself quickly before turning back to Alec who was still standing with a dumbfounded look on his face— goose bumps splattering across his skin from the cold, his hard length standing proud even though he was denied. 

“Your turn.”

It took several minutes before Alec moved from that spot. He washed the soap from his skin and joined a very naked Magnus, his back facing Alec as he looked for something to wear in their walk in closet. Alec swallowed roughly and crossed the room in large strides. His cock stirred, throbbing painfully. He kneaded Magnus’ ass and kissed the side of his throat, pushing his erection between Magnus’ ass cheeks. 

“Are you good with the wedding plans?” He asked gruffly, biting the shell of Magnus’ ear gently. 

Magnus nodded. “It's fine. Just two more days until we're legally married.”

Alec hummed.

“I want to fuck you.”

Magnus lolled his head, aligning his neck to offer Alec more skin to kiss, bite and whatever else he pleased. 

“I want to be inside you. God, Magnus, I need you.”

“We can't, Alec.”

Alec's lips froze at Magnus’ neck. Magnus used the man's shock to his advantage and removed himself from where he was pressed against his chest, clothes in hand. 

“Cake tasting,” Magnus explained as he dressed himself in a maroon button-up and pants so tight they seemed to have been painted on. 

Alec cursed lowly.

“Cake tasting isn't until—”

The door slammed and Alec was left standing in the middle of his bedroom, naked. 

Hazel eyes blinked. 

Once, twice.

Magnus refused sex?

That has never happened before. Magnus was usually as eager as he was, if not more. 

Alec would never forget the night Magnus woke him at 3am panting and loose, waiting to be filled. The screams that were ripped from his throat as Alec fucked him roughly were beautiful music to his ears.

Alec shook his head and dressed quickly in a plain t-shirt and black skinny jeans, grabbed his car keys from their bedside table and rushed outside to join Magnus. 

He bumped into his mother instead, cackling loudly with someone on the phone. 

She covered the speaker of her phone with her hand upon Alec enquiring about Magnus to explain that Magnus had gone with Isabelle and they would just bring the cakes back for everyone to taste. 

Alec gritted his teeth in annoyance because who the fuck did Magnus Bane think he was?

Why was he toying with him all of a sudden?

 

“Did you do it?” Isabelle asked nonchalantly as she and Magnus arrived at  _ Mrs Vincent's Bakery Goods. _

“Do you know how hard it is to turn down sex with your brother?”

Isabelle made a gagging notion and Magnus smiled. It felt good to finally have someone else to confide in. He had been terrified out of his mind at first, silently praying to every deity that Isabelle didn't out them to the entire family but Isabelle had been sympathetic to Magnus and even held him when he broke down. 

It had been a few minutes after Isabelle left her brother's office. Knowing Alec, she knew that he wouldn't return to his bedroom so she took it upon herself to have a little chat with her brother's fiancé. 

Magnus startled as Isabelle entered. He stood up abruptly as though he had been up to something but the only thing that was up was him.

Naked and waiting like the perfect play thing. 

Isabelle had turned her back, giving the older man five minutes to get dressed. Magnus scrambled up, grabbing random pieces of clothes together and dressed quickly. Isabelle turned back when he was just fixing the collar of his shirt. She smiled, pleased and flopped onto the bed. 

“You need to stop giving into him.”

Magnus blinked. 

“Um. What do you mean?”

Isabelle sighed, patting the space next to her. Magnus obeyed and joined her at the edge of bed. 

“I love my brother but since having his heart broken he's become the biggest fucking asshole. He refuses to understand that not every man is that sack of shit. I like you, Magnus. You're good for him even if he doesn't know it yet.”

“O-kaayy—”

“I know that you and Alec aren't actually in love. Well, you're in love, he isn't.”

Magnus froze, chilled to his spine. He sat unmoving, eyes fixed on Isabelle's face but not exactly seeing her. 

“Alec just told me,” she mentioned easily. “You need to stop giving into him. Otherwise he'll never respect you.”

Magnus found himself nodding because, while he enjoyed the sex, he knew that it wasn't a recipe for love. Alec wouldn't just fall in love with him one day simply because they had frequent, filthy, animalistic sex.

“I can help you.”

Determination set in Isabelle's brown eyes. She sat and went through Alec's weak spots with the man she thought would finally awaken something in her brother.

 

“Gross,” Isabelle shrilled. “I don't need to know about that.”

“I missed it though. So fucking much.”

“Magnus—”

Mrs Vincent, a short Jamaican woman with grey hair braided to the tips of her ears in thick plaits, interrupted their bickering. Gently, she placed down two platters of cupcakes in a variety of colours. 

Magnus’ mouth salivated as the sweet aroma flooded his nostrils. Isabelle paid the amount of money along with a tip for Mrs Vincent for getting them done so quickly, grabbed a platter as Magnus grabbed the other and made their way out of the bakery. Alvarado, Mrs Vincent's son-in-law who had been visiting his mother-in-law along with his wife from Belize, graciously opened the door for them to avoid a gigantic mess. 

“Was he annoyed?” Isabelle enquired, checking to ensure the platter wouldn't slip and slide when the car drove off. 

Magnus snorted, buckling the seatbelt across his chest. 

“I think he was more confused than anything else. Alec always gets what he wants.”

Isabelle joined him in the car after carefully securing the cakes, buckled herself in and drove off, grinning. 

“Good.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Lemon is good,” Alec muttered around a mouthful of lemon cake.

Magnus chuckled, amused at his fiancé's childlike behaviour. He appeared more like a toddler who was now learning to feed themselves rather than the twenty-five-year-old man he was meant to marry. 

“Really?” Magnus asked teasingly. “I wouldn't have guessed,” he whispered against the man's lips, swiping his tongue against the man's lips before sucking on it. It was all very sexual and wildly inappropriate considering Alec's mother was sitting just two feet away from them but Magnus couldn't be bothered. Izzy hid her grin behind her own banana cupcake. 

Magnus moaned quietly against his fiancé's lips.

“That's good.”

He grinned as his elbow grazed against something rigid. 

“Magnus.”

“Alexander.”

Alec glared at the man thrown across his chest, his cock pressing against his zipper painfully. He hadn't had a release for what felt like years and he was going out of his mind. 

“I'm gonna explode,” Alec whined, pressing his hand harshly against the tent in his pants. 

“Inside me?”

Magnus asked innocently licking crumbs of cake from his fingers. 

“Inside you,” Alec confirmed, unzipping his pants and allowed the harsh cold to nip at his exposed flesh. 

“I like Lemon and Almond,” Maryse announced, which caused Magnus to pull away from Alec who had started shamelessly stroking himself from inside his opened jeans even as his mother talked about her favourite cakes. 

Magnus stifled a laugh behind his closed fist, shook his head fondly, doing his best to ignore his fiancé. 

Alec frowned, zipped his pants and grabbed another cupcake, nibbling it slowly as his brain racked trying to seek out what could've caused Magnus’ sudden behaviour. 

“This is butterscotch. It's good.”

Magnus pressed his lips to Alec's and sucked. 

“Hmm, that is good.”

Maryse groaned, a little uncomfortable at how Magnus was practically eating her child's face but mostly happy that her son found someone he could share his life with. 

Cake tasting carried on long into the night. Max happily eating cupcakes as he talked about his latest comic:  _ Danganronpa, _ that Maryse immediately disapproved of because of the crude language and violence. 

Alec scoffed. 

Their mother had always been a bit much but he and Isabelle both had been trying to encourage her to loosen up a bit where Max was concerned. 

“Have you both decided on where you'd like to go for your honeymoon?” 

Alec grinned. “Actually, we have. We've decided on Belgium. I hear it's great this time of year.”

Maryse blinked. “Oh? Well, that's lovely then.”

“Yo, Jace-man is the house.”

The Lightwoods and Magnus groaned simultaneously, which caused Clary to chuckle and Jace to appear very offended. 

“Talk about warm welcome.”

“No one likes you, Meg,” Max chimed in, quoting Peter from Family. Alec guffawed, leaning into Magnus to keep his balance. Jace pointed a finger to Max and made a slicing motion at his neck. 

“You're done, Lightwood.”

Max grinned, clearly pleased with his joke and continued eating his marshmallow fluff cake. Jace grabbed two cakes for himself and Clary, who kissed his cheek in thanks. 

“S’good,” Jace mumbled, smacking his lips loudly. Magnus cringed while Alec threw a plastic plate at his head yelling at him to “stop smacking your fucking lips, Jesus Christ!”

Jace smiled sheepishly, rubbing the spot where the plate landed on his forehead. 

Clary gagged two seconds after eating hers because apparently she hated chocolate. 

Wrong Answer.

“What kind of asshole hates chocolate? That's like saying you hate kids,” Alec yelled.

Clary’s green eyes widened and she took a small step backwards. 

“That's literally not the same thing, dude,” Jace defended, wrapping an arm around Clary's shoulders. 

Alec just shook his head, disgusted at his friend's choice in partner. 

“Fucking weirdos.”

“Alright kiddos,” Maryse interrupted, her lips curled up in amusement. “Bed time.”

Max grumbled but Isabelle practically skipped off the chair, as though she had been waiting for dismissal. 

Jace and Clary followed behind leaving Magnus, Alec and Maryse sat at the table. 

Maryse smiled, gathered the plastic plates and forks, shaking her head when Magnus attempted to help her, and threw them in the trash.

She walked over to the door but stopped hesitantly before turning to face Magnus, tears in her eyes. 

“Thank you for loving my boy,” she whispered and left. 

Magnus smiled softly at the woman's kindness. She wasn't as bad as magazines made her out to be at all and honestly, neither was Alec. 

His fiancé. 

Speaking of, Magnus felt kisses being pressed into his hair and nape. His eyes fluttered shut at the gentleness, his mouth stretched into an even bigger smile.

“We should go to bed now. Busy day tomorrow,” Magnus whispered, aligning his head to peck Alec's lips but Alec had something else in mind. His tongue pushed past Magnus’ lips easily, not that the man had tried to resist. The lewd sounds of saliva and tongues battling each other could be heard in the quiet kitchen. Magnus felt his fiancé hardened under his ass. He pushed back on the erection and kissed Alec messily, moaning as the man's tongue dragged across his his. Alec's hands held onto Magnus’ neck possessively before dragging them down to softly caress the man's skin. Alec pushed Magnus’ thighs apart, held Magnus tightly at his hips and grinded upward, pressing his hard length into Magnus’ ass. 

Magnus shuddered.

“Tell me,” Alec whimpered as he rocked Magnus against his clothed erection. 

“I love you.”

“It's been awhile since I've heard that.”

Magnus’ heart squeezed painfully in his chest. It had been a while since he had told anyone that. After his bitch of an ex, he had closed himself off from feeling anything for anyone; man or woman but Alec.

Alec had awoken something so fierce inside of him.

“You're a good man, Magnus Bane.”

“Alec—”

“What do you need?”

_ Don't give into him. _

_ He'll never respect you. _

_ Make him want you. _

_ Make him beg, bleed if necessary.  _

_ I'm not luring you into abstinence.  _

_ Blue balls is dreadful… or so I've heard.  _

_ Let him ache for you for once.  _

 

“Alexander..”

“Hmm?” 

Alec's teeth scraped alongside Magnus’ neck, a shiver bolted down Magnus’ spine.

Alec was hard.

He was hard.

“We should go to bed.”

Alec nodded, held Magnus tight against his chest and lifted himself from where they were seated. Magnus giggled at how ridiculous they must have looked, glued to each other the way they were. 

Alec rolled his eyes but he was smiling...

And he was beautiful.

They made to their bedroom door successfully, no broken bones nor bruised skin. 

The second the door shut, Magnus was pressed against the door, Alec's tongue in his mouth, his hand on his ass. 

Alec's erection thick and hard against Magnus’ thigh.

The kisses grew dirtier. Buttons ripped open, zippers pulled down, Alec’s hands down Magnus’ pants, stroking his erection.

“Ahh-ah.”

Alec hummed and oh so gently scraped a fingernail against Magnus’ sensitive head which caused the man to buck upright, spreading his legs wider.

“A-Alexander.”

Hands slipped lower, massaging Magnus’ perineum gently as Alec's tongue pushed between his lips; sloppy and wet. 

Alec circled Magnus’ rim, nibbling at his lips as his finger started breaching the man's entrance.

“Alexander—”

“Yes?”

Alec pushed his finger past the rim just barely and Magnus groaned, practically vibrating against Alec's chest. 

“Ah-Alec! Alexander!”

Alec kissed him gently; once, twice, entering him slowly until Magnus had taken his entire finger inside of his body. 

_ Stop giving into him! _

Magnus stiffened, clenching around Alec's finger pushed inside him. Magnus gently grasped Alec's wrist as the man's finger pumped inside him. A second finger breached his rim and Magnus’ hold tightened on Alec's wrist as he tried tugging his hand away. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he was way too out of breath to even consider voicing his thoughts so he just hoped his actions said enough. 

They did.

“Do you need me to stop?”

Magnus nodded, slowing his breathing before he rasped out: “Come on. Let's go to bed. Your mom will have both of our heads if we're late for our appointment.”

Alec pulled his finger from the man's hole gently and stepped back.

Eyes blown wide, pants at his knees, cock hard and leaking. Magnus made quite the picture.

Alec eyed him suspiciously, eyes roaming from the crown of his head to sole of his feet. 

This was the third time Magnus had refused sex. 

“What's wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

Alec frowned, tilting his head to the side, studying the man before him. Shirt ripped down the middle, his hard erection poking out from between Magnus’ legs. 

“Are you sore?”

Magnus’ eyes widened and he suddenly felt itchy and uncomfortable in his own skin.

_ What the hell was he thinking taking Isabelle's advice? _

_ He and Alec were fine the way things were before.  _

“Magnus?”

Magnus blinked and jumped backwards, realising the man now stood directly in front of him. 

He looked almost worried... about  _ Magnus _ .

“Magnus—”

“I'm really sore. I'm sorry. I can't.”

Alec scoffed, shaking his head. 

An  _ unbelievable _ escaped his lips but it was barely audible. 

“Why are you apologising? That's not your fault. I should've been more gentle with you. I'm really sorry. Do you want me to check you out? Apply some Aloe Vera?”

Magnus swallowed roughly. 

_ Way to make me feel like a giant fucking asshole. _

_ Couldn't you have said anything else, Bane? You just had to go with sore. _

“It's okay. I'm okay. Just let's go to bed.”

Alec didn't look convinced at all but he eventually dropped the issue and joined Magnus on their bed. He hugged the man tightly to his chest and fell into a dreamless slumber. 

 

Alec stirred awake to wet lips dragging across the length of his throat, occasionally nibbling against his Adam's apple. Manicured fingers curled around his erection, pumping gently. Alec woke slowly, bleary eyed, mouth parted in a silent moan as the man above him sped his hand up, squeezing the thick shaft and rubbing his fingernail across the sensitive head. 

“Good morning,” Magnus whispered against his ear, breathy sighs escaping his lips as though he were the one being pleasured. 

“Hmm. Morning.”

Still stuck inside the heavy cloud of drowsiness, Alec pushed his own hand into the man's pants, stroking gently as the sighs turned into gasps; heavy and ripe. 

“Alexander...”

“Beautiful Magnus.”

The moans soon turned into screams as Alec felt his erection being pushed into something damp and tight. His eyelids felt heavy and his vision blurred. He struggled to see what was happening before him. 

His erection was being squeezed tightly almost to the point of pain.

The screams were louder, heavier. 

“Alexander!”

Alec tried to move his hips but found himself unable to.

“Alec...”

Gentle hands caressed his cheek and forehead.

Screams turned into shrills then a buzzing sound.

Loud, almost like an—

“Alexander!”

Alec jolted awake, sweating and panting as he tried to calm himself. He was so ridiculously hard. He blinked rapidly, clearing his vision. His alarm clock shrilling noisily beside his head was most definitely the cause of his throbbing headache.

The silhouette softened away to show the figure of his fiancé, Magnus, wide eyed, staring at him, his hand outstretched as though trying to steady the man. 

Alec sighed, annoyed and embarrassed that at his age he was having wet dreams like a horny teenager. 

Things like this didn't happen to people like him. People who were drowning in ass, at least until Magnus. 

Magnus frowned, taking in Alec's rapid breathing, his flushed face and parted lips. 

“Are you okay?”

Alec nodded, as he struggled to catch his breath. “I'm good. Just a dream. What did you need?”

“We have an appointment in forty minutes.”

Alec cursed loudly, threw his covers back and rushed into the bathroom. He needed a cold shower. 

He finished his shower in less than five minutes and grabbed a black t-shirt and black skinny jeans from his closet, and his keys and ran through his bedroom door, Magnus hot on his heels. He yelled a good morning to his family, grabbed two pieces of toast for Magnus and himself, got into the car, switched on the AC and made his way to Mr Ohgami. 

 

†

 

“Alexander Lightwood,” Mr Ohgami, greeted. His wrinkled face broke into a fond smile upon seeing the little boy he had practically raised along with Robert, his favourite customer. 

Alec smiled respectfully and grasped the man's hand in a firm handshake before introducing Magnus.

Mr Ohgami beamed brightly at Magnus, who smiled politely in return. 

“It's good to finally meet you, Magnus. Maryse wouldn't stop gushing about you.” 

Magnus flushed, an embarrassed smile on his lips. Alec squeezed his biceps in comfort as Mr Ohgami led then further into the store.

“So Alec, how long have you and your fiancé been together?” Mr Ohgami, asked, voice muffled from the closet where his head was currently stuck in as he pulled out a few tuxedos and placed them before Magnus and Alec.

“A little over a year.”

Mr Ohgami made a pleased sound as he returned with two bags of what Alec assumed were tuxedos. 

“There's a private bedroom behind there,” Mr Ohgami explained, gesturing to the back room with his short thumb. “Two different exits and two bathrooms, in case you're the type that doesn't want to see each other before the actual wedding.”

Magnus grinned, accepted the bag from the man and made his way to the bedroom, Alec trailing closely behind him. 

“How are you feeling now?” Alec enquired, as they entered the bedroom. Magnus twisted his neck to peek over his shoulder at his fiancé.

Confusion etched into his features. 

“About what?”

Alec tugged his shirt over his head, biceps flexing with the movement and dragged his jeans down his legs. Black boxers, which left nothing at all to the imagination, was all the younger man was clad in as he removed his tuxedo from the bag. Magnus cleared his throat and did the same. He folded his shirt carefully as to not wrinkle the fabric and pushed his pants down his thighs.

“Are you still sore?”

“Oh. Uh, no. I-I'm good now.”

Alec hummed in lieu of a response.

“We can have sex later,” Magnus blurted and immediately regretted the words. He winced, turning back to his own tuxedo and wrestled it from the plastic. It was your typical black tuxedo except his was embroidered with gold thread and seemed to be dusted with glitter of some sort. It twinkled when angled in a certain direction and Magnus grinned, pleased that both his mother-in-law and sister-in-law knew his style of clothing already. It warmed his heart.

He knew he was getting far too attached to the Lightwoods but he just couldn't help himself. They were a lovely bunch of people and he felt privileged to have been able to join their family.

Pseudo or not, he did love them as he loved his own family.

Alec chuckled upon seeing his own suit. It was a typical black tuxedo, not what he was used to at all as the fabric appeared more flashy; more sophisticated than he usually wore but he loved it nonetheless.  

“Do you like yours?” he asked Magnus, turning on his heels to face the slightly shorter man. 

“Mine is great.” 

Magnus nodded. 

“We should check the others too.”

Nine tuxedos later, they both decided on their very first choices as the others were a bit… much.

Magnus snorted upon seeing a champagne coloured tux with matching sunglasses and Alec's nose wrinkled in disgust as he was rewarded with a mustard coloured tux. 

After paying for their tuxedos and chatting a bit with Mr Ohgami, they stopped by a hole-in-the-wall diner Magnus frequented before he was engaged to be married to the most eligible bachelor of his time. The exterior was pretty run down and Alec felt uncomfortable and out of place with his ridiculously expensive attire but Magnus seemed to blend right in. His brown eyes twinkled as he took in his surroundings and Alec just found himself observing the man; the way his smile stretched even wider when someone recognised him and came over to say hello, the way he hadn't let go of Alec's hand since they entered. Their rings rubbed against the other as Magnus swung their joined hands happily. 

“Let's sit here.”

Alec nodded and followed Magnus to the booth closest to the jukebox, which was currently playing some kid called Ariana Grande. Magnus bobbed his head along to the tune. His and Alec's hands were still joined together where they rested in the middle of the table for all to see. Some stared unashamedly, while others just sneaked in looks when the couple weren’t looking. Their rings glistened under the soft yellow artificial light.

A dark skinned, curly haired woman walked over to their table, two menus held together in her hand and a notepad in the other. 

“Magnus Bane, here in  _ Taki’s? _ Taking a break from all that money you suddenly landed yourself in?”

Alec's brows raised, lips parted to defend Magnus’ honour when a soft laugh escaped the woman's lips. She rested the menus on the table and accepted the hug Magnus swept her up into. 

“Maia.”

The woman,  _ Maia, _ hugged Magnus, smiling into his shoulders. 

“We all miss you 'round here.”

The hug broke gently and Magnus huffed.

“It's been like three weeks, you drama queen.”

“Three weeks too long,” Maia shot back to which Magnus grinned. 

“I missed you too. All of you.”

Alec cleared his throat. As much as he enjoyed seeing Magnus in his element with his friends, he was growing more uncomfortable by the second. 

Magnus’ eyes widened as though he had only just realised Alec was sat there. 

“Shit! I'm so sorry. Maia, this is Alec, my fiancé. Alec, Maia, my dearest friend.”

Alec stood and outstretched his hand. Maia studied him for awhile before accepting the handshake. 

“You're the one that's had Magnus tucked away then?”

Alec chuckled before quickly realising that Maia wasn’t laughing at all. 

“I would apologise for that but… I need him too.”

Maia huffed and turned her attention back to Magnus. Alec frowned and glanced over at Magnus who just sent him an apologetic smile before turning back to chat with his friend. 

“My wedding's tomorrow.”

Maia snorted. “Yeah okay. You just show up out of the blue wanting to invite me to your wedding? You think I'll just go because you asked so last minute? Because that's exactly what I'll do. Where's it being held?”

Magnus reached into his bag for the ten wedding invitations he had printed whilst Alec was fast asleep and handed two of them to his friend. 

“Bring someone.”

Maia rolled her eyes but carefully placed the invitations in her apron pocket, hugged Magnus once more and excused herself, leaving them to scan the menu. 

“So… she's something.”

“Understatement of the century. I'm sorry about her. They're all very overprotective and with your reputation and all…” Magnus trailed off but Alec gathered enough. 

His friends were right to be wary. Alec wasn't exactly the fall in love type of guy. He was more the fuck and get out.

Alec nodded then pointed to Magnus’ untouched menu. 

“Are you gonna order something?”

Magnus nodded, sliding his hand across the table, smiling when Alec pressed their hands together. 

“Alright. I'll have the chicken Caesar salad and a cherry Coke.”

Magnus snorted but said nothing else as he waved Maia over. 

“Ready to order?”

“Magnus grinned up at her. We'll have two orders of shrimp skewers, a large order of cheese fries and two large banana milkshakes.”

Maia chuckled as she scribbled down their orders. 

“Doesn't that mess up your diet, pretty boy?” she asked, brown eyes flitting over to Alec's. 

“It really does but we're not thinking about diets right now,” Alec responded, hazel eyes boring into Magnus’ warm brown ones as he squeezed the man's hand in his. 

Magnus flushed hotly.

Maia frowned, eyeing them suspiciously.

“Gross. I'm gonna get your orders. Try to keep it in your pants until then.”

Maia excused herself back to the kitchen, leaving Alec and Magnus chatting quietly amongst themselves. As they waited, more people came up to greet Magnus who handed them invitations to his wedding. By the time Maia returned back to their table, Magnus had just given the last of his invitations to his good friend, Ralph, who Alec learned was also his highschool boyfriend. Alec's eyes widened as he took in the aroma of delicious food. His mouth was practically salivating by the time Maia turned her back to leave. 

“I don't even know where to start. This is a lot.”

Magnus nodded, picked up a fork and started cutting into his own meal. Alec eventually joined him after his staring match with the large shrimps. 

Their hands were still clasped together in the middle of the table as they ate and talked, mostly about their wedding but sometimes about other stuff; childhood related incidents and whatnot. Magnus learned that Alec had closed himself off from his entire family because he thought it better than actually having them figure out he was gay and Alec learned that Magnus was in the house when his mother died. He watched her bleed out and slept by her corpse for two nights until their neighbour had come over, noticing how their house was rather quiet for quite some time. They had to pry Magnus’ body from his mother's already decaying corpse. 

By the time they were finished eating, it was already dark out. Alec paid their bill and left a generous tip of $100 for their waitress. Magnus chuckled, accusing him of just trying to get Maia to like him so he had resorted to bribing her. Alec smiled but Magnus’ words bothered him their entire way home. 

Was that he was doing to Magnus?

_ Bribing him? _

Their house was quiet when they arrived home, the soft glow from the moonlight was peeking through the windows as Magnus unboxed their leftovers before placing them in the fridge. Alec had been quiet the entire ride home and appeared trapped in his own head which confused Magnus because he was sure they'd had such a great time at  _ Taki’s. _

He walked up to the man and without uttering a single word, kissed him deeply. 

Alec's lips parted almost immediately, his hands gripped Magnus’ waist tightly and squeezed. 

Magnus’ kissed his way from Alec's lips to his cheek and neck before nibbling down his throat, his pale skin with dark hickeys. 

“I love you.”

Alec sucked in a sharp intake of breath, his hand travelling up Magnus’ spine, pressing the other man against his chest.

Magnus pulled back, brown eyes scanning Alec's handsome face. He pushed some of Alec's hair from his forehead and kissed him again; once, twice. 

The moonlight illuminated Alec's features; his lips were pink were pink and swollen from all the kissing, his hazel eyes shone brightly, purple marks already forming on his neck. The way he held onto Magnus made the older man feel secure and cherished even though he knew it was nothing of the sort. They might've gotten a bit closer today but that didn't mean Alec suddenly wanted a real relationship with him. 

“What are you doing to me, Magnus Bane?”

“Loving you, Alec Lightwood.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your eyes haven't deceived you. I'm still alive. 
> 
> I know! I know! I've had this story hanging for 5 months and I apologize but life happened. I got a new job and all that and it took a bit of time getting used to THEN I had writer's block. 
> 
> Alright, I'll stop with the excuses. Go ahead and read the chapter. Hope you enjoy
> 
>  
> 
> BTW, someone mentioned wanting to live tweet so I thought long and hard about it and came up with nothing so I guess y'all can use #FakinItFic 
> 
> if you wanna live tweet

_ “Loving you, Alec Lightwood...” _

The sigh that escaped Alec's lips was slow, as if his brain needed that time to process what had happened between Magnus and him in that kitchen, pressed against the counter; hazel eyes met yellow-green and suddenly, Alec felt lighter than he'd felt in years, not since  _ that... _ since  _ him. _

Alec's eyes remained fixed on the door that Magnus had walked through just two hours earlier spewing some nonsense about wanting to keep the tradition of not seeing the person he was meant to marry until the wedding day.

It was ridiculous. 

Alec had fought the urge to roll his eyes and instead, just pulled Magnus closer to his chest, kissed his neck and his cheek. Alec was very obviously avoiding Magnus’ lips, pressing lingering kisses against pretty much everything else within reach. Magnus’ jaw, his neck. His breath curling against Magnus’ heated skin just beneath his ear. 

Alec had grinned at the annoyed groan Magnus released from his throat. Magnus had tugged at the short hair at Alec's nape, knowing he was leaving crescent shaped prints in his wake. 

Alec had pecked the man's lips, giving into his desire before pulling back. They seemed to have had a silent conversation as they stared into each other's eyes. Magnus snatched his gaze back, vision suddenly blurred with the threat of tears.

Alec wrapped his arm around the man's waist; soft, reassuring. “Promise me something,” Alec had found himself whispering, his expression blank.

Magnus had nodded, too overwhelmed to utter actual words. 

“Promise that you'll tell me if I ever hurt you or make our marriage difficult. I'm trying but sometimes it's hard. Promise you'll help me along the way?”

 

Alec blinked away the edges of his reverie. A certain Asian man had been occupying his thoughts more often than he appreciated, especially now as he lay awake alone in the bed he'd been sharing with Magnus for months, unable to fall asleep. 

Something felt off.

_ Something's missing- someone.  _

His phone buzzed in the distance jolting him from whatever mood he'd been sucked into. He frowned, mind racing with thoughts of who'd be calling him at such an hour. He and Isabelle were in the same country now so no need for random 2am calls anymore and it was public information that Alec Lightwood was taken off the market, so it couldn't be someone wanting to get taken apart, at least he hoped people valued his engagement and the man he was currently betrothed to. Alec had never claimed to be a good man, not in the slightest, but he was an honest one. 

The buzzing continued, insistently gnawing at Alec's already frayed nerves. He groaned and moved to retrieve his phone. His brows shot up at the number he'd memorised for years; the number that never seemed to leave him and, instead of the usual giddiness he’d felt when he was a boy, the familiar feeling of disgust and contempt slammed into him. 

He declined the call, switched off his phone and returned under his covers. 

He remembered how distraught Magnus had been when he thought Alec had sought comfort in another man. He had mulled over it the entire ride to the airport and had hated himself for being so crass with the older man. He understood that sort of hurt more than anyone and didn't want Magnus to feel betrayed by him in any way, but he was just so angry at his sister for telling Magnus something so personal and even angrier at Jamie for reaching out to him the way he had; random and so god-damned smug. When they had finally returned to the house and he’d noticed that Magnus had done everything to maintain distance between them, not enough to be noticeable to onlookers but enough. Alec knew he was being avoided and rightfully so. Upon closer inspection, he had noticed how red and swollen Magnus’ eyes were and immediately felt that hot lick of guilt which settled in the pit of his stomach. He seemed to be the reason for the older man's tears quite a bit. 

Alec twisted from where he was lying on his back and turned on his side, his left foot peeked out from under the covers as he tried to find a more comfortable sleeping position. 

The clock was now nearing 3am and Alec hadn't slept a wink for someone who was meant to be getting married in a few hours. He wasn't organised at all. He couldn't fall asleep in his way-too-big bed which he usually shared with the man who loved him. He felt warm and sticky, and his throat felt as though he had swallowed a bag of sand. Sighing, Alec pushed his covers from his body, got up and retrieved his pyjama pants that were slung over the chair arm in their bedroom.

Magnus’ doing. 

He always complained how Alec tumbled the closet when he went to retrieve his cloth ing, so he had started leaving his clothes on the chair for his easy access. Alec scoffed and rolled his eyes at the domesticity. He tugged on the pants and tiptoed quietly out of the door. He was greeted by the gentle snores of his family and smiled a bit. He had missed those idiots and was happy to be spending a few days with them before they all returned to their own lives. Subconsciously, his legs led him to Magnus’ door and before he could even stop himself, he was knocking at the door. Magnus’ door creaked open, his ruffled bed head stuck through the bedroom door. He was adorably rumpled. His nose was scrunched, eyes heavy with the tell-tale signs of sleep. 

“Alec? What is it?”

Alec shrugged, dragging a hand through his hair. 

Magnus sighed before widening his door, allowing Alec access if he wanted.

Alec did.

Alec stepped into Magnus’ room—the room he was currently occupying—and glanced over to Magnus’ bed. 

“What's wrong?” 

“Couldn't sleep,” Alec offered, padding over to Magnus’ bed and sitting at the edge, curling his toes into the soft carpet below his feet. 

Magnus trailed quietly behind him. He hesitated before stepping in front of Alec. Hazel orbs stared up at him. Magnus settled himself in between Alec's legs, allowing the man to hug him at his waist, burrowing his nose into Magnus’ naked stomach. 

Magnus carded his fingers through the man's hair soothingly, massaging his scalp as gently as he could. 

“Lie back.”

Alec released Magnus’ waist and obliged, lying on his back, eyes never leaving Magnus’. Magnus joined Alec, dragging the covers with him as he pressed into Alec's chest, his nose pressed into the man's neck. Alec tugged the shorter but more muscular man tighter against the chest, dragging his fingers down the man's arms. His eyes suddenly heavier and before he knew it he was fast asleep. Magnus followed shortly after. 

¶

_ Blood.  _

_ There was blood everywhere.  _

_ It flowed like a lazy river ending at the sock covered feet of a little six-year-old Indonesian boy.  _

_ “M-mama?” _

_ Brown eyes flickered across the boy's face— unseeing before finally settling. _

_ “Magnus? Baby, you need to hide.” _

_ Tears spilled from Magnus’ yellow-green eyes as he glanced around, shaking visibly as he scanned every corner of their tiny house, eyes wide as he searched frantically for the perpetrator.  _

_ “Hide baby.” _

_ Stubbornly, Magnus scrubbed at his face with the sleeve of his oversized sweater; the fabric mangled and torn from being washed way too many times.  _

_ Pudgy legs trembled over to where his mother lay, scarlet blood pooling around her body like a protective barrier. _

_ “Mama,” Magnus whimpered, lips trembling as tears filled his bright eyes. “Don't leave me alone.” _

_ Tears stained Indah’s cheek, mixing into the blood that had splattered across her face from the injuries. Her eyes glassy as she whispered her goodbyes to her son; her only child, the fruit of her womb, who visibly shook as he stood watching his mother— his entire world being ripped from his tiny childlike hands.  _

_ Her heartbeat sounded slower, the rise and fall of her chest too calm, skin paling as the life was drained; slowly, gently from her body much like the crimson red blood which was pooling around her. Indah had never wanted to die but that didn't mean she feared it nor did she regret taking those blows. She'd gladly endure it once more if it meant protecting her son.  _

_ Anything, everything for her beautiful boy.  _

_ When death finally came, she took his hand and for the first time in a long while she felt at ease, safe.  _

_ With no kindness or mercy, a single and final touch would burn hollow souls into nothing but ashes on a barren ground.  _

_ “You’re so strong, anak. M-ama l-loves you.” _

_ Death wasn't kind. That much Magnus knew. It took whatever it pleased; people who were far too young, far too good.  _

_ Magnus sat at his mother's feet for hours. Death had ripped away a part of her. The part that held the most love.  _

_ His tiny face sunken and haunted; teeth clattering noisily, puffs of air escaping his lips. _

_ He was cold. _

_ He was hungry.  _

_ He was broken.  _

_ His mother was dead.  _

_ Murdered at the hands of a man that had once upon a time loved Magnus and his mother until he discovered that he wasn't his biological son.  _

_ When neighbours discovered Magnus two days later, a shivering boy almost blue in the face sat at the foot of his dead mother, Indah, they all went ballistic. Paramedics flooded his home, police officers in fitted uniforms and sympathetic smiles all took turns in trying to pry the boy from his mother's decaying body, but Magnus wouldn't budge. He'd cry, scream and kick at anyone and everyone who tried to separate him from mother. Eventually the Child Protection Commission arrived and forcefully carried a screaming six-year-old Magnus away from the crime scene. _

 

“It's okay,” a voice cooed, brushing his matted hair from his forehead. Soft gentle hands, kisses so faint pressed against his temple. 

“You're okay, baby. It's just a nightmare.”

The images started to blur together; a mesh of colours and highlighted sounds. 

“Wake up.”

Magnus’ eyes snapped open and he flinched back; startled and exposed. He never liked showing the most vulnerable parts of himself to others but since being with Alec it seemed that was all he did.  

Magnus sagged against the cool sheets underneath his sweat covered body. He sucked in a deep breath before slowly releasing it. 

_ Alexander. _

“That's it. Easy.”

It had been quite a few years since Magnus had reopened the book that was his mother, Indah. He wanted to flip through the pages and read deeper into the finer details: the way she chopped off ten inches of her hair every year and donated it to cancer patients as her own mother, Magnus’ grandmother whom he hadn't been fortunate enough to meet, had passed away from Stage 4 cancer at the tender age of forty-seven when her daughter was just twenty-one years old; the way she tried to teach Magnus everything she ever knew regardless of the fact that she wasn't educated past fifth grade; the sweet dishes she would make when Magnus said his alphabet correctly or even grew an inch taller; their cooking sessions when she'd try to show a four year old Magnus, who was always eager to learn, how to stir the pot correctly, with her guidance of course. 

His mother was his entire world and he hated the Universe for what it had allowed to happen to her. His sweet, kind mother, who he knew would've loved him and supported his every decision. She would've been happy to know that her son was being well taken care of. 

When the guilt of his mother's death came again to haunt him, he took a deep breath. After all that time, it still cut just as deep but its visits were less frequent and shorter in duration. He prayed silently that one day he would feel removed from his sin, washed clean of it but the guilt was a stain on him, an ugly scar. 

Ragnor and his beloved Catarina had tried, and failed, over the years to convince him that his mother's death wasn't his fault but they knew nothing except what he'd told them. He had omitted the whole story because he was afraid of losing the only people that he had considered to be his friends—his family. He never mentioned that he had been playing with Setiawan's briefcase after being told repeatedly that he wasn't allowed to. 

_ “Don't touch it, Magnus. Don't touch anything! It's bad enough that you live under my roof but must you taint everything too?” _

_ Magnus, being just six years old, didn't understand his father's sudden harsh words. He and his father used to have fun but after he'd overheard his parents arguing about something that night when they thought he was fast asleep, everything changed. His father never wanted to play, never hugged or kissed his face anymore. His father was just distant and cold, and Magnus often wondered why, so that fateful morning he thought of doing something nice for his father. He knew his father was always late so he took it upon himself to carry Setiawan's briefcase to the door, making it easier for the man to see it, which only made his father angry.  _

 

**WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF MURDER AND DOMESTIC ABUSE.**

 

_ He started screaming at Magnus, calling him an abomination and other awful things, which alerted his mother who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Indah had rushed to see what all the commotion was all about. She screamed upon seeing her husband's briefcase raised, about to strike her tiny son. She picked up her church shoes from the doorway, a four-inch wedge, and threw it at the man's head. He staggered backwards, cursing loudly at the impact. Blood gushed from the wound the shoe had left. Magnus ran and cowered underneath the table, watching the scene unfold before widened eyes. Setiawan slapped his mother hard across the face. The force so hard it pitched her back, causing her to hit her head against the wall then he dashed into the kitchen, returned a second later, knife in hand, stood over his wife and stabbed her a total of six times across her chest before fleeing the scene.  _

_ Magnus had witnessed the entire thing, snot running from his nose from how hard he was crying. _

 

The gentle press against his shoulders reminded him that he wasn't alone. 

Alexander was there but somehow Magnus couldn't find it in himself to feel ashamed. Tears leaked from his eyes.

Alec held him tightly as he sobbed unceasingly into his chest, hands clutching at his exposed back. His husband-to-be held him in silence, rocking him gently as tears soaked into the man's skin. When Magnus cried there was a rawness to it; his pain still an open wound. His face was a picture of perfect grief. It was the face of someone who had suffered and didn’t know if he could do it again. Alec hugged him tightly, rubbing his back gently and murmuring gentle words in his ear.

“You're okay. I'm here. I've got you.”

Magnus sniffled and nodded into his fiancé's chest until he stiffened, pulling back. Alec frowned. 

“What's wrong?”

“Dammit!” Magnus groaned as he untangled himself from Alec's grip. 

“We weren't supposed to see each other before the wedding.”

Alec chuckled softly, shaking his head at his fiancé's antics. 

“Surely, you don't believe that garb—”

Magnus glared at him and Alec placed his hands up in surrender mouthing his apologies to the man, a smirk still at his lips. 

Magnus scoffed. “Get out.”

Alec blinked. “What?”

“Get out,” Magnus repeated. “We're getting married in a few hours and I need to get ready.”

Alec relaxed a bit upon hearing that but immediately sobered up because Magnus was absolutely correct. They had a few hours to perfect everything for their life together as Mr and Mr Lightwood-Bane.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus thought himself one of the luckier ones, considering he hadn’t tripped over his feet nor stuttered his way through his generic wedding vows. 

The room buzzed; alive with the excited chatter of young children, who ran between the tables in a good-natured game of tag, ignoring their parents’ hissed warnings to  _ stop immediately.  _ The scraping of chairs as folk stood up for a quick dance with their partners was almost lost to the commotion of the busy room. 

Everything seemed to have gone swimmingly and yet, all Magnus could think of was that little relieved expression his husband wore as the priest announced them Mr and Mr Lightwood-Bane. Had he been naive enough, he would’ve thought Alec was just happy to have married him but of course, that wasn’t the case. Alec was relieved that he was now one step closer to acquiring his late father’s wealth along with his company, that was all. Magnus had known what he had signed up for. He knew it was nearly impossible for the eldest Lightwood to ever feel anything beyond the mere flare of gratitude, yet it still made his heart ache, knowing that Alec would never see him the way he saw Alec. 

Magnus was pulled out of his negative emotions by Maia’s antics. The brown skinned woman was stood on top of one of the tables listed to one of Maryse’s influential business partners; an elderly couple, Mr and Mrs Daniels, who had travelled all the way from France to witness the little boy they had known since diapers finally settle down. A twinge of guilt settled in Magnus’ stomach knowing that he was deceiving a bunch of lovely people with his pseudo wedding to Alec but pushed it aside quickly to rush up to his friend, urging her carefully to come down from the nice people’s table. Mr and Mrs Daniels brushed him off gently as they clapped their hands joyously, coaxing Maia on as she gyrated her hips in time with the upbeat tune he was certain hadn’t been playing twenty minutes ago. A quick glance around the room showed that he was the only person in the entire room trying to stop Maia’s behaviour, even Ragnor seemed to have been enjoying himself though Magnus gathered his reasons weren't as tame as he figured everyone else's was. It had taken quite a bit of convincing on both Magnus’ and Alec's part before Ragnor's nurse agreed, albeit reluctantly, to the elder man attending his son's wedding. The nurse had worried that the strange surroundings and strangers would cause an episode that she didn't think was fit for a wedding such as Alec Lightwood’s. Alec had smiled and thanked her for her worries but insisted that Ragnor would be well and comfortable since he was already familiar with Magnus, his friends and even Alec himself. A frown twisted the young woman's lips before she sighed deeply through her nose and agreed, making Magnus promise that Ragnor would return to his room at 11pm, the perfect time for him to take his pills before going off to bed. The man was clad in a soft green shirt tucked into soft black trousers, a loose black tie around his neck, his greyed hair styled to perfection and of course, his perfectly polished wheelchair. Though their wedding was an absolute sham, Magnus contented himself in knowing that his only father figure was there to witness him marry the man he loved. It meant the world that Ragnor was able to witness Magnus on his wedding day. 

So, with a light chuckle and a shrug of his shoulders, Magnus turned his back on the party happening without him. As he made his way over to the open bar, an unruly head of dark hair, which could’ve only belonged to his husband, rushed past him. Frowning, Magnus continued over to the bar, ordered a glass of whiskey, drained it quickly then followed Alec in the direction he had disappeared. 

 

* * *

 

“Mr Lightwood, sir?”

One of the servers, a young boy with a shaggy brown mane, approached Alec nervously, tugging at his bottom lip with his teeth. Alec untangled himself from the chokehold his brother, Jace, had somehow managed to get him caught up in and glanced at the young boy who looked just about ready to shit himself.

“Yes?”

“Mr Jason Reynolds is here to see you, sir. He asked me to tell you that he’d be awaiting your presence in the garden.” And with that, the young man scurried away, causing Jace to chuckle in amusement.

Alec ignored him, gulped down his drink in one swallow and set off to locate the thorn in his backside. He was a bit surprised, if he were being honest. He hadn’t expected the man to actually show up after the disgusting comments he had made about Magnus, and Alec’s decision to marry him. 

Magnus Bane, his husband. The man he had, just a few hours ago, legally made his life partner. The thought brought a soft smile to Alec’s face. After Jamie he had never even thought of settling down much less marrying another man but Magnus, with his gentle heart and carefree spirit, somehow made him at least reconsider his choices.

He hadn't even realised he had reached his destination until he heard the soft tone of someone he had hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with, today being his wedding day and all, but the universe had always hated him. 

Alec steeled his shoulders, taking in Jamie's appearance. A few years ago, Alec's heart might've stopped beating altogether upon seeing his ex-lover dressed in his finest pieces of cloth but now, all he felt was disgust. 

“Uh oh. Someone’s smitten.”

The fucker had the audacity to look all smug as though he knew something Alec didn't and just couldn't wait to tease him mercilessly about it. 

Jamie grinned, wine glass in hand as he regarded his ex-fiancé. He pressed the glass to his lips, tasting a bit of the red wine he had picked up earlier before he had asked one of the young servers to quickly ask Mr Lightwood to meet with him. He smacked his lips, humming his approval.

“You look good, I must admit.”

“What the fuck do you want?”

Jamie frowned, clicking his tongue in disapproval. 

“Always such a potty mouth, dear. Surely, your little plaything doesn't like that much, I'd imagine. Well, I suppose he would if you still do that thing with your tongue —”

Alec snarled, fists folded at each side of his body. 

“Don't talk about my husband. Don't even think about him.”

Alec stepped closer, relishing in the tiny, timid step back the green-eyed man took, his voice a threatening octave deeper. 

“I will kill you if you so much as breathe in his direction.”

Jamie's eyes widened, his hand tightening on the wine glass so hard Alec thought it might shatter. 

The man blinked slowly, a smile stretching at his lips after he had gotten over the initial shock of being threatened by his ex-fiancé. 

“Well, well. Quite protective, aren't we? Surely, you can't possibly be in love with someone so beneath your status. “

“You're beneath my status!” Alec roared. 

“You're only the man you are because of me. My money, my name! You bloodsucking leech.”

All playfulness vanished from Jamie's unusual shade of green eyes as he regarded the man stood just inches from his face. Alec's breath was coming in harsh puffs, fanning across Jamie's face as the older man finished his beverage quietly. His lips parted only to audibly snap tight. 

He huffed, shook his head then ran his fingers through his soft strands of hair. 

Alec stared angrily at the shorter man, eyes bloodshot red from his efforts to not crack Jamie's skull against the boulders behind them. 

“I should be—” 

“Alexander? Darling?” Magnus’ gentle voice cut right through the tension, interrupting whatever response Jamie had thought of giving.  

Jamie twisted his neck toward the direction where the sickly-sweet voice had travelled. Stood at the door was a very handsome man, dressed neatly in a tailored tuxedo that he was certain had cost an arm and a leg, much like the one currently wrapped around his body. His lips glittering violently under the moonlit evening, his long, slender fingers were adored with the most beautiful rings, save for the wedding ring, of course. On his wrist, a thin charm bracelet could be seen shimmering as the man's lips were even from afar. 

A sting of jealousy flared at his insides and he pushed it down rather forcibly, refusing to feel sorry for himself, not when he was now a millionaire worth more than this beautiful man ever could. He didn't need to marry Alec Lightwood to know that Alec's heart was always and would always be his so instead he smiled brightly. 

“You must be Magnus. Hello, Alec was just gushing all over you.”

Magnus stepped forward, chancing a glance at Alec, who wouldn't even meet his eyes, hazel eyes instead glaring at the man before him. Frowning slightly, he accepted the man's outstretched palm.

“Jamie Rodriguez. Pleasure.”

Magnus stiffened. Something Alec noticed almost immediately as well as Jamie, who smiled wickedly. 

“You have heard of me, I'm sure?” Jamie asked, feigning interest in his nail beds suddenly. Magnus stole a quick look at his husband who looked absolutely stricken beyond belief. 

Magnus smiled, turning back to look at Jamie. 

“Not very good things, I'm afraid,” he replied, feeling a warmth burst of joy at the offended, almost hurt look in Jamie's eyes. 

Alec chuckled, making his way over to Magnus, hugging him from behind. 

Jamie frowned, as he observed them. 

Alec was so touchy-feely, which was rather odd. He had difficulty in remembering that trait. Though Alec had loved him, he hadn't been quite so affectionate. 

Magnus smiled sweetly before asking. 

“Did you enjoy the reception?”

Twinning Alec's and his fingers together where they rested on top of Magnus’ stomach, their wedding rings on easy display. 

Jamie could only nod, his tongue suddenly felt as though it weighed much more than it should. 

“My wonderful mother-in-law and sister-in-law are both responsible for such a joyous occasion. We're definitely having them plan our children's birthday parties in the near future.”

Jamie squawked, clearly outraged. 

“Children? You want to have children?”

Alec hummed, pressing kisses to the nape of his husband's neck. 

“At least five. What do you think, baby?”

Magnus pretended to think long and hard before replying. 

“You know how I feel about odd numbers, darling. Six, maybe?” 

Alec grinned, enjoying the baffled expression his ex wore. 

“The more the merrier. Mom will love it, Isabelle as well.” 

Jamie swallowed the rest of his wine in one long gulp, straightened his suit and retrieved a comb from his breast pocket before proceeding to comb his hair back in place.  Magnus and Alec watched in amusement. 

“Would you care for a comb, Magnus? Your hair's looking a bit tousled.”

“I'm good, thank you. Alec will just mess it up again later. You know, he's a bit of an animal in the bedroom,” Magnus whispered as though telling a secret which only infuriated the other man more. 

Alec staved off a chuckle in the sides of Magnus’ hair. 

“Yes, I remember,” Jamie replied with a tight smile. 

“Well then, it was lovely meeting up again, Alec. Magnus, a pleasure meeting you. Goodbye.”

Jamie rushed from the garden quickly, not sparing a single glance back. Alec could barely keep his laughter at bay. It spilled from his lips in loud, choking sounds. Tears welled in his bright hazel eyes and leaked down his cheek. He held Magnus’ waist tightly as he struggled to catch his breath back. 

“Did you see his face? Oh my God, you're amazing!’

Magnus felt himself blush at the intensity of Alec's gaze, pinning him in place. 

“It was nothing, really. I know his type. All they need is someone to knock them from their high pedestal and they'll be just fine.” 

Alec nodded his agreement, gently swaying from side to side, Magnus still in his arms. 

“How do you feel, husband? Was everything to your liking?”

Magnus snorted.

“Everything was wonderful, husband,” he answered, a teasing tilt to his tone. 

They weren't aware of how long they were just stood in the garden, swaying gently to the music playing in their own heads until Isabelle came to fetch them, claiming they'd be looking for them for about an hour now and was more than relieved she hadn't found them in yet another compromising position. 

Alec shook his head fondly as Magnus blushed hotly at Isabelle's words and the knowing grin she threw his way. 

“Stop teasing my husband, woman!” 

Isabelle snorted, rolled her eyes and gestured for them to follow her, which they obeyed albeit reluctantly.  

A frantic Maryse approached them, her lips twisted into a deep frown. 

“Where the hell have you guys been? I heard Jamie was here. I'll kill the little bastard myself! Where is—”

Magnus chuckled warmly at his mother-in-law, cuddling her into his side. 

“We're fine. He's gone, no worries.”

The woman peered up at him, tears filling her eyes, and squeezed him tighter. 

“Thank you so much, Magnus,” she whispered for only Magnus to hear. 

“You taught my boy how to open his heart again and we're all so grateful.”

She placed a loud kiss on his cheek, staining the spot with bright red lipstick, hugged Alec then walked away. Her friend, Luke in tow. 

Magnus stared after them, wondering silently to himself whether Maryse and Luke knew they were both in love with each other and when they'd finally cut the bullshit and eventually start dating properly. 

“If Luke doesn't make a move already I'm actually going to gouge my eyes out,” Isabelle muttered, her signature red lips tucked between her teeth as she too stared after her mother and the man she had already considered a father figure. 

Alec snorted, humming in agreement. 

“Seems like everyone knows how in love they are except the two of them. Idiots,” Isabelle said, eyes finding Magnus as she uttered those words in a clipped tone. 

She strolled over to where he stood beside Alec, pulled a handkerchief from her dress pocket, because of course Isabelle would request a pocket sewed into her dress. 

“You've got a little... May I?”

Magnus nodded, confused. 

Then he felt the cloth gently dabbing at his cheek. Maryse had most likely stained his cheek red with her 24-hour lipstick, something he had gotten for her after they met. She seemed to have been very thankful and appreciative of the small gift. 

“Hello there, family!” Simon yelled, his brown hair tousled, as he juggled two glasses of smoky whiskey. He handed one to his wife, placed a kiss on her cheek then proceeded to drink his own, eyes widening in sheer delight. 

“Excellent choice, Lightwood-Banes.”

Alec rolled his eyes, a cornered smile at his lips then frowned as he realised his sister just peered into her glass of alcohol inquisitively. 

He nudged her shoulders with his own. She blinked rapidly, looking up with a sheepish expression. 

“What?”

“Everything okay?”

She nodded, tucking a dark strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Yeah. Guess, I'm just a little tired,” she explained, smiling wider than usual which only further convinced Alec that something was wrong. 

He frowned.  

“Isabelle—”

‘Empty Space’ by James Arthur flooded through the speakers, enveloping the room with the sweet, savory tone of a certain British gentleman. 

Magnus’ barely contained excitement was so adorable that Alec couldn't help smiling. 

“We'll talk later,” he whispered to Isabelle before walking up to his husband, offering his arm. 

“Would you care to dance, Mr Lightwood-Bane?”

Magnus grinned, accepting the outstretched hand with a slight curtsey.

“I'd be honored to, Mr Lightwood-Bane.”

Alec pulled Magnus flush into his chest, strumming his fingertips across the man's spinal cord, swaying them gently to the beautiful lyrics. 

Magnus pressed his body closer into Alec's heavy form, inhaling the musky scent of his husband's cologne. Alec's heart thrummed against Magnus’, strong as though trying to beat down his chest and escape its captivity. 

Calloused fingers grazed at Magnus’ neck, causing the man to tilt his head backwards, meeting Alec's intense hazel gaze. He felt frozen as Alec's eyes bored into his, goose pimples scattered across the length of Magnus’ arm as Alec continued his caress against his neck. 

“You've made me a very happy man today, Magnus Bane,” Alec mumbled, breath washing against Magnus’ face from how close they were stood together. Magnus could only nod, swallowing roughly as he clutched tighter on the blades of Alec's shoulders, eyes searching Alec's urgently. Without even thinking of it, he pressed his lips to Alec's, humming as the man immediately returned the kiss, cradling Magnus’ head.  

“Get a room!” Max yelled from where he was sitting chatting with a young girl called Zoë, which caused Alec and Magnus to part, glaring at the younger boy for disrupting them. The little girl giggled then tugged on Max's arm, urging him to leave them alone. Max nodded begrudgingly, as he muttered something about not needing to see his brother's dick on the dancefloor. 

Magnus giggled, pressing his forehead into Alec's chest. Alec smiled and brushed his fingers through Magnus’ hair; soft under his fingers after having sweat out most of the products he had used earlier in the day. 

“You know,” Isabelle started teasingly as she made her way over to them, Simon on her arms, “you guys can leave if you want to. The wedding is over, you've already had your first dance  _ and _ you've mingled with Mom's friends more than enough.” Simon nodded, grinning at the pair, faint red lipstick decorating his cheeks, neck and lips. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that he and Isabelle had been making out hot and heavy somewhere. Isabelle batted her eyelashes at Magnus and he sputtered, swallowing a chuckle. 

“Yeah, I guess we should all turn in,” he responded, winking at his new sister-in-law, who grinned back. 

“I always knew I liked you, Magnus. Well then, off to your honeymoon?”

 

Six hours and twenty-five minutes later found Alec and Magnus unpacking their suitcases in the finest hotel Belgium had to offer,  _ Idris. _

Maryse's little wedding present to them. 

It was just a little after 2am when they'd finally arrived at the airport and were almost immediately swept up by Milo, the couple's designated driver. Courtesy of Maryse Lightwood, of course. 

Milo, a dark skinned young man with a thick French accent, was such pleasant company and Magnus found himself chatting animatedly with the young boy, whom he had learned was there on student visa and was working three different jobs to make ends meet. Magnus’ heart clenched painfully, listening intently as Milo spoke of the hardships back in his hometown, being a transgender, asexual male proved to be too complex for his father to wrap his head around, which had eventually led to the man's departure, leaving his wife with six children all under the age of fourteen to raise on her own. By the time Milo had finished his story, they were parked outside their destination with Magnus openly weeping over the young boy. He and Alec had both left him one hundred dollars tip each along with Alec’s contact information in case the boy needed some financial assistance. Milo politely declined but promised to call sometimes and speak with the kind Americans. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Ragnor seemed to have fun, “Alec mentioned, grinning.  

Magnus nodded. 

“He looked happy,” Magnus whispered, gazing into his husband's hazel orbs. 

“He did,” Alec agreed, smiling at Magnus. 

They finished their unpacking in a comfortable silence but the air surrounding them was charged with something more— something heavier. 

Alec kept sneaking glances at his husband, which Magnus pointedly pretended not to notice, keeping his eyes trained down to the many fabrics at their feet. 

“I think my sister might be pregnant,” Alec whispered, just for something to say. He guessed Magnus must have already figured it out or Isabelle herself might have told him since they were very close. 

“You think so?”

“Well, it's just a hunch. Izzy loves whiskey but I noticed she hadn't even sipped the glass Simon brought her.”

“If she is, you'll be an uncle. Isn't that exciting?”

Alec scoffed. Of course Magnus wouldn't betray his sister's trust which he appreciated but the idea of them conspiring the way they had been lately was a bit frightening to Alec. Izzy, the most stubborn woman he'd ever encountered, even more so than his mom and Magnus, who was every day proving to be the most stubborn man he had ever met. It was already a nightmare, but he honestly wouldn't have it any other way. 

Isabelle wasn't the biggest fan of Jamie so it was pleasing to know that she liked Magnus as much as she did. 

His entire family liked Magnus and Alec, he might just like Magnus too. 

What's not to like anyway? By agreeing to marry him, Magnus had helped him attain his father's company and managed to get his mother and sister off his back about finally settling down. 

Two birds, one stone.

“You should head to bed, don't you think? It’s nearly 6am,” Magnus said, shattering Alec's trail of thought. The hazel eyed man blinked once before nodding, stifling a yawn.  

“You're right.”

Magnus smirked, cracking his back as his stood upright. 

“Of course, I am.”

He liked this, he realised. The easy teasing between Alec and himself. It was nice. 

Almost like a real marriage. 

Too real.

Magnus shook the thought from his head like a pesky insect. It wasn’t safe to harbour those thoughts, not about Alec. Definitely not about Alec. 

The younger man was clearly still riding high after their wedding and would, after a nice rest, be back to his usual grouchy persona. Magnus refused to let himself be caught up in Alec's easy smiles and soft kisses and gentle caresses. 

Too caught up in his own thoughts, Magnus failed to notice that Alec was no longer sat at his feet. He felt a hot breath against the back of his neck then the tender brush of those soft lips he loved so much. Alec's hand slid around Magnus’ waist, twisting him towards his body, attacking his neck with gentle nibbles. Isabelle's words thundered in Magnus’ head and he tried to be indifferent. It wouldn’t do any good to let someone with Alec's ego know just how much power he had, so he didn’t lean in; didn’t seem too keen. 

Magnus’ cologne was intoxicating and the natural scent of just  _ him  _ made it difficult for Alec to stay away. He placed kisses up the column of the neck of the man who was now his husband. The only other person to bear his name. A stuttered gasp escaped Magnus’ lips as Alec bit down on his pulse, not hard enough to break the skin there, but enough to know what his intentions were. 

At this point, Magnus had given up trying to fight against Alec's advantages. The man was his husband and it was their wedding night. Surely he deserved some mind-numbing sex, even if just for today. When Alec gently lead them over to the bed, Magnus didn’t protest. They stripped down to naught quietly, the rustling of their clothes and heavy breathing the only thing to be heard. Magnus twisted his body attempting to grab the lube from their nightstand when Alec's large hand covered his. 

“We don't need that. Not tonight.”

Magnus swallowed roughly but nodded anyway. 

Cautiously, Magnus lay back on their bed, scattered with an obscene amount of rose petals—courtesy of one Miss Isabelle Lightwood-Lewis—unaware of what Alec's plans were. He brushed some stray strands of hair from his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Alec tapped Magnus’ thighs and immediately Magnus spread his legs apart, granting his husband the space he needed. Alec's hot breath washed against Magnus’ straining erection and the man arched beautifully, his breath escaping in panted puffs. He was confused because Alec had never sucked him off, but he couldn't bring himself to care about that, not when his husband fondled his balls, weighing them between his fingers.

Hands curled tightly into Alec's atrocity of hair as the man finally swiped his wet tongue against the side of Magnus’ erection. The world seemed to have stopped spinning as Alec engulfed Magnus into his warm mouth. Finally. 

Magnus’ stomach clenched as his mind raced to places he didn't even know existed. Alec looked up, his eyes darkened with lust, and winked before sucking Magnus into his throat. Faintly, unintelligible sounds could be heard, and it took Magnus an embarrassingly long amount of time before realising that he was moaning; screaming actually as he was sucked down to the root repeatedly. His throat was sore and strained from his constant yelling, breath shaky and shallow. He held Alec's head in place and his hands worked their way around Alec's broad shoulders, carving out every crevasse along his impressive rock hard body. 

With a silent open-mouthed scream, Magnus flooded Alec's mouth with his sticky white substance which Alec swallowed down greedily. Magnus must have blacked out for a bit because when he finally came to, Alec was pressing kisses to his neck. Upon realising that the other man had awoken, Alec rolled over him, caging him in with his broad shoulders, pressing him into the mattress, his flaccid member fell on Magnus’ cum covered hips. Magnus groaned, hugging Alec to him. 

“I'm filthy,” he whined, making no effort to push Alec from him. 

“You're beautiful,” Alec responded and it was so heartfelt and genuine that Magnus couldn’t stop himself from pressing his lips against Alec's.

Again and again. 

It was slow, comforting in ways that words would never be. Their breaths mingled, tongues duelling gently. Alec ground downwards and Magnus gasped. Alec's thickening erection pressing into him. 

“Did you..?”

“Don't worry about it. Later,” he promised, kissing Magnus’ lips once more before pushing himself off the man's pliant body. 

> “Later. Now, let's sleep.”


End file.
